I wanna be your friend. I wanna have sex with you. And I wanna be you. Does that make sense? - Rita Ora
Rita Ora: Reality TV's best flirt Collage by author. Images courtesy Tyra Banks and CBS.

Okay, I'm not a lesbian. I'm just a cis gay guy who was roped into writing ANTM recaps. (Full disclosure, though: I'm a power bottom for campy Reality TV, so I didn't put up a fight.) ANTM has always been friendly to the gays (the first ever winner of the show, Adrianne Curry, was proudly bisexual), but this season has some queer moments between the girls (and judges) that I'M REALLY INTO. Episode 3, Make Your Mark, is the much-loved makeover episode, plus the girls have to get naked, which means it's a big hunky chunk of drama for the producers (aka Tyra Banks). The inner queer girl inside me was living, gagging, and blushing, mostly provoked by Rita Ora, the show's host, who is a freaking cougar to these girls. Like, before I get into a rundown of the episode, let's review all the times Rita Ora hit on the girls this week:

#1. When Rita Ora Flirted During Her RitAlert
#2. When Rita Ora Straight Up Prowled On Marissa And Told Her "You Just Have Strong Features"
#3. When Rita Ora Talked About Her Signature Red Lips While Wearing A Nude Lip Because She's Full Of Surprises
#4. When Rita Ora Told Courtney She Wants To Be FWB
Let it not be forgotten that Rita Ora delivered this quote to Courtney: "I wanna be your friend. I wanna have sex with you. And I wanna be you. Does that make sense?" Iconic.

Ive been to burning man. - Courtney, unrelated to anything
"I've been to Burning Man." - Courtney, unrelated to anything

Speaking of Courtney, this episode's narrative arc was (again) around Courtney and her zeitgeisty eyebrows. The girls this season are sharks to Courtney and I'm not sure she's gonna make it out alive. (JK, she's probably gonna win.) But seriously, the girls are unanimously cruel to Courtney for basically no reason. As Giah (our good country gal who is 100% Miss Congeniality) pointed out: all the girls have to hate Courtney because she's a T-H-R-E-A-T.

One example: Courtney is sick and sounds like a gremlin this week, so she politely asks the girls to leave her room because she needs sleep. She reminds them that "the right thing to do when someone is sick is let them sleep," but Marissa, who doesn’t even sleep in Courtney’s bedroom, yells that Courtney “can’t bring on this victimhood.” WTF? Well, it doesn't matter. Courtney wins best photo this week, despite being an advertisement for strep throat. Suck it, meanies!

The secret ingredient for the New You is the opinion of others.
The secret ingredient for the New You is the opinion of others. (Cherish, left; Ellen Von Unwerth, center; Tash, right.) Collage by author. Images courtesy Tyra Banks and CBS.

Speaking of photo of the week, the girls are posing (naked) for group photos by megastar photographer Ellen Von Unwerth. But first, it's makeover time, and everyone gets new hair!

Cherish has an epic freakout because the producers want to dye her red hair redder. Seriously, Cherish freaks the eff out. Cherish says that dying her natural, virginal red hair a darker shade of red is like Binta dying her skin to be blacker. Binta responds that "homegirl is fucking crazy." Again, Binta is a voice of reason.

India's hair is dyed fairy dust lavender rainbow, which is apparently a color. It's pretty!

Tash, the girly twin, has to get a severe boy cut, and Cody, the tomboy twin, gets long and luscious hair that (as she says) makes her look like a boy in a wig. A meltdown ensues and Tash runs crying into a closet. The producers probably confused the twins again on accident. C'est la vie.

You cant break me! Have fun picking your winner! Because IM A UNICORN! - Cherish
"Homegirl is fucking crazy." - Binta, on Cherish (above) Collage by author. Images courtesy Tyra Banks and CBS.

Ultimately, Cherish gets the boot because her hands are creepy and her mouth was too fish gape-y (which I guess is so 2015). Unlike Justine, our first girl to go home, Cherish doesn't give AF. She's pissed, stating that her "hair will never be the same" and that she'll have to be a boxed redhead for the rest of her life. Parting words: "You can't break me! Have fun picking your winner because I'm a unicorn!" Ride on, Cherish, ride on.

And finally, a mystery: who was Tash speaking to when she had her meltdown in the closet? Was it a producer or was she alone? It's a true enigma.

Contemplating gender norms in a closet.
Contemplating gender norms in a closet. CBS Television Distribution