A Two-Hour Douche

Comments

1
The real problem is "working 10-12 hours" per day. You are being exploited by the wealthy who whip you into this "work-ethic" froth to make you believe you are living morally & correctly, when all you are really doing is throwing your time away so the rich can make bigger profits. Call yourself a young professional if it makes the sting go away.
2
Man, anal seema like a pain the ass
3
psyllium husk. it comes in powder form, and is found in most drug or grocery stores. i drink it 2-3 times a day. tidies up all the poop so that when you go to wipe, nothing is on the tissue. look it up online. it's really helped.

ymmv. i had to experiment with dosage and timing for me.
4
Two hour cleaning sessions is what a 👊 bottom does.
5
Watch out for the shower jobs. You really need to keep the water pressure low or you will dislodge the entire contents of your colon. The idea is just to gently rinse out the rectum. this should not take more that 30 minutes.
6
LW, try yogurt and/or acidophilus everyday to help your digestive system function more regularly, then you can have confidence about when your colon/anal passage are clear/empty. There shouldn't be a need for two hours douche unless there's some serious medical problem. Check with your doctor, see a nutritionist, eat healthy (more leafy greens, less meats).

Also, maybe the 10-12 hr work days are stressing out your body and causing digestive problems. Any way to cut back? Remember, money is not much good if your health is destroyed!
7
I was under the impression that frequent enemas could inhibit the body's natural ability to move poop through the rectum, which could lead certain people to become dependent on enemas. Is it possible that DOUCHE has gotten to that point? Even if that is not the case, DOUCHE isn't a porn star, so Dan's last bit of advice of having anal sex without an extensive regimen of enemas is the way to start. I would also recommend DOUCHE keep really good track of his diet and figure out what make him regular. Lots of foods like dates, bananas, and hummus can be really binding, whereas prune juice can be a natural laxative. DOUCHE should play around with his diet, adding and subtracting fibrous foods like quinoa, oatmeal, and popcorn, and seeing what happens. Odds are if he is pooping really well, his bowels will be fairly clean.

9
It sounds like the bulb isn't big enough. I greatly prefer the bulb because it inputs a measured amount. Unless the bulb is huge, you can't use too much. Try a bulb that delivers a full 8 ounces. Use less than the full bulb if you experience any cramping. The cramping precedes going past the sphincter at the top of the rectum. If you go past that, it will take a long time to get it all out. I recommend 100F degree water.
10
People's intestinal systems are not all the same, so Dan's claims about how easy this is are based on his own fortunate physiology, not everyone's experience. Some people's insides react to getting fucked by becoming much more active, and moving anything higher up on down - so they need to empty out a longer length of their insides before play. Those people's experience of getting ready for anal sex is very different from the lucky people who are fuckable with little or no effort.

If that's your situation, a bulb is just not enough to handle what's going on. You need to use a hose on very low pressure - and remember that you only need the *water* to go up your gut, not the hose. Pushing the hose up can damage you. Experiment with how deep you need to clean, and how many cycles of water in / water out , to stay ok during sex.

A very good technique to shorten the time it takes to clean out is to hose out to the point you think is ok, then use a dildo to let your butt think it's fucking time - and if you've got an active gut this will likely trigger your insides to bring down some more debris that needs to be washed away. Two or three cycles of this will probably be plenty to get you ready for sex.
11
OH, and yes, an even teaspoon of psyllium husk powder every day in a big glass of water ( try http://www.bobsredmill.com/psyllium-fibe… ) makes everything come out better and with less mess.
12
Lose-Lose @8 -- women don't have a magic prostate button to hit. So you may not be trying to go as deep.

