Submitted by Christopher Baird...
Moderator: As you know, we've completed the semi-final round of our bracket for dinner choices.Sponsored
(crowd murmurs, unhappily)
M: I know, I know. Many of us are unhappy with the final choices, but here we are and crying won't change it. Now, we leave it to you: stewed beets or strychnine.
BernieOrBuster: I wanted turnips!
M: Well, turnips lost to stewed beets.
BoB: I don't accept that! Stewed beets stole this from us.
M: Um...not really, but it's moot. Please choose between stewed beets and strychnine.
BoB: I'm writing in rutabaga
M: That would be risky. I mean, for some reason stewed beets and strychnine are running neck-and-neck.
BoB: Beets can shove a can up its ass sideways!
M: I see you're upset, but if strychnine wins then we all have to eat it.
BoB: So?!? It's the same thing either way.
M: Not really, see one is a disgusting vegetable that tastes like dirt and stains your fingers red. The other is poison.
BoB: Right, same thing.
M: Um... no. There's an actual, material, identifiable differ—
Strychnine: Mexicans pick beets!
BoB: Is that true?
M: What? Yes, but is that important?
Sarah Silverman: You're being ridiculous.
M: Strychnine can actually kill you.
BoB: Down with beets! Down with beets!