I'm 26, gay and I've started a serious, long-term relationship and things have gone great! We moved in, and he's introduced me to things sexually that I haven't experienced before. Here's my dilemma though, as a "bottom" douching takes FOREVER. Like a seriously long time. Anywhere from an hour and a half to two hours. I've tried everything! Eating different foods, eating at different times, increasing my fiber intake, different amounts of water, taking supplements for fiber, douching to only clean out the lower rectum, etc. In order to feel relaxed and ready, I want to be as clean as possible (not to an extreme, we're both comfortable with bodily functions) when it's time for rimming, anal and the like. As a young professional, I work anywhere from 10 to 12 hours, five days a week, and the last thing I want to do is spend 2 hours in the bathroom. Consider the mood lost! Do you have any advice for an intermediate doucher? I've only been using a "bulb" douche thus far.

Desperately Outreaching Under Crummy Hygiene Experiences Regularly

Two hours, DOUCHER?!? Yeesh.

A standard bulb douche should have you good to go in five to fifteen minutes. You may also want to do a few bonus fills-and-expulsions until the water coming out of you is—or appears to be—just water. If it's taking you two hours to clean out (sorry about the mental images, readers), you're putting in too much water, or not enough water, or there's something entirely different going on in your ass and you might need to discuss it with a pro-gay, pro-buttfucking doc.

That said, I'm not in your bathroom with you, DOUCHER, and I don't want to be. That prevents me from crafting a more useful critique of your approach/style/technique. But since that bulb douche clearly isn't working for you, the next step would be a shower douche. One of those will provide a steadier flow of water and give you a deeper cleanse—and there's no risk of "suck back," which is when the water gets sucked back into the douche bulb. Which is just as unpleasant as it sounds.

But shower douches, while sleek and shiny, aren't typically necessary for run-of-the-mill/sit-on-the-dick anal activities. If all you mean by "he's introduced me to things sexually that I haven't experienced before" is standard anal and rimming, DOUCHER, not fists or giant toys (that would be a whole other SLLOTD), a shower douche is more fire power than you should require. But if the bulb isn't working... why not give a shower douche a try?

And in regards to messiness, A+ sex shop Babeland has this to say:

Although you're likely to encounter some poop at some point in your anal sexplorations, it's probably going to be a lot less than you imagined. Most anal play engages only the first few inches of the anus and rectum, which do not store feces. Many people find that a thorough wash in the shower does the trick for removing any surface grime. If you're fastidious about cleaning, try a Deluxe Anal Douche; douche with regular room-temperature tap water (no soap!) a few hours before you play.

Finally, DOUCHER, a question for you: How messy do things get if you don't douche? Douching is optional for many, not a requirement. (Lots of buttfuckers find they don't need to douche, although some still do for peace of mind.) Unless you've got a funky gut or some other health issues, your body does a pretty good job of cleaning itself out on its own. So if you haven't tried fucking without douching first... maybe you should try that? The lower part of the colon will be cleanest after a bowel movement, so knowing your body and being regular—fiber, fruits and veg, water (that you drink, not pump up your butt)—is often enough. Next time you wanna bottom, try rinsing off, wiping up, and keeping some sanitary wipes nearby if you're concerned. There may not be a need to waste the night on a two-hour douching session.