Start your engines and put them in neutral, hunties, because this episode is a snoozy roll downhill. After one of the most shocking lip syncs in RPDR herstery, it was going to be hard for the show to continue with that energy. But the producers could have at least attempted to put together a challenge worthy of such a talented top six (minus she-who-must-not-be-named). Instead, the show gives its annual makeover episode. But there are no veterans or little people or elderly gays. No, RuPaul puts her claws on the crew, and not the pit crew... the production crew. Meh. I miss Our Lady of Guadalupe.
Since nothing really happened in this episode, here's a frenzied overview:
âEvery remaining queen claps and cheers for Nina because she sent Valentina home, but stopping the avalanche of Nina's self-doubt is like stopping Cynthia Lee Fontaine from saying cu-cu. Just let it happen.
âThe top 6, which somehow still contains Alexis Michelle, are paired with crew members for this season's makeover challenge.
âThe crew is apparently filled with straighties, probably because Detox devoured all the twinks on set during All Stars 2.
âThe only exciting thing to happen for 20 minutes is Nina deciding she's going to learn to sew and miraculously making two dresses from scratch. She tries to re-thread a sewing machine! Wow!
âOn the runway, we watch the girls serve mediocre versions of their standard drag while they carry the deadweight of heterosexual amateurs. It's so ÂŻ\_(ă)_/ÂŻ that the judges highlight Wintergreen, Peppermint's crew member, as the standout. Wintergreen's special skills include frowning and snapping. Yassss queen! (Ugh...)
âPop start Kesha and fashion designer Zaldy are guest judges. Kesha is somber. She is forced to watch the queens lip sync to a Demi Lovato song. It's tragic.
Charlie two step, Eureka Tanya Harding'd herself, now mask drama?! Next week a queen will be fully abducted by an alien.
â Trixie Mattel (@trixiemattel) May 20, 2017
If only Trixie Mattel's prediction had been right. But is anything going to live up to #MaskGate? Let the girls pack up and give Shea the crown already.
But maybe this episode isn't supposed to be for the gays or queens. These makeover episodes are always mundane and emotionally trite (well, except for the season where Gia and Alaska did that weird stun thing that turned into a music video). Perhaps they're for the straight male audience that wants to imagine themselves in heels or the straight women who think it's funny for a man to pull his penis into a tuck (teehee). If so, I hope you liked it, straighties. But of all the things the show has nixed, couldn't it have been this challenge instead of the pit crew? (Seriously, where is the pit crew?)
Two things that stand out to me this week...
Nina Bo'Nina Jaymes Osama Mansfield Bin Ladin Brown is a star. Her illusions are unlike anything the show has seen before, and she singlehandedly sent home the two queens most beloved by the internet this season. If you're a tween with an opinion on the Aja vs. Valentina debacle, then you certainly have some thoughts on Miss Brown. But for all her killer creations, this queen of grand illusion can't seem to get the chip off her shoulder. So much of this season has been dedicated to resolving Nina's insecurities through the magic of reality TV, and part of the reason this episode is so boring is we AGAIN spend most of the hour on her self-esteem issues. But just like the internet loves Jasmine Masters, Nina Bo'Nina Aja Valentina Slayer Brown will always have her place among the Reddit queens. Sue her.
Am I the only one who thought Sasha Velour was the true winner of this episode? Once again, Sasha has been in the top, but not had the edge to push through for a win. She's the only queen left who doesn't have a win solely to herself (both of Sasha's wins are with Shea), but as of next week she's also the only queen who has never been in the bottom two. As an artsy, forward-thinking Brooklyn queen with her own magazine, Sasha's skills are unparalleled. They're also, however, uncategorical, and RPDR is a show bound to categories. The show isn't designed to showcase Sasha's unique skills (seen here and here), and I don't think she'll make it to the crown without giving the audience her all. There are still two weeks (and a reunion) before the finale, so I hope I'm wrong, but she'll most likely snag third place. RPDR just isn't constructed for Sasha Video Projection Judith Butler Stan Velour.
In the end...
WINNER WINNER: Trinity Taylor wins this week, matching Miss Shea Couleé with a total of three wins. It's becoming clear that Trinity and Shea will be in the top three (with, probably, Sasha). Trinity will get the versatile pageant queen edit, Sasha will be the artsy alternative, and Shea will most likely snag the crown. My pick? I'd love to see Trinity Taylor win this season. I would never have said that episode one, two, or three, and that's what's so lovely about Trinity's undeniable talent. Much like her famed tuck, Trinity is full of surprises.
BYE BYE: Miss Nina Bo'nina RuPaul Ray Charles Brown finally makes her sour, self-deprecating exit. Joining other lip sync assassins who've gone through three lip syncs, Nina meets her match in a very produced showdown with sister/frenemy Shea Couleé. If we get an All Stars 3, Nina will surely be among the cast, alongside the brutally-eliminated Valentina.
Okay, okay, so this week's episode was a snoozefest. But you know what's not boring? The videos below made by fans of the show. RPDR fandom runs deep, henny, but you might miss some of the excellence if you're not hanging with the gay Twitter crowd. (It's really fine if you're not. They're We're awful, but smarmy fan creations are not!)
I chatted with local internet sleuth and drag queen Betty Wetter about her current fave fan videos. You may remember her from my first RPDR recap, where she successfully predicted Cynthia Lee Fontaine's return. Here's what Wetter dragged up this time:
Wanna be a superfan of Ms. Wetter? You can now catch her hosting "Betty's Body of Knowledge," aka a night of bar trivia and performance every Sunday at Solo Bar! Sign up at 7:30 pm.
