Oysters, vino, and green things. This is what summer should look like.
Oysters, vino, and green things. This is what summer should look like. White Swan Public House | Facebook

If you haven't spent happy hour lounging on an outdoor patio by the water, lazily sipping an ice cold alcoholic beverage and quietly laughing at all the ungainly, soon-to-be-sunburnt paddleboarders, have you really even done happy hour this summer? Methinks not. Even if you are less of a connoisseur of schadenfreude than I (good for you!), I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone for whom the mesmerizing iridescence of Lake Union on a sunny afternoon is not enhanced by some oysters and a glass of bubbles.

Yes, Seattle in the summer is a thing of rare beauty—insert the obligatory, "Don't tell anyone!" joke here—and the city's many water views even more so. We should all be doing our level best to enjoy this magnificent weather and those magnificent views before the dark, enervating wet season returns. Luckily, many of our intrepid restaurateurs have taken full advantage of the city's shorelines, building all manner of patios, decks, docks, jetties, verandahs and the like for your dining pleasure.

Because Seattle is as expensive at it is magnificent, happy hour is kind of a must, too. Here, for your paddleboarder-mocking pleasure, are five waterside or water-view patio spots with halfway decent happy hours.

The White Swan Public House

This relatively new offering—from the same folks responsible for Matt's in the Market and Radiator Whiskey—is perhaps the best place to watch people pretending to enjoy vaguely uncomfortable waterborne activities. There is a paddleboard rental place on the very same dock that White Swan's patio sits on. While it doesn't offer the innate sense of superiority as Agua Verde's patio, which sits a commanding story above the hapless "active" types patronizing the paddleboard and kayak rental space below, the fare is fancy enough to remind you who's sipping fume blanc and who's fumbling with the straps of their life vest. If you're really trying to round out the "laughing at all you plebes" vibe, there is also boat moorage for your fabulously appointed yacht. Ironically, it is occasionally free.

Besides the feeling of pleasant smugness White Swan affords, it's also got a fabulous view of Lake Union, and the patio is practically the definition of "sun-drenched." This might not be the most budget friendly happy hour in town, what with its $9 cocktail "specials" and $75 champagne/oysters combo, but it does bring the White Swan experience down to the level of a celebratory weeknight splurge. Maybe not, say, for getting out of jury duty, but certainly for a promotion or something.

The clam chowder poutine, offered at $13 during happy hour, works way better than its novelty status would imply. Chowder is basically the gravy of the sea, and the fries are well-executed enough to provide a perfect base for it. Bacon is, as with all unhealthy weeknight decisions, always welcome. The very artistically composed pea salad with edible flowers and burrata—which is sadly not part of happy hour—ain't bad either, although you'll probably be more sated by their $10 fish and chips or $9 smoked trout dip. Oysters are also affordable at $1-$1.75 a pop, depending on market price.

A word to the wise: wind is a thing. You may be tempted to order White Swan's tonkatsu roasted brussels sprouts dish, which is topped with a fluffy mop of paper thin bonito. Don't do it, at least not on the patio. It's an intriguing dish—salty and porky and sweet and roasty and all that—but you will leave covered in little bits of fishy paper. On the upside, you'll find out exactly how gracious and patient your date is if they're sitting downwind.

Happy hour is Mon-Sat 3-5pm, with cheap oysters, food specials, $8 wines by the glass, $9 cocktails, $5 drafts, and $75 for a bottle of true champagne and some oysters.

Westward/Little Gull Grocery

Continuing in the direction of fancy-assed places you can park a boat at, there's Westward. If you're able to get out of the office, on your boat, and over to Westward in time for happy hour, well, look at you. But no matter how you get there, the appeal of their lakeside forest of Adirondack chairs is undeniable.

Though my hackles rise at Westward's unabashed pretension—anywhere with a "Director of Vibe" is implicitly obnoxious—I cannot deny the power of that patio. I haven't eaten there since the certifiably awesome Zoi Antonitsas was at the helm, but when it comes to food, the Huxley Wallace collective tends to deliver on the promise of their pretense, even if all the shellacked fish are a bit much.

What to get? Oysters, obviously, although all their Mediterranean-inspired snacks are decent. Oysters are half-off on weekends from 3 to 5pm, and nothing will make you feel more like you're the type of rich asshole who casually cruises up on their yacht to drink like some bivalves and bubbly, even if you got them at a deep discount and rode in on a Schwinn.

