This week: It's Queer Issue time at the Stranger, check out the guy running against Paul Ryan, and Vice took a look at controversy at Evergreen.

From letter-writers: How do I not beat up transphobic assholes who stare down my kid? How do I stop the busboy from showing people pics of dicks in my mouth? What to do when my partner only likes hairy old gay men (and I'm a lesbian)? And are all men garbage? Plus this week's column and this week's podcast.

You know how this works: I respond. You have feelings. Sometimes you write me about those feelings. Sometimes I publish them. First up...

I read your article “Virgin Territory” this week with interest. I’m in a similar situation as the letter writer, except that I am female and in my late 50s. I was obese—sometimes morbidly obese—since age 14 and only recently lost the weight and feel ready to start dating for the first time in my life. (My story is more complicated than that, but the details don’t really matter here.) I have a couple of questions and comments about your response to the original letter writer:

1. Would you make the same recommendation to hire a sex worker to a woman? I ask because in your response you referenced the letter writer’s impotence, which of course isn’t an issue for me. I am incredibly embarrassed of being a virgin, but I’m almost equally embarrassed about never having had a boyfriend which I can’t really hide anyway. If you do think hiring a sex worker would be a good idea for me, you sort of glossed over the details of how to find a reputable one. I’m no doubt overcautious, but as a woman who has lived a pretty sheltered life I don’t have the vaguest idea how to find a safe sex worker on the Internet. (Ideally I’d ask a therapist to refer me to a sex surrogate, but I don’t think that’s legal in my state.)

2. Regarding your advice to go places alone, I’d like to comment that although this is generally sound advice, there’s also one huge downside. You said that the letter writer will feel less isolated and less alone. He will feel less isolated—even going grocery shopping makes you feel less isolated—but instead of feeling less alone, he will feel more alone. Being the only person who’s solo in a crowd of people that are all there with someone else makes you feel like the biggest loser in the world. Where I live (major metro area, not on either coast), people almost never go to concerts, festivals, exhibits, etc. all by themselves, and I often get the “side eye” when I do or when I tell people that I do. I do it anyway, but my point is that it brings its own kind of agony.

1. I would tell a woman the same thing—recommend seeing a sex worker—and indeed I have in the past. Lots of men who advertise as gay escorts services are bi straight guys who are gay-for-pay and only too happy to see female clients. Just ask. If you prefer to go with a surrogate, the International Professional Surrogates Association provides information and referrals. "The legal status of surrogate partners is undefined in most of the United States," says the IPSA, so you're still taking a small risk—but a minimal one, particularly if you travel to a California.

2. I would urge you to look around in those crowds at concerts, galleries, festivals, etc. There will be other people on their own and most welcome some conversation, at the very least. And there are websites for people looking for friendship, not romance, where you may be able to connect with people who want to join you at those concerts, galleries, festivals, etc. Good luck and I'm rooting for you.

Another response to TVWBFAWLJNITGW:

I don’t have a question or problem. I’m 86 years old and, yes, had my sexual adventures and unfulfilled cravings in an era when there was no Savage Love, only goodhearted Dear Abby and Ann Landers. The dear twins certainly would not have discussed dildos or vibrators. I’m writing to express my admiration, first for publishing the heartbreaking letter from the 30-year-old male virgin, and mainly for your kind and deeply understanding response, not to mention practical do-something-about-it advice. It made me realize how spoiled I was. Not a fabulous sex life, but good god, almost never the gruesome plague of loneliness and utter rejection, often a problem for the elderly, but devastating for teens and young adults. This man cried out, and you responded. Bless you, Dan, for that. And not just words, but an intelligent and compassionate response.

Well, thanks!

Lastly, a response to FED UP:

I'm a cis 27-year-old male and can speak to the very low bar of dating in New York City. As a male, there truly is a low bar to meet, but I promise not every dude is garbage. While you may have tried some of these, here are my offerings:

Try OkCupid as a means to filter out a lot of the garbage. You can filter people by percent match, short messages, messages with key terms (e.g. "Hey beautiful"), and so on. I used OkCupid three years ago, so it may have changed since I was taken off of the market.

Only commit to quick first dates like coffee, which you might find yourself doing anyway if you weren't going out on a date. If your date does suck, well at least you didn't waste as much of your usual day.

If you liked a guy online (through initial conversations) and they were sweet but awkward on the first date, give them a second date to see if they come out of their shell. I found this helpful both to me and some of the women I dated. I had a lot of great dates after initial awkward first dates.

I think the typical guy you're looking for would be willing to exchange more messages before meeting up, meaning you could have an additional garbage filter. Don't start with long messages, but I strongly believe that anyone who isn't willing to exchange multiple paragraph messages (not PAGES) isn't worth my time on a first date anyway. You could also try dating older men (30-35) who have their heads out of their asses. :-/

I think it does get better as men age, and I'm sorry my fellow brethren are such kumquats. Don't settle for garbage, because you sound like you're worth waiting for.