Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up


Ah KINKS, what a sweetie. This girl perhaps has fallen in love with you, she doesn't want to move on. You've got to set an end date for this arrangement, and stick to it. Give her enough time to get used to when the cut off point is. She's going nowhere while you satisfy her so well and are so caring. Why would she?
Echoing Dan's advice to KINKS: Just because non-missionary positions aren't sustainable for long enough for either of you to come doesn't mean they're not worth doing for fun and variety. I'd also add that just because other positions don't work for you two doesn't mean they won't work for her and future partners. Penis size has a lot to do with which positions are and aren't comfortable for women. Whatever your size is, other lovers will be different; she may, for instance, be able to enjoy doggie style for far longer with a smaller-dicked partner, or he may come quicker than you do, or he may hit her G-spot. You did say how long this arrangement has been going on -- "I wouldn't have been ready for my kinks three months after losing my virginity" -- and Dan's take seems to jibe with most of the commenters', so I think you have all the info you need (maybe too much) to proceed from here.
I think that for many people a FWB arrangement is ideal while going out on dates, as it dissipates any urgency of sex, and let us meet and get to know a potential partner. For other people, getting sex from a friend, takes away the incentive to find a romantic partner. I'm not sure where Ms. KINKS falls along this spectrum, but I would hesitate to assume that she is postponing dating because she's getting sex from KINKS. But if KINKS is concerned that she's not moving forward with dating, why can't KINKS and Ms. KINKS other friends help her fill out a dating profile and help her get into the swing of dating? Maybe she could use some non-sex assistance?

And is KINKS dating himself?

As for their explorations of sex positions, it's really hard to provide more help without knowing more about what they are doing, but I would say that even for able bodied people, some positions work better than others or are more enjoyable, and even when my partner is on her back or on all fours, she's never in the same position from start to finish. And I again, recommend something like a Liberator pillow, which meant to allow for comfortable sex in positions which might be more challenging for a longer duration.

Lastly, I wonder if KINKS is hung up on the idea that there is some other mountain top for Ms. KINKS to climb in her immediate future. If KINKS is someone who has for a long period of time gotten sex regularly, he may not be accept that for Ms. KINKS simply getting sex regularly for a period of time is going to be a big deal.
Harry Potter nerd here to offer a little more on the Slytherin thing. While most villains in the series are Slytherin, it's not because Slytherin itself is inherently evil. The traits associated with Slytherins are ambition, cunning and a tendency to only look out for oneself and one's people. In the series, "one's people" ends up being essentially a race thing, so they really don't come out looking good, but they are not intended to be painted with a simply evil broad brush (there are "good" Slytherins in the story, too, who save Harry's life many times, even if their motives ultimately have little to do with Harry's success). Slytherins are like conservatives--they're probably the easiest to corrupt because of the things they value, but it doesn't mean they're all bad (if, indeed, we believe there are actually good conservatives left, this metaphor might work). Some Harry Potter nerds might be wary of meeting a Slytherin, but I also know plenty who love being in Slytherin themselves.
"Some Harry Potter nerds might be wary of meeting a Slytherin, but I also know plenty who love being in Slytherin themselves."

thank you for writing all this (so I didn't have to), and ditto!