Hey! Did you watch last night's episode of The Walking Dead? Are you ready to say "Screw you, I'm just going to take all your guns?" Then let's get ready for a second amendment-bustin', SPOILER-FILLED
recap! Let's get chitty-chatting!

Here's what I'm thinking about last night's episode, "Something They Need."

1) Let's kick off with Sasha, who for reasons that defy explanation, is still alive and sitting in what's probably Daryl's old cell at Savior Central. She is quickly visited by "Rapey Dave"—wonder how he got that nickname, and... OH. After he tries to have his way with Sasha, Negan drops in to stick a knife in his throat and say that "rape is against the rules around here." (Note to Negan: You are raping your faux wives every time you sleep with them. DOES THIS IRONY ESCAPE YOU??) He offers Sasha the chance to join the cowards'' brigade with Eugene Elvis, and she's like, "Okay, I'll think about it while this guy you murdered in my cell slowly turns into a zombie."

2) Meanwhile back at the Hilltop, Governor Gregory is wicked jealous about Maggie's increasing power in the community, and tries to murderize her while she's outside the walls, but of course he's too chickenshit. His chickenshittiness is exposed even further when he has to beg Maggie to kill a couple of zombies for him, and everybody who's watching is like, "Ooooooooooh! You got PWNED, son!"

3) Meanwhile at the coastal all-lady gun hoarder society, Rick and the rangers have a plan to take the guns from these women, and as usual, their plan is PROBLEMATIC. They send Tara in to chat with Grandma and Cyndie, who tells them, "Look, we want you to join us in fighting the Saviors, and we need your guns. If you don't say 'yes' in two seconds, we'll be forced to... whoops, OUT OF TIME." BOOOM, goes the offsite dynamite.

4) Meanwhile back at Sasha's cell, Eugene Elvis boo-hoo-hoos about why he decided to be Negan's number one butt kisser, and Sasha tricks him into giving her a weapon so she can supposedly kill herself. Unfortunately that weapon turned out to be poison, which will not be much help... or will it? As Rachel Maddow says, "Watch this space."

5) Meanwhile back at the Oceanside Gun Club for Gals, Grandma takes Tara hostage and says if Rick's Rangers take their guns, she'll... actually do nothing, because Cyndie, the worst granddaughter in the world, clubs her over the head. Rick says "Thanks for the guns, ladies!" and they depart leaving all the viewers with a not-so-great feeling that the patriarchy has won again.

6) Meanwhile back at Alexandria, Rosita has a surprise waiting for the gang in their holding cell: Why, it's Scarface Dwight, who says he's ready to help Rick and the gang fight Negan. Is Scarface a spy, or have his legitimate gripes with Negan led him to the other side? I guess we'll find out next week in the WALKING DEAD SEASON FINALE OH GOD AM I SO HAPPY THIS SEASON IS ALMOST OVER DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

7) Anyway, yeah! Season finale next week! Woo. Shit. Maybe I'll be in a better mood by then. BYEEEEE!