Juice Press

Russell Wilson is Opening a Juice Bar Because of Course He Is

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It will be in University Village, because of course it will.

"Russell is teaming up with the fastest growing NYC-based organic food retailer to bring the largest and freshest variety of organic cold-pressed juices, smoothies, soups and snacks to 'The Emerald City,'" a recent press release announced.

The popular sports man became enamored of New York City juice business Juice Press, announcing plans to open one here last August. Now that he's locked down the location and posed for some glamour shots, there's even a loose commitment to a fall opening. The store replaces a former Evolution Fresh location, reports Seattle Met, so it's not exactly changing the juice quotient in the city.

However, I'm sure some of you will be absolutely stoked to go chug fiberless sugar liquid with the guy who really should have given it to Lynch that one time. To you I say, welcome to the Juice Press, baby.

Are Vegan Burgers an Oxymoron?

Military intelligence, airplane food, compassionate capitalism, and now... vegan burgers? Technically, you can form a lump of black beans into something resembling a real beef hamburger patty, but is it really a burger? Why can't we call them "alternative protein sandwiches" or something more intellectually honest? I'm all for eating less meat and worshipping the earth mother and shit, but a hamburger is a hamburger is a hamburger.

Anyway, all that ranting is preface to the news, via Eater, that Next Level Burger is opening in the Roosevelt Whole Foods on the 25th. It's an Oregon-based vegan chain, and they specialize in vegan versions of the types of dishes you associate most with non-vegan eating, like hot dogs, burgers, and shakes. I very much enjoy the idea of plant-based eating, but I still can't understand why you want to pretend you're eating a juicy, pink-in-the-middle American hamburger while you do it. If going vegan has you pining for a burger that badly, just find a grass-fed, locally sourced one and get after it.

Seattle Met's Secret Supper is Happening

My fellow food writers over at Seattle Met hold a yearly dinner at a top-secret location to announce their pick for Restaurant of the Year. The location, obviously, is their pick, and paying guests get to find out before the rest of the rabble. Last year it was Bateau, a place I was kind of underwhelmed by, but the year before that was Stateside, where I am always very whelmed. Either way, I've got mad respect for their collective palate, so I'm excited to see who will get the nod this year. Won't be surprised if it's JuneBaby.

A Couple Closings

Blackboard Bistro in West Seattle will close on August 19, reports the West Seattle Blog. The husband/wife team running it, Ginger and Jacob Wiegner, became a husband-only team when Ginger's parents fell ill and required full-time care. The restaurant is up for sale, they tell WSB, and given the pace of new restaurants on that side of the Duwamish, I'd say it won't be long until something new pops up.

Over in Ballard, a flood in the Greenfire building has temporarily closed ground-floor residents Skillet and Parfait, reports MyBallard. Both places mentioned the closure on their respective social media channels back on July 28, and promised updates there, but neither has posted anything since. Thus, I'm assuming they're still closed, because water damage is insidious and terrible.

In Better Ballard News

Tropicos Breeze, a popular Aurora Avenue Salvadorean and Central American restaurant, will open its second location, My Ballard says. It'll be in the former Young American Ale House location, and should be open "next month." I'll miss Maria Hines' poutine, but there is certainly nothing wrong with more pupusas.

And while pupusas are wonderful, Ballard newcomer Pink Bee's curry sandwiches also look pretty damn good. The new Ballard sandwich shop slipped under my radar when it opened back in June, but has been serving up its sandwiches and rice plates to great online acclaim since. Of note: their satay sauce is a special peanut-free version, for those of you who have typically been barred from such pleasures.

You Can Soon Buy a Zelda Tea Ball

Friday Afternoon is a new tea shop and cafe opening in Wallingford, according to Wallyhood, and their origin story is pretty rad:

"Friday Elliott was raised on a spiritual retreat in California and grew up learning about tea in a medicinal context. In the early 2000s, she discovered the joys of high quality loose leaf black tea and realized that tea is equally beneficial to one's happiness as it is to one's health.

Friday became driven to learn everything there was to learn about tea. Having been raised a 'legacy geek' (her parents met in Star Trek club), she was able to find a way to blend her passion for teas with her geeky interests. Her business really took off when a friend wanted a special custom made tea blend for an Alice in Wonderland Party. The rest is history."

The upshot is that they have a bunch of wonderful blends named for different Dungeons and Dragons characters, but also a Triforce tea ball whose product description ends with, "It's dangerous to brew alone! Take this!" Which makes her the official best tagline copywriter ever.

Wallyhood also informs us that Patty's Eggnest is probably opening a food truck in the Rancho Bravo parking lot up thereabouts.

You Might Want to Rethink that Bulleit Order, BTW

Apparently they fired Hollis Bulleit, who is lesbian, because she is lesbian. Read the whole sad, terrifying saga over at the Washington Post. Dickel is cheaper and just as good, if you ask me.

Lastly, Another Food Aberration for You to Ponder

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Did we really need to put pho in a burrito? Is it even pho if it's not noodles in broth? Would that even taste good? These are all questions I was content to live out the rest of my life never knowing the answer to, but you can always trust some wiseass in Portland to push the envelope, can't you?

UPDATE: Ana Sofia informs me that we do indeed have a phorito in Seattle, if you're curious to try this unholy creation. I didn't know it existed, because the closest I'm willing to get to Century Link field is a bar stool at Hooverville, but it does. It is in section 105 at the Best of Pioneer Square/Chinatown ID booth. She has never tried it, she adds, "because of how long their goddamn lines are." Maybe that means it's good?

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