SL Letter of the Day: Nip That Three-Way in the Bud


So, you met a man on a "cheat on your spouse" website, had a whole bunch of sex outside your marriage, had several threesomes, and now you're surprised that he's cruising websites looking for someone to have sex outside this relationship? Plus now you've decided you don't like threesomes anymore? And you have freaky bad jealousy which you "work very hard to hide from him?" Wowza! Sounds like the chickens are coming home to roost.
OK, maybe not "outside" the relationship...though, is this guy who loves to break the rules really going to stay within the bounds of "only fuck other women if I'm there (and now I've decided I really don't want to be there?")
@1. I know, just not believable
I'm freaked out by the merged dogs/children ... is it like brundledog or do you just keep the kids in a cage?
Let this be a lesson to women everywhere. Go for the 19 yrs younger men, they will not start to have health issues five minutes into the real relationship. LW, the word I'm thinking for you is karma.
" It isn't what I imagined: the merging of kids and dogs, a D/s relationship turning vanilla."
Funny cause that's exactly what I imagine happens when affair partners settle down to a prosaic societally sanctioned relationship.
It seems like LW's existence centers around not expressing her wants/needs/desires. She's not a baby, I'm sure this is an ongoing trait.

It's no surprise that things aren't what she expects - she doesn't perform an authentic version of herself. It can suck to be late to the party, but better late than never.
@ #4 I imagine it would look like this:…
@4 that is terrifying.
If this one wasn't edited, it ought to have been.
@1 kinda nailed it. You, LW, can't be surprised this guy doesn't want monogamy. Sounds to me like you just had some wild oats to sow...I get that you felt attached, but moving in with him so soon after your divorce was ill-advised and makes me kinda question your judgement.

Leave him and find a guy who is more like you (D/s leanings, young enough to get it up consistently, generally monogamous) and let him put his weekly stiffy to more perverted/polyamorous uses.
I totally agree with @1's take as well.

If JWTBM's boyfriend is in fact looking for someone to satisfy JWTBM's greater sexual needs, he'd have more luck looking for another dude. Particularly since JWTBM never said she was bisexual.
Just break up, sheesh. If four months have been slowly getting worse and there's no betterment in sight, it will not get better. She's stuck well into sunk cost territory now with a guy she isn't now compatible with. And at his age he's not going to change.
How many 65-year-old men have children young enough to be "merged" into a household with a new wife?
"I asked him why he is so obsessed with finding someone"

How dare you ask that? None of your business!
I was gonna say I felt sorry for their former spouses, but on second thought, their former spouses are probably better off without them.
@14: One with a younger ex-wife, assumedly.
Fred @14: All of the Rolling Stones, for starters.
And where are people getting "wife" from? They're not married.
@18: Person, not people.
@15 Are you serious or being sarcastic? Assuming you are serious. They are in a relationship. It is very much her business since it is materially impacting their relationship and could end it. They are the only people (unless they seek medical help or counseling) whose business it is or are you saying that partners should not talk about what concerns them (generically, how are you feeling, what are you thinking etc)? As I understand it, open communication is essential for any relationship to survive.

General question: The man can only perform once a week due to health reasons. How will adding another woman change that, when he can barely satisfy one?

I postulate insecurity on the part of the man caused by his inability to perform more than once a week. It's likely an ego thing and he is in denial about this and likely getting old in general. (something everyone faces, usually starting around 60, and their own mortality) But, hey what do I know (meant literally, I'm projecting how I might react in his situation)
It seems that a lot of people's expectations, desires and behaviour change when they begin a cohabitation with their partner(s).
I hear of a lot of people (guys mostly) complain that before marrying/moving in together, their mates used to perform some acts (say, anal penetration, blowjobs), seemingly freely and happily, but after the marriage/move in they ceased to to so, or do it only grudgingly. And this is not something related to the lack of desire that comes with the wearing off caused by children etc, because it starts early after the marriage/move in, while the lack of desire comes later.
The explanation that comes to my mind is that the not-performing-anymore part of the couple (consciously or unconsciously) felt, before commitment, that kind ok behaviour would keep the other part tied to him/her. Once the yes/living together is gained, the strain to keep the constraint is seen as no longer necessary.
My hypotesis about LW is that she was ok with threesomes before moving in with her lover because of the thrill of it all or because of the tying thing: the moving in stifled the thrill and/or made it not necessary anymore to strain to keep her lover tied to her, because he already is tied through their cohabitation.
She changed her mind, and right or wrong, I think she can't go back. But he DIDN'T change his mind (even if he changed his performing schedule, but this is not his fault), and he deserves to know that she did, sooner than later.
She shouldn't hide her jealousy, either, trying not to make his life a misery in the meantime.

Skeptic@20: I was wondering about the "once a week/two women" thing too. Don't think the new woman is intended to be for LW, 'cos she never said she is bi. This could be a decrease of frequency of sex with LW, which is not fair towards her.
@20 - that's a long blog poster handle. May I suggest a coinage? "Skynic."
@21: He's obviously spoiling her less as well, when you feel taken advantage of, why wouldn't you feel less into doing fun things for your partner?