Are you paying for these stories? Or is this more "free content?"
Where to start...ah, the 19th. Attempting to butterfly a bird that was bigger than my torso. Pulling out my best WWE moves as I body-slammed elbow first into a raw bird carcass. Ripping the skin and sending the bird shooting across the kitchen counter onto the floor...a few times. Once I finally got the thing cut open I realized that the reason I was having such a hard time. I was cutting through a sternum instead of cutting out the spine. Bird number two still received the same assault, but at least I got that guy properly salted and butterflied.

Initially, I had a huge lineup prepared. This was going to be my first year hosting Thanksgiving. Normally I go to my grandmother's on my father's side, but despite her increasing dementia, I opted to cook and host for my mom's side instead. I knew the turn-out would be smaller than usual, 2016 was not kind to my family.

With the day at hand, I had hand-made rolls, stuffing, drinks, turkey dry-brined, cranberry sauce and gravy both from scratch and pumpkin pies all ready to go. Except no one came. All but two people canceled.

Just as well, when I woke up that morning I couldn't breathe. I thought I was drowning in turkey guts, but no, it was just mucus. So I spent my 4-day weekend sick with 14-16 meals worth of leftovers. On the bright side, I am an excellent cook.
I spilled hot ghee on my inner thigh --at 450 degrees F !!!-- when trying to roast my traditional Roast Veggies. And now I have nearly 2 whole linear inches of first degree burn. And it smarts quite a bit.
@3 Oh no!! I hope your leg is doing better!

@2 Ugh, right there with you. Mucus factory solidarity.
Mr. Vel-DuRay works for the railroad, so I am resigned to the fact that Thanksgiving will always mean that we will have an indeterminate number of people who just came in off the Empire Builder and have no place to go, plus any stray neighbors.

My way of coping it to make a crockpot full of dressing, a crockpot full of mashed potatoes, and a crockpot full of some sort of vegetable dish. I start them cooking on the sideboard early in the morning, and use them as the serving dishes, because they will keep everything warm. I then start the turkey, and a few hours later I throw in a ham. I put a plastic tablecloth down, roll the silver in napkins, and have a stack of plates in the warming cart in the dining room. People can come and go as they please, and I just wipe down the table when a group is done.
Thanksgiving last, I hosted my children, their father (whom I'd divorced 5 years prior), and his parents. It was a long story that led to this situation, but there I was...

And it completely lovely. The food was perfect, and the kids got to see mom and dad share a meal and laugh. Nana and Papa were wonderful and we all enjoyed their company. The kids were elated to celebrate with all their family at home! I'm so glad I have the kind of divorce where we can do things like that. And Papa did the dishes!
After the meal I pulled of rest of the turkey meat from the carcass and intended to make a broth with it. I put what was left in my stove top pressure cooker and turned on the stove. As we all sat and digested I put on, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" a Thanksgiving classic. After some time I made my way back to the pressure cooker and accidentally hit the emergency pressure release valve on the back of the pot, broth shot up to the ceiling raining down on everything. I grabbed the pot and shoved it upside down into the sink shooting into the drain. The kitchen was covered floor to ceiling in broth and fat. I can't recall a time I had to mop a ceiling but that was certainly the case now.
My grandparent's pressure cooker blew up once. It sprayed hot liquid all over the kitchen and killed their parakeet and a bunch of baby chicks. (Yes, they kept a parakeet and chicks in their kitchen - the baby chickens only during brooding season. When I said I come from country folks, I meant it).
I always host Friendsgiving. This year my friend brought a guy she met through a running/drinking group. She also brought him to a party a couple weeks ago where he was very handsy and touchy/feely to all the women - enough to be annoying but not quite enough for anyone to call him out. But Thanksgiving....he showed up at 1 pm and almost immediately was all gropey. He caught me off guard while I had dough in my hands and kissed the back of my neck EWWW. Then all day he proceeds to grope pretty much every woman there. Finally several of us flat out say "stop touching me/other people/anyone here." He STILL kept doing it. At one point he reached for me and my boyfriend slapped his hand and yelled "No touching!" Finally I grabbed the spray bottle I use when my dog won't stop barking or jumping and sprayed him in the face the next time he did it.

The infuriating part is that he kept saying "I'm sorry, this is just so foreign to me. I'm not used to hanging out with people who have an issue with this." (I get the impression this running club is kind of a free for all. Which is fine except CONSENT.) Like he was apologizing and STILL GRABBING MY LEG WHILE HE DID IT. My boyfriend and I were like "Really? You've never had a job or been in any situation where it wasn't appropriate to grope all the women around you?"

My friend tried to excuse it by saying he was drunk and not usually like that, and I told her he was like that at the last party, and he was like that when he first got there and was sober. It's all very awkward because we're not sure if she is into this guy or what, she's normally the last person who would put up with this shit. Anyway, it was both hilarious and awful. And since posting about it on Facebook, I've contacted by several women who were at the first party to see if I was talking about the same guy who was bothering them.

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