I am a relatively attractive woman in my early thirties and I have a question about my budding exhibitionism. My question is two parts: first, is it okay to walk around naked in my bedroom/apartment with the blinds open and the reasonable expectation that someone might see me? My windows do not face a street but rather a small cluster of other windows from buildings near mine. I mean it is my house and all, but I worry sometimes about getting an angry letter from a mother whose children have been "scandalized" by my smokin' bod. Secondly; assuming it's okay to walk around naked, what about deliberately posing erotically or masturbating where someone might see me? The idea of it gives me a killer thrill but I'm wondering if it's 1) too creepy and 2) safe? If I was at a hotel I wouldn't think twice but this is where I live, would I be inviting a stalker into my life? Should this remain the stuff of my fantasies?

Female Leaves All Shades High

It should be okay to walk around in your own apartment naked, FLASH, but here's a thing that happened to a man in Sweden—and I once dated a guy who was arrested for being naked in his own apartment in Seattle. (His windows, without blinds, faced a school.) That said, a lot of people are naked in their own homes a lot of the time and arrests are few and far between.

Zooming out... exhibitionism is fairly common, FLASH. There are also different degrees of exhibitionism—it, like so much else, exists on a spectrum. But in your case, FLASH, you have a budding interest in exhibitionism, specifically posing in your window for a passerby to "accidentally" see you like some free artistic porno and/or masturbatory moves. You can indulge this desire—that's what desires are there for—but you're gonna want to indulge it in a way that won't get you in trouble, annoy/scandalize the neighbors, or make someone else feel unsafe looking out the windows of their home.

Zooming further out... legally, exhibitionism is usually described as the stimulation of your genitals in front of an unsuspecting stranger. That's also how the psychologists see it:

From a psychological standpoint, the defining characteristic of an exhibitionist is a strong urge to expose one’s genitals to an unsuspecting stranger. Such exposure usually occurs in public places where there is an easy escape route (e.g., parks and subways). The goal of this exposure is to evoke a shocked reaction from the other person, which is what the exhibitionist finds to be sexually arousing. In fact, exhibitionists usually fantasize about this shocked reaction afterward when sexually pleasuring themselves. Exhibitionism is classified as a disorder when these urges cause psychological distress or when the individual begins to act upon them and starts victimizing others.

It's one of the most common sexual criminal sexual offenses, but the laws around indecent exposure and exhibitionism dramatically vary between states (and countries, depending on where you live—Sweden, it seems, takes a hard line). So it's difficult to give any legal advice, since it's perfectly legal to run around naked in some places while others define indecent exposure as being nude in front of anyone other than your spouse. Google your local laws, FLASH.

But I gotta say no to masturbating at the window. There's the little matter of consent to consider here, FLASH. Those killer thrills could be fun for you but scar someone else—someone who's easily scarred, yes, but still. It could also potentially make someone's year. It's a gamble, in other words, and it could be a costly one for you—the cops could come, you could get evicted, etc. But you know where exhibitionism is totally legal and consensual, FLASH? Swingers clubs, where you'll meet plenty of people who like to watch. Single women go to swingers and sex clubs, too. Just like a church, finding the right club can take some time, but managing your desire in a healthy, legal, and consensual way will help you (and others) get off without sans creepiness.

And, hey, the next time you're in New York City, you'll want to book a room here.

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