Happy hour is 5-6pm weekdays and 3-6pm weekends, with discounted oysters, as well as beer, wine, cocktail, and food specials.

Ray's Café

I included Ray's Café on the last list of worthy patios I did, and I will unabashedly include it every year on every list of outdoor dining recommendations ever.

For one, the view of the Sound from their deck is absolutely insane. You've got the Magnolia bluffs towering majestically on your left, you've got the vast expanse of water that is Puget Sound all up in everything, you've got container ships lazily cruising across your field of view, and you even have complimentary blanket service on hand if you get chilly. Behold:

For two, the food never fails. Ray's has been open since pretty much forever—my mother waited tables there while pregnant with me, more years ago than I care to share online—and yet they never lapse. The upstairs cafe is not the shiniest star in the city's culinary scene, but sometimes you don't need dehydrated nettle flakes to have a good meal. I recently took the trip out to Ray's for a refresher meal with a friend who works at fancypants Spinasse, and we found ourselves marveling at how goddamn much we were enjoying simple favorites like clams in white wine and crispy calamari. Hell, the perfectly sour sourdough rolls and sculpted butter balls alone are masterpieces of consistency. That simple combo has been sucking me in since I was still dining there in a booster seat, and I cannot think of any more perfect expression of the adage, "If ain't broke, don't fix it."

All restaurants have their charter, and Ray's CafĂ©'s is not to expand minds. Perhaps the actual Ray's Boathouse downstairs does, but their goal upstairs is simply to be the best damn Northwest seafood bayhouse to ever serve up a fried piece of cod on chips, and I'd say they achieve it mightily. They also have a massive and energetic service staff, so what seems like it might be the most chaotic happy hour of your life—especially given the hordes that flock there on sunny days—is somehow seamlessly smooth. I can think of several fancier restaurants that still struggle to achieve that.

Happy hour is 4-6pm everyday, featuring $6 cocktails, $5 drafts, $3 Rainiers, "The Happiest Glass of Wine" for $5, and food specials ranging from $3-$6.

Maximilien

This Pike Place Market dinosaur could definitely be described as "oft overlooked," partly because it's long since lost any buzzy appeal, and partly because it is literally difficult to see, being stashed down the back hallway between MarketSpice and Don and Joe's Meats. However, it is well worth a look.

Their little square of patio is not directly on the water, but the sweeping view it offers of Elliott Bay is sufficient to earn it a spot on the list. Their masterfully done mussels also help. Mussels are kind of Maximilien's thing, and they used to offer a whole cornucopia of different preparations, but they stick to the classic Moules Marinares for happy hour. They sure do know how to steam those little guys, and at the absolutely insane price of $6, it is an incredibly accessible way to live your al fresco shellfish slurping dreams. They also do $20 bottles of house wine, and I have many fond early-20's memories of meeting up with my similarly paycheck-to-paycheck friends to indulge in the class signifier of an ice bucket.

Their escargot is also another shortcut to classiness, with six snails for a mere $8. Throw some frites in for $4, and you've got yourself all the makings of a minor French feast. I think they are, at this point, most known for their happy hour, and it's not hard to see why. Nowadays, those prices are nothing if not noteworthy.

Happy hour is Mon-Fri 5-7pm, with dishes from $4-$12, the aforementioned house wine (also at $5/glass), $6 absinthe, and Kronenbourg at $3 a pop or $15 for a bucket of six.

Little Water Cantina

Little Water is not new, by any means, but I do see it as one of the more welcome additions to modern Seattle. I've got a soft spot for their view, because their building is directly behind the marina where I lived on a tugboat as a kid, and it mimics that, but even people who didn't have weirdly Seattle childhoods will enjoy gazing out over the bobbing sails of Lake Union's many marinas and the majestic towers of rust that jut out of Gasworks Park's green hills.

Little Water makes their guacamole fresh every day, and it's a happy hour mainstay at $5. For a heliotropic happy hour, you also can't go wrong with ceviche, which they offer a rotating preparation of at $7. Affordable nachos ($9) and a daily spicy wing special ($8) are also more than welcome additions. Little Water gets extra points for being the only happy hour on this list that offers industry hour, which runs from 10pm-close. It being a popular time for washing away the misery of waiting on people far more privileged than oneself with copious amounts of alcohol, drink specials dominate the carte, but the guac is still $5, and chips and salsa are free. It might be dark out by the time you get done, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve a shot and a beer and a view of all the pretty lights reflecting off Lake Union.

Happy hour is 3-6pm Mon-Fri.