I'm in a long distance relationship with a bisexual man with poly tendencies. I have no problem with him being with men because they can provide things I, as a cis woman, can't without the help of toys. (Anything I do to him, I want to feel as well. Sounds kind of selfish, I know, but we figured it out.) But I worry he will hook up with another girl down the road. I've expressed my jealousy problems when it comes to other women but he won't give me a concrete answer on whether or not he'll honor my request of me being the only woman. Should I suck it up, push my worries aside, and place my faith in him? Please help me out.

Feeling Relatively/Entirely Tense

You've repeatedly asked your bisexual-leans-poly man to assure you—to promise you—that he won't fuck other women, FRET, and so far he's refused to give you a "concrete answer." Now you're asking me to round his ambiguous/non-concrete answers up to rock-solid promises and give you the assurance he won't. You want me to promise you that your boyfriend won't fuck with other women so you can "push your worries aside," place your faith in him, let him keep placing his cock in you, etc.

I'm sorry, FRET, but I can't do that.

Because when you ask someone not to do X and their response is, "Maybe I'll do X, maybe I won't do X," they're already doing X or they're making plans to do X or they don't wanna do X but they pretty sure they won't be able to resist doing X if an opportunity to do X should come their way. The non-concrete/ambiguous answer can take many forms — "I have no intention of doing X," "Why would you think I would even wanna do X?" "Right now doing X is the farthest thing from my mind" — but they're all offered up for the same reason: The person you asked never to do X knows they're gonna do X sooner or later, they know they're likely to get caught doing X, and they don't want to be in trouble for lying on top of the trouble they're gonna be in for doing X.

Now I don't know if your boyfriend is already fucking other women, FRET—in fact, I doubt very much he is. But those ambiguous responses are a good indication he knows he's gonnawanna fuck other women at some point. His intent most likely isn't to deceive you, FRET, but to buy him time. Instead of telling you what you clearly don't wanna hear right now—that he's gonnawanna fuck other women at some point—he's hoping you'll round his ambiguous answers up to the promise you wanted to hear and that maybe, if and when he wants to sleep with another woman, you'll be more receptive the idea. If you're certain that'll never be the case, FRET, make that clear to him now.

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