So I'm having this problem with my girlfriend. She is very jealous of my ex and this is making our relationship a nightmare. My ex is currently going to Harvard and she was top of her class in high school when we were dating. I have only seen her once since we stopped dating and it was a very awkward and uncomfortable encounter. We stopped dating in 2009. My ex and I did have sex one time, it was the first time for both of us. My current girlfriend has never met my ex.

A little background on my current girlfriend. My girlfriend is of Asian descent and she says that all her life she has been told to be better. We have been dating for a year now and this problem has been making us argue for the past six months. My girlfriend knows that I don't love my ex anymore. My girlfriend is jealous of my ex to the point of hating her and wishing her the worst pain possible, "A slow and painful death" she has said.

She wants to be better than my ex in every way possible but the intellectual part is what really makes her explode. She cries constantly and I'm always trying to be there to tell her how special she is to me. How she is better than my ex. (I'm not lying, I really do think she is better than my ex!) It doesn't work however. She feels like a failure and being better than my ex is then most important thing in her life. One time she asked me for my ex's Facebook profile so she could see all her achievements. (I'm not friends with my ex on Facebook and her account is set to private, I noticed that no one can see anything she posts.) Knowing fully well that she is harming herself by being this way I gave her a choice: my ex's name or me. She chose my ex. I broke up with her but we got back together a few hours later, she told me she was sorry and that she would try to change.

A few more important things: My girlfriend is always asking me why I don't hate my ex like she does, she also says that when she closes her eyes she sees me having sex with my ex. Honestly, I'm starting to hate my ex. I'm not sure if it's because I really do or because I'm starting to feel like it's her fault, though she has nothing to do with this. I just hate the way my girlfriend cries and the pain she's going through. It hurts when she hurts. Now I'm starting to blame my ex. I know, it sounds irrational.

I need help, please. I love this girl, she is amazing and sweet when she's not feeling like this. She loves me with all her heart. I know she does. And I love her too.

Current Hates Ex

DTMFA.

Your current girlfriend, however amazingly sweet she seems when she's not wishing a painful death on a person she's never met and who hasn't harmed her in any way, is not a well woman. What your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend needs a therapist, CHE, or a team of therapists. What she doesn't need is a boyfriend.

You're not doing her any favors by sticking around. Quite the opposite. Your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend has no incentive to get well—she has no reason to work on her shit, to get over those painful expectations heaped on her in childhood, to stop blaming her race or her upbringing for her anger issues—so long as that shit, pain and anger all continue to work for her. And every time you go running back to her, every moment you spend reassuring her, attempting to soothe her, trying to mollify her, CHE, that's her shit and her pain and her anger working. It working on you, it working for her.

As for you, CHE, blaming or hating your ex doesn't just sound irrational. It is irrational. So it would appear that whatever your girlfriend has, whatever ails her, it's catching.

Your girlfriend isn't healthy enough to love you or anyone else and you described your relationship is a nightmare. Wake up and get out.

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