America’s No. 1 full-flavored lager is taking its longstanding tradition of patriotic packaging even further this summer by replacing “Budweiser” with “America” on the front of its 12-oz. cans and bottles. The brand is also modifying Budweiser’s iconic label to add copy that is central to American history, including phrases from the Pledge of Allegiance and lyrics from “The Star Spangled Banner” and “America the Beautiful.” On shelves nationwide from May 23 through the election in November, these cans and bottles aim to inspire drinkers to celebrate America and Budweiser’s shared values of freedom and authenticity.
Bahahahahahaha, okay, I have to stop, I can't keep reading this shit, but there's a lot more where that came from, like the creative director at the branding agency saying, "We thought nothing was more iconic than Budweiser and nothing was more iconic than America."
I'm not much of a beer drinker but the heterosexual I share an office with, Sean Nelson, is. So as I was reading all these news stories about a brand of beer that Washington Post points out is "not even technically American," I asked Sean if he'd had a Budweiser lately. Our conversation, transcribed:
Have you ever had a Budweiser?
It was actually a Bud Light. Does that count? There's a bowling alley we like to go to in White Center, Roxbury Lanes, and Bud Light is their only pitcher option. It was like drinking beer soda. I'd never had it before. It was really good.
It was really good?
It's terrible, but it's good. It's like kids' beer. I can't believe people buy it when they have other choices.
What do you think of the new tagline "E Pluribus Unum"?
What is that? "Out of many, one"? "It's like a penis, only smaller"? My Latin is shaky.
But aside from Bud Light, have you ever had a Budweiser?
I must have. I'm sure I have. I had a warm one in high school.
Apparently sales are down of Budweiser, thus the rebrand. Vox says "the original Budweiser beer has been losing market share since 1989." Would Budweiser's name being "America" make you more or less inclined to order it?
Less. Vastly. I would never buy a beer called America. How could they do that? Is "America" trademarked?
The old tagline "King of Beers" is kind of monarchic, don't you think?
Uh, yes. I'm glad I didn't have to sit through that marketing meeting.
What do you think of the band America?
I think they're dreadful.
Are you good at bowling?
I am occasionally very good at it.
Does drinking Diet America—I'm sorry, Bud Light—help or hurt your bowling game?
It makes me feel less self-conscious about being there. It is an amazing bowling alley, because it also has a Chinese restaurant and a casino in it.