If someone does come out to you as bi, a threesome comment shouldn't be the first thing out of your mouth.

I told my now-husband, when we were dating, that I consider myself bisexual though I've never had a same-sex experience. Thank goodness he took it well, and threesomes were not mentioned at the time (in later conversations he mentioned his willingness to partake in a 'good threesome' (ie MFF) under the right circumstances). There's a time and a place to talk threesomes and the initial disclosure of bisexuality isn't it.

I think Dan alludes to this reality in this answer and in another recent column, but straight women have a real issue with men who also enjoy being sexual with another man, whereas a guy who finds out his girlfriend enjoys sex with women thinks he’s got an awesome girlfriend. At heart, a man who has sex with me is deemed less manly to heterosexual women, whereas a woman who has sex with women is somehow more feminine to heterosexual men.

While I defer to Dan, I have a hard time imagining many gay men are truly interested and aroused by performing oral sex on a woman. Sure the willingness to have your tongue on a woman’s clitoris and labia, or inside her vagina isn’t a guarantee that such a man is straight, heteroflexible, or bi, your odds are very high that he’s not gay.

But if the reassurance your seeking is that your boyfriend is just as manly as you thought before learning he also enjoyed interacting sexual with men too, there is nothing that anyone can really say to reassure you. Then, your issue isn’t is my boyfriend attracted to me sexually, but am I psychologically open to dating a guy who is not straight.

Sublime, I wonder if it's more about insecurity or jealousy? It's comparatively easy to find men to have sex with. Straight dudes can cheat too, but they are unlikely to have the opportunities that bi/gay dudes have. That's my guess? Because it's not specific to bi men as there is a stigma among lesbians also about dating bi women too and that would not involve concerns about traditional masculinity.

In any case, does any one else think Dan's filter about eating pussy is outdated now?

A guy will stick his cock anywhere. A gay guy will not put his mouth and nose anywhere near lady parts. This is not something that changes with time.

I don't see how any discussion of this guy's preferences can leave out his prostate aka the He Spot, since it provides the kind of spine-shattering, toe-curling, hair-straightening, screaming orgasms that men who've never had a finger or a toy or a penis "up there" can only dream of.

If your man is secure enough in his sexuality that he's in touch with his He Spot, then thank your lucky stars, because you've landed a man that likely will be excited to try new things that get you off, too.

On a side note, I've always been curious (100% gay here): What do women get out of ass play?

I tried Googling, but the first dozen articles were all written BY MEN and were mostly about how to talk their girlfriends or wives into it.

Andrew, do you mean for themselves or for their partners? Obviously there's great pleasure to be had in providing pleasure for your partner, so I enjoy stimulating a man's prostate just like I enjoy stimulating his dick even though I have neither.

If you mean a woman's ass, it's a variety of things. If it's hot for the man to fuck your ass, then see above- it's hot to do things that your partner finds hot. But as for a woman's own physical sensations, it provides a fullness and pressure that you don't get from vaginal sex alone- especially if you are simultaneously stimulating the vagina and clit. I've found that this works just as well in reverse- using a butt plug or having fingers up your ass while having vaginal sex provides that sense of pressure and fullness better IMO so I prefer assplay like that rather than anal sex if I'm just talking about my own pleasure. Also it's been my experience that anal sex positions provide more room to access the clit. But mostly I think it's just because it's naughty.

Granny, lately I lean more towards thinking that most people have whatever sex is acceptable in a society so that in a society in which same-sex encounters are a norm, people are perfectly capable of enjoying same-sex experiences under some circumstances. The outliers are those that really do have a hard preference- gay people who risked their lives to be out back when the only acceptable option was straight sex for example, but also straight people who chose not to engage in pederasty or romantic love when that was the norm. The understanding of this in terms of sexual identities is fairly recent- seems like most people just fucked whoever it was normal for them to fuck throughout time, and in periods when it was normal to sometimes have same-sex encounters, they did. And even those that have a hard preference might sometimes experiment, especially as they are getting to know themselves. So assuming this understanding of human nature is true, then also the norms about what is expected in sexual encounters is also going to change. These days, it's common enough for even straight people to do assplay that it's a running joke that all young people eat ass. I doubt that's true, but the joke wouldn't even have made sense 20 years ago. In any case, it's absolutely the norm now that oral sex is a part of normal sexual encounters, so I'd assume that it's more common now for even gay men who experiment with their sexual identities to eat pussy. I mean, if a woman sucked dick in sexual encounters with a man before coming out as a lesbian, we wouldn't apply the same litmus test would we? It seems like men were less likely to eat pussy in general in the past- it wasn't an expected part of sexual encounters like it seems to be today. I dunno, but I think we are rapidly moving towards a near future in which sexual identity is considered an outdated thing in general and people just fuck who they want without thinking so much about it.

