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Thirty something queer female in an open relationship with a woman for three years. My heart is super gay but I also enjoy being dominated by men from time to time. Recently I hooked up with a man and we did some BDSM play—mostly impact play and lots of pain stuff, it was super hot. I also need to mention that I am white and he is black. I'm also an activist and my work is all about racial and social justice. Later we were texting about more of our fantasies. I told him I like being called names: bitch, slut, whore, dyke, cunt. I also asked him to spit in my face. He was into all of that and came back with a fantasy of his own: he wants me to call him a n****r. Specifically, he wants me to say things like, "Lick my fucking pussy, you fucking n****r."

Now in theory I'm into this. Humiliation and transgression are hot, and it's basically the same thing I'm asking him to do, just a different flavor. The problem is, I can't bring myself to say the n-word. I've been trying to say it alone when I know I won't be overheard, but I'm having such a hard time getting that word to come out of my mouth. I want to go there with him, I just don't know how. Any tips on how to get more comfortable with this?

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