Counterpoint: Candy Corn Is Great and I'm Gonna Slap the Next Basic Bitch Queer Who Says Otherwise

Comments

3
What if you just didn't eat candy corn? What if you just ordered something else besides pineapple pizza? What if you just didn't drink pumpkin spice lattes? Is there any place that offers candy corn or pumpkin spice or pineapple pizza that doesn't have a MENU? With like 50 other things on it?

It's one thing to complain the transit system sucks because it's not like there's ten other transit systems on the menu. But when you bitch and bitch and bitch about this one menu choice, you sound like a douche.

What the hell kind of people spend their time bitching about this one thing out of dozens of other ready choices that they don't like? Do they think everybody likes every single kind of candy? Or pizza topping? The whole reason there are so many is that not everyone likes each one. Obviously.

Is it that you think sounding like a douche has some kind of ironic humor? Because no.

If your problem is that your "friends" never order any pizza except Maui wowie and laugh in your sad face as you stare at your pineapple pizza, that's not pineapple's fault. You have a personal relationships problem. Let's deal with that.
4
@3
I googled this just for you.
https://assets3.thrillist.com/v1/image/2…
5
People like objecting to things, or if there's nothing to object to, they object to people objecting to things.
6
There should be a candy corn poll about this
7
this is correct thank you good dan.
8
Poll added, Urgutha.
9
Or I tried. Don't see it popping up. Sorry!
10
Candy Corn is the Hillary Clinton of Halloween candies. There are those obsessed with it, but then they try to force it on everybody else who rightfully hates it.
11
At least they don't taste like pumpkin spice
12
You should change the headline to "Basic Queer" and see how that looks.SAD!
13
Rich is right. Lewis Black conclusively established that all of the Candy Corn in existence was manufactured in 1914, and after Halloween the Candy Corn Co. sends out crews to raid dumpsters for all the Candy Corn that is thrown away, and then re-packages it ("they wash it, they wash it"): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jklghkb8…
14
If this argument includes throwing candy corn at each other, we need to see the video.
15
@12: Done.
16
I'm glad I can stop fearing the label of "basic bitch" now. Clearly it has no meaning whatsoever if Dan can refer to those who detest candy corn as such. Lewis Black set this debate to rest years ago.
17
Grandpa's house smells like Old Spice. If your Grandpa's house didn't/doesn't smell like Old Spice he sucked ass and needs to have his Grandpa-ing license revoked.
18
I'm not voting to sack some poor guy who's only crime is to dish some bit of food. Candy Corn, the name alone is problematic. Pumpkin, corn, what is it with Halloween and vegetables.
19
Candy Corn is great.
Have you had the little candy corn Pumpkins?
Also good, but not quite as good as the corn.
20
"Rich you ignorant slut!" Pound that desk, Dan - but Rich is Right...
21
#4 The more candy corn Dan eats, the less of those yellow/orange rabbit turds are lying around.
22
This hilarity has made an otherwise crappy day a hell of a lot more tolerable. Thanks, Dan!
23
rich has got to go.
24
Candy corn is like Valentine's Day candy conversation hearts. If it should suddenly disappear one day, people might start asking WHY?! Where is it?!...Now I wonder what Rich thinks about Smarties;The Other Hated Halloween Candy?
25
I love you, Dan, but I could not possibly agree with Rich more. Candy corn is an abomination. It's a crime against humanity. Those involved in its production should be ostracized from polite society. But, by all means, keep eating it. As Kylecheez points out, the more of those orange turds you eat, the fewer will be around to endanger decent people.

Can I keep on reading Savage Love?
26
Isn't candy corn just pure sugar?
I love sugar-laden foods more than just about anyone, but candy corn? I'd rather eat spinach.
27
Smarties, who could have an issue with those.
28
It would appear the voters have spoken... so long Rich!

Unless of course this is decided by electoral and not popular voting in which case... so long Dan!
29
Is Stranger really Dan's paper? He owns it?
30
@11: ""At least they don't taste like pumpkin spice"

I have some bad news for you....

Pumpkin spice candy corn is a thing, along with pumpkin spice Oreos. My theory is that pumpkin spice is how the zombie apocalypse will be delivered.
31
I chose so one I don't agree with because I support that idea of the other person cleaning out his desk.
32
Candy corn is crack, we literally cannot have it in the house. Fortunately it never makes it home from the store.
33
Thanks for that laugh.
34
Rich is wrong about candy corn—which really shouldn't surprise me, seeing as my Blabbermouth sparring partner is WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING. Here's Rich (trigger warning for ageism):
One person calling another out for ageism when both of them are panelists on what is basically a Generational-Smackdown-themed political podcast is a pretty neat trick.
35
You can eat candy corn and nobody will interfere.

But that doesn't change the fact that it is mediocre waxy sugar. I mean, at least it's not a Bit-O-Honey or a circus peanut... Fortunately, I've never seen someone put out a bowl of Bit-O-Honey. But bowls of candy corn are quite common.
36
@10 - You should ask your russian friends to reprogram you so you can do more than just be triggered by Hillary as much as the president is.