Recent Savage Love Letters of the Day: How can he make his boyfriend get off Grindr? What's stopping her from having sex? How can he help his friend who was assaulted by Harvey Weinstein? How do they tell their friend to stop bragging about her sexual exploits?

Also: last week's column and Savage Lovecast.

Some reader advice for DICKPICS:

Another suggestion for DICKPICS: a mono-poly relationship. If the wife really doesn't want to force him to break his girlfriend's heart, which would be a very shitty thing for her to want, maybe they have a shot at a successful mono-poly relationship. He has two partners, his wife has only him. More Than Two has a page about the challenges and benefits.

And for FAG:

Just want to remind all the young folks that so long as you are safe and careful, you are unlikely to regret enjoying yourself in your 20s as much as you can. I've met plenty of 40 and 50 year olds who wonder what life would have been like if they'd made different choices, but I've never heard anyone say "Gee, I wish I'd had less sex when I was 23." Not that this helps the LW's immediate situation, but it might be a good thing to keep in the back of the mind when figuring out how to deal with both his breakup and his best friend.

Regarding the Palace:

Thank you for your reply to the kinky parents with fundamentalist adult children who did not want to be cut off from their grandchildren. If it were possible, I would have happily chimed in that nieces, nephews, and grandchildren grow up awfully fast. This is something that can be managed. I am queer and kinky, and had to keep a lot of things under wraps because my brother and SIL are deeply religious, and my two little nephews are two exceptional shining lights in my otherwise (very happily) childfree life. Fast forward, and those two little boys are now taller than I am, growing up fast, and heading to college. I'm their beloved auntie. We have an excellent relationship which nobody can take away, and (luckily for me) they are a helluva lot more enlightened and open-minded than their parents. This took no time at all. It was worth the wait.

Regarding WAR:

I was a young woman back in the 70s and early 80s, when for the most part powerful men did not bother to try to hide this type of behaviour. It was prevalent to the extent that if a powerful man who had some influence over a young woman's financial and career prospects did NOT try in some way to exploit her sexually, it was a surprise. I had zero surprise when Trump's "grab 'em by the pussy" tape came out - for a man of his type, raised when he was raised, and working in the environment he worked in, NOT having his attitudes would be the shocker. Awareness of this was just part of life—in fact, some of the opposition to "career girls" from the people who actually cared about these women (fathers, brothers, husbands, etc.) came from the basic assumption that a young woman out in the working world was opening herself up to sexual harassment. *

* and yes, of course it's more complex than that, and fear of women's independence weighed even heavier, but knowing that your wife's boss would be making the moves on her was part of "My wife will never work!"


To actually answer the LW's question, talk therapy is now covered under all health plans at the same cost as a visit to a regular doctor. This is thanks to the Mental Health Parity Act, which Trump has fortunately not ruined yet. I'd encourage LW's friend to see a therapist ASAP, especially since mental health services are now within the reach of most people.

For DSA:

1. Change therapists. Three years is too long without progress.

2. I think Dan missed the mark here. I read this letter as the most likely situation is LW is just extremely anxious about being physical intimate with someone. It's not that they don't want sex, it's just the prospect of actually having it with another person whose opinion LW seems concerned about can be overwhelming.

It's easy for those of us who have a lot of experience to forget how terrifying sex can be to someone who hadn't done it before. If that's the case, just communicate that... a good partner will help you/assure you through it at a pace that works for you.

And we'll close with a compliment (blush) and a heartwarming story...

I am a HUGE fan of yours! I began reading your column in high school (I'm 28 now) and I religiously listen to your podcast. I've learned so much about healthy sex and healthy relationships from you so THANK YOU! I also wanted to share this article with you because I think you would appreciate it. In the past you have spoken of the importance of parents supporting their queer/non-binary children and I think these parents deserve major kudos. I'm a mom to a 19-month-old little girl who my husband and I love dearly. If she happens to been gender non-conforming and/or queer I will know how to support her because of you. So thank you for the work you do to educate people and make the world a better place!

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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