Sounds like she's not totally clear that you and she are broken up. If not, make that clear to her.

And see if that old flame is willing/able to go for a round or two. She sounds fun.

To be fair to the ex gf, since she's asexual and since they're still living together, she may not have noticed any difference in their relationship once they broke up, so she hasn't yet wrapped her head around the fact that they're no longer together; from her viewpoint, for all intents and purposes, they still are.

Time for the LW to stop complaining and to make a move.

This is third letter to advice columnist along these same lines this week. (See Dear Prudence and Captain Awkward). Is there just a whole cohort of people suddenly facing the same problem or someone having lots of fun writing a similar letter from a few different angles?

Maybe talk to your doctor about your meds for depression. They might be able to prescribe others that won't kill all your libido. Move out though, sounds like your living arrangements aren't healthy for either of you, and it'd be difficult to date while living with your ex. It's unlikely that you can develop clinical depression because of another person, so she's not the cause of your illness, but once the depression has started, it'd be difficult to get better if you're in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship. Move out, try different meds, volunteer so you can meet some good people. Move on.

@2: Yup. This person needs to get out of the sexless RELATIONSHIP he is currently in with his live-in partner. It doesn't matter what rationalizations he makes about why he's there, he needs to grow up and leave this codependent scenario.

@3: Naaah, just common.

Technically, your ex is the pervert, since she's channeling her sexual energy (whether by choice or by nature) in non-normative directions.

No, you do not need to defend your behavior. Certainly not to her. The only point where it becomes someone else's business is if you choose to enter into a new romantic relationship.

Let us define your relationship with your ex. She is your friend. Do you share your sex life with all of your friends? I hope not; that would be creepy. So yes, you are entitled to have secrets from her if you wish. She is also your roommate. You most certainly do not share your sex life with roommates. On the contrary, most roommates go to great lengths to keep their romantic relationships private and respect each other's privacy.

The problem is that you describe this as a "semi-relationship". There is no such thing. You consider it a friendship. She seems to consider it a relationship. You need to very clearly (but of course respectfully) disabuse her of that notion.

@4, While one may not develop clinical depression (major depressive disorder) from a person, one can certainly develop situational depression. Obviously, the cure is to change your situation, but that can take a while and antidepressants can be useful for managing the symptoms. Because let's face it, it is hard to take the steps necessary to change one's situation when one is depressed.

I'm thinking of a car door that wasn't properly closed. You have to re-open it first then promptly slam it shut harder than you did the first time.

In the context of this, uh, "relationship", I recommend that you first re-establish the intimate union you had with her (in whatever-the-Hell form that was). Then COME, when that is done, you promptly blow it up in a way that leaves no doubt in anyone's mind.

I advise this because it's the only resolution to this annoying scenario that I would find personally satisfying.

@10: What? That's weird advice to give a codependent.

All they need to say is "we are not in a relationship, I'm sorry if I led you to that conclusion, and I have another place I am moving to."

It may appear to be "satisfying" but it's needless drama at best and at worse an excuse to get back with someone with whom you are incompatible.

Dan is right, LW.....why are you living with someone (whether you're officially "together" or not) who makes you miserable and slut shames you for something harmless? It's none of her business. Period. End of discussion.

Move out, get your meds checked (maybe if you're not constantly around someone who makes you miserable you'll feel better on the depression front) and get yourself laid. You deserve it.

SSRI's have sexual side effects for large numbers of people, but they aren't the only anti-depressants out there. Welbutrin rarely has sexual side effects, and in fact it sometimes manages to counteract the sexual side effects of other anti-depressants.

So please talk to your doctor about the side effects you're experiencing and ask him or her to work with you to find a drug -- or combination of drugs -- that improves your depression without taking away your sex drive.

"I have no other friends or anyone to talk to."

Funny the things that will jump out at you from any particular letter. The no other friends thing is what jumped out for me. I'd suggest making friends, "building team you", as the first priority with moving out/breaking up for real as the close second. With friends in place, you're not so easily swayed that this ex's normal is the universal normal. With friends in place, anxiety takes a downturn. With friends in place, the possibility of a sexual relationship that goes beyond texting becomes a lovely possibility. Hell, with friends in place, watching an old movie on t.v. becomes more fun.

Oh, and with friends in place, living alone is less scary. Not enough attention is paid to this point. The simplest things like getting groceries, remembering your keys, wondering if that noise the car is making will cause you to break down on the highway, all the little things that go into navigating the real world, they're all easier when you have a roommate, stress inducing when you're on your own. The simple presence of another human, even a human that's giving you grief for sexting an old flame, can feel like a life-saver compared to the unknown of living alone. Therefore: friends.

@15/16: And (not that they're reading but...) explain what's going on to your friends, you broke up long ago and need to extricate yourself from the ashes of a long-dead relationship. The more this person tries to involve friends directly in his mess, the more difficult it's going to be to get close to them. Everyone outside can see what's going on, be kind to your ex in your exit, but don't bullshit your potential allies.

@15 I noticed that too. And I wonder if the ex is the reason for the friendlessness, if she drove them away to keep the LW with her.

ayn is right LW. You know what you need to do, get away from this woman. She's either abusive or a really bad match but either way you're miserable with her and that's reason enough.

She can have her feelings about your sexting but the thing is you don't have to give a shit. You're not dating her anymore so stop acting like you are. Get to know the world outside of her craziness.

@20 WTF? Shouting about your supposed sexual successes just makes you look desperate. Le sigh* Trolls, why don't you stay under your bridges?

Gandalf @20: Dan has indeed had hetero sex.

Folks, don't poke the mentally-ill badger. Just flag their trolling.

The anti-Gandolph, obviously a mindless orc.

Gandalf

Um so wtf?

I came to find out if they should have children. What gives?

LW: you are alone and will continue to be until you get Ex-GF out of your life. She seems perfectly content to keep you sexless as well.

@30: He seems pretty content there, but needs to not confuse content and "safe" (even as this is) with happy.

The girl thinks they're a couple. She is asexual and he let her believe that he was too. This is what she thinks a normal relationship should be for them, since she's indifferent to the lack of sex and had no idea that he has come to believe otherwise. It's going to be ugly when he tells her. She's already given him the "I don't even know who you are anymore" line. I would recommend he have another apartment lined up before he initiates the difficult conversation with her.