Generally, some people are dead-set against dealing with other people's poop. I don't know how they manage to parent infants if they're so squeamish.
13
Cut out all caffine - tea, coffee, fizzy drinks and drink plenty of water.
Also a half or a quarter of an Imodium can really help and will give you peace of mind for longer sessions.
14
I've never used a douche before anal, and neither have any of my partners when I was with them. Not against it, just never felt the need.
15
I have the same issue. I eat a good diet with lots of fiber and I'm very regular, but the consistency is too loose to ever get a clean wipe after going to the bathroom, and douching can take hours. One trick that does help a little is having some air in the bulb as well as water. The air rises and pushes the watery mess down and out. It also prevents water from going in too deep, which causes endless mess. And Imodium will help prevent too many accidents from fucking irritation.
16
You are already getting reamed by your employer. And this kinda ruined my lunch.
17
Dan, I love you. After over twenty years of reading, you're still exposing me to new things. I think I'm getting one of those shower douches for my own personal entertainment.
18
Thirty minutes seems long to me, and two hours unconscionable. Other commentators have thought of everything I would have said about douching technique and nutrition, especially re not overfilling the bulb. I would stimulate my own prostate as a check my rectum was clear--though this isn't foolproof. Maybe the issue here is that the LW is douching immediately before sex? It's a mood killer. But then he's at work all day! There probably isn't a work shower he can use at teatime.

If his boyfriend is shoving toys up his ass, it might be reasonable, given his own work schedule, to ask his lover to tolerate some occasional messiness.
19
Instead of one 2-hour session, try several 5-min sessions spaced 5-10 minutes apart. After you clear out whatever your body is immediately ready to get rid of, 5-10 minutes later, it might have more ready to go. But you can't hurry your body. You have to wait. If you sit there furiously flushing the whole time, you're not speeding it up; you're just adding and flushing excessive amounts of water. Doesn't help.
Instead, in round 1, just give yourself a few flushes till there's nothing substantial coming out anymore. Then take a break. Don't expect to get clean in round 1. After 5-10 minutes, go for round 2. Give yourself a few more flushes (3-7). Hopefully by the end, the water should be coming out clean. If not, take a break anyway. Come back 5-10 minutes later for the next round. Repeat as necessary. When the water comes out clean on the first flush, and you pass a finger check, you're done. For me, I'm usually ready in 3 rounds (10-15 min on toilet, 30 min total). On a bad day, maybe 6 rounds. My boyfriend used to spend an hour in the toilet too, till I showed him this method. It should work for you too.
I just use the basic shower douche: unscrew the shower head, place end of hose lightly against butthole, water shoots up. That way you have a better idea of how much water is going up (with an inserted shower douche, it's harder to tell). Find the right balance for the right amount of water - too much and you'll fill up your colon, making it very hard to get clean; too little and it won't be enough to clear.
I don't know if anybody else uses the multi-round method, but if you tried it, I'm curious to know your results.
20
Achaiwoi @1: I think you've nailed it. If DOUCHER is working such long days, he probably isn't taking regular bathroom breaks for Number Two. That explains why he's so backed up. DOUCHER, I hope you can find a career with a better work-life balance soon.
21
@ 1 - Although that's probably true, in today's economy, LW will probably find it harder to change his working conditions than his eating/douching habits.
22
Ten to twelve hours a day! And you still feel like having sex. That's stamina.
23
Given that schedule, i can't see you having sex every night. It might mean some planning for sex,and on those days, fast a bit. It's good for your metabolism too. Eat to sustain, just not too much. And walk during your lunch hours, great way to move the bodily functions along.
24
Eat and drink at regular times so you can train your system to be regular.
Aloe vera juice in small amounts before breakfast (mix 25 ml with a little fruit juice) will mean you just need a single piece of paper to wipe.
Stop water-torturing your bowels.
Avoid tobacco and excessive alcohol, caffeine or redbull.
Regular exercise should help.
Learn to listen to your body.
25
@13: "Cut out all caffine - tea, coffee"

That's silly, the oils in coffee are more beneficial to regularity than detrimental.
26
@25 undead, IME problems with anal fucking occur not because of lack of regularity; rather the opposite, namely a too active system and/or too loose consistency.
27
As a bi female power bottom, doing anal 3x a week on average I can say I've never done an anal douche ever and only twice have I left any kind of unwanted mess. I would never do anal if I had to douche for as long as lw does. Maybe men and women's digestive system is different when it comes to anal idk.
28
@27: Yeahhh, I really think there's more being caused by his constant changes to flora than he's "helping" here.