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As a long-time reader I have heard you mention using marijuana as a way to loosen up sexually, and I am all for it! Unfortunately my attempts thus far have not gone well. I started out easy with a 5 mg cookie and didn't feel anything. Then I tried a 10 mg cookie (Journeyman) and I felt super tired, took a nap, and felt terrible when I woke up. The whole rest of the day I felt like I had the flu. It was really unpleasant.

What am I doing wrong? I have had fun highs before, so I know it's possible for me, but that was when it was illegal, so I have no idea what strains/dosage it was. I have read lots of "how to" pieces online, and I know it's probably different person to person, but I would really love any personal recommendations you may have. I have heard you mention lozenges? How do I find something that doesn't make me want to curl up on the couch forever? As a Mom I don't have many opportunities to experiment, so if you can help me find that perfect dose/brand faster that would be amazing!

Wanting Euphoric Edible Dose

For many long and lonely years, WEED, I was the only full-time, dues-paying, annual-convention-attending member of the advice industrial complex high enough brave enough to advise a letter writer to smoke some pot. Finally, in 2014, Slate's Prudie Emeritus, Emily Joffe, joined me in backing weed as an effective way to "loosen up sexually." Here's Joffe/Prudie in 2014:

Consider taking a trip together to Colorado or Washington State. For one thing, when the children are far away with their grandparents or a trusted babysitter, your wife won't be distracted about the need to make their lunches. For another, you two can explore the new world of legal marijuana. To get aroused, your wife has to shut off the competing voices in her head. So join with her and share a joint.

I welcomed Joffe/Prudie into the fold here and added my own THC-impaired thoughts:

For a guy like me—someone with their fair share of hang-ups, body image issues, and, yes, sexual inhibitions—pot was very freeing. It helped me to do something that I had never been able to do on my own: It turned off that voice in my head that said, "You're not going to eat that, are you?" So, yeah, get high and have sex. It's amazing—or it can be. Individual results may vary, of course, but pot can make you silly, it can make you horny, it can make you playful, and it can put you in the moment.

Or you can have too little and feel nothing, WEED, or too much and feel sleepy. The trick is finding your Goldilocks strain/dose—the amount and/or kind just right for you. And here's what we know now: 10 mg is too much, 5 mg is too little. So maybe try 7.5 mg?

Not everyone likes edibles, WEED. And even people who do like edibles have preferences on certain edibles/strains. And one weed cookie is not the same as another—it's the wild west out there right now, and dosages and intensities seem to vary wildly, sometimes even batch-to-batch in the same product line. But if you've tried a Journeyman cookie twice and you didn't like it, maybe try a weed soda? Or some weed water? Or a little weed lube? Or some other brand of weed cookie?

All that said, WEED, I'm not an expert. Duni Disston, however, is. She's a representative for BOND Sensual Oil—aka weed lube a sensual cannabis oil—and she knows a thing or two about getting it just right. I shared your email with her, and she emailed back...

Yes, edibles take a little longer to get going compared to smoking, but they have a smoother, longer-lasting arc and that's why we like them. If you're open to trying other forms of cannabis, there are two other products made specifically to help enhance sexual pleasure. BOND Sensual Oil and Vashon Velvet's CannaSutra flower.

BOND Sensual Oil is made from organic coconut oil and ultra-refined cannabis oil, and it works when in contact with the vagina. Take time to liberally apply in and around the clitoris, inner and outer labia. HINT: Applying internally will heighten the experience! Every body is different so throw your expectations out the window and get to know how BOND makes you feel. (When used anally it will also get you high!)

CannaSutra is a sensual, serene, and playful strain that acts as an aphrodisiac for both women and men. Prepare yourself for a stimulating and rousing effect, combined with a happy, delicious mood. With a citrusy aroma, CannaSutra increases desire while making you feel relaxed and not sleepy. Play and be present!

My good friend and longtime Savage Love/Savage Lovecast guest expert Mistress Matisse has her own brand of weed lube too—check out Velvet Swing.

As for my preferred edibles: I'm a big fan of The Good Ship's cookies and Zoots' lozenges. (They call 'em Zootrocks or "cannabis infused nuggets," but every stoner I know just calls 'em lozenges.) You could give them a try if you're in Washington state. (Weed companies can't sell the products across state lines. Not sure why and not inclined to look it up at the moment. But this odd bit of protectionism has resulted in unique product lines in each state where voters—always voters, never cowardly politicians—have legalized weed.) For those who don't live in Washington or one of the other states currently experimenting with legal weed (and their tax revenues), "cannabis sensual oils" can be made at home. (Just remember: coconut oil isn't safe with latex.) It doesn't take much Googling to find pot recipes online, WEED, but you'll be experimenting at your own risk.

Good luck, WEED. There's a dosage that'll work for you, I promise, and you're going to have fun finding it.


Queer lady stoner in the midwest here. I read both your response and the comments on the recent letter from a woman who is looking for an edible that's going to enhance her sex life and I didn't see anyone mention the importance of understanding indica vs. sativa strains of cannabis. A lot of weed is a cross between the two varietals. Sounds like she's been doing indica-dominant edibles, which really should be though of more like medicine—more of a body high, good for pain relief and sleep problems, bad for going out on the town or getting down. Sativa, on the other hand, is more of a creative, head high and probably going to work better for her. I recently visited the enlightened state of Oregon and had some kick-ass sativa gummy edibles that put me in a really happy head space and would be a good enhancer for sexy funtimes.

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