It is my belief that everyone is bisexual to one degree or another. Sexuality is a spectrum from ultra straight (homophobic) to uber gay (I don't know what the equivalent term would be). I don't know if it is even possible for anyone to be at the absolute extremes. However, very few people (relatively speaking) are actively bisexual. They express their bisexuality in other ways. In the boyfriend's case, he does it through gay porn and butt play. Best guess (for what ever that is worth) the closest he may ever come to actively expressing his bisexuality is through a MMF or MMMF.

In response to Original Andrew: I don't know what women get out of receiving anal sex. I'm not squeamish, and I don't think it's dirty or shocking or taboo, so it's simply not fun for me. If I'm relaxed it doesn't hurt but it doesn't feel good either, so it's just boring without the "mercy me! How thrilling and daring this is" which I think is much of the appeal for the women who like it.

@5/Original Andrew: “I don't see how any discussion of this guy's preferences can leave out his prostate aka the He Spot, since it provides the kind of spine-shattering, toe-curling, hair-straightening, screaming orgasms that men who've never had a finger or a toy or a penis "up there" can only dream of.”

That may be your experience, and that of many men, but the idea that prostate stimulation is somehow a magic button isn’t a universal experience.

As for what some women enjoy in experiencing ass play, I think there is a psychological dimension and physiological dimension. Psychologically, there is the thrill of experiencing something taboo or “dirty.” There is also the thrill of submitting to being touched, explored, and penetrated in a different way. Physiologically, a woman’s clitoris extends back and splits into a wishbone that runs downward on either side of her vaginal opening. That part of her clitoris can be positioned in her body so that anal sex stimulates her and can lead to orgasms.

@8

"It is my belief that everyone is bisexual to one degree or another. Sexuality is a spectrum from ultra straight (homophobic) to uber gay (I don't know what the equivalent term would be)"

No they're not. On a Kinsey scale of 1 to 6; I'm a 7.
That whole 'everyone's bisexual to a degree" crap is homophobic in it's own way.

Oh yeah--and men don't 'have pussies'.

@6 @Andrew: For me, I find that anal sex seems to create more sensation than vaginal sex. I want to make some statement about nerve endings, but I don't really know. When it's done wrong, the extra sensation can be bad--painful, or just overloading, mentally. But when you're in the mood and prepped and your man is into it--damn, it can be fantastic. I feel the in-and-out more than in vaginal sex, it feels like something which is closer to touching, as opposed to a general pressure, which I associate with vaginal sex. If I were to compare the two at their ideals, I'd say anal sex alone gets me closer to orgasm than vaginal sex alone (although neither quite do, I need that extra clit attention). I dunno, I'm definitely not always up for it, and it takes a lot more prep/work/mental energy, but those times when I am, it's amazing.

Typing all those qualifiers must be exhausting. I miss the 90's 8^)

I am going to second the notion that "everyone is bi" is homophobic.

I disagree with Dan that ass-play lands a man anywhere on a bi spectrum. LW should relax and keep in mind that if her BF is bi, it is a win for her. Bi partners are better in bed, tend to be more comfortable in their skin, judge other people and their kinks/desires less (or at least at a younger age) and if she can get past the 'will I be enough?' hang-up that has nothing to do with gay/straight/bi and everything to do with self-esteem, her BF may be someone to help her break through her insecurities.
LW don't stress about this- your BF sounds like he is open and honest with you. Take him at his word and work on growing and evolving together. You sound young- have fun!

Her issue is more "am I enough" rather than her boyfriend's sexuality. You can't always be what the other person wants a 100% of the time and neither can they. But I get it, I was there too and I am bi too. This anxiety of hers would still be there if he was straight and was watching straight porn. He's being up front with you, so chances are he likes you. LW, create the intimacy that will help you attain a security about yourself. This period of your relationship should be filled with NRE not FUD. I would suggest watching and jerking off to porn together in order to feel more comfortable with the whole situation. Otherwise, your insecurity not his sexuality will be the down fall.

I don't think LW's BF is even bi; he's just really into his own body and not shy about experiencing pleasure via more than just his dick. He's also probably a little narcissistic (liking to wear thongs i/o more traditional male underwear). The narcissism might also be a part of the pleasure of watching gay porn (i/o straight), especially as the guys are usually cute and younger, so he can relate to their images as well as lots of ass play.

I wish the LW had indicated their ages, though she does give the impression of being young and insecure ... and how long they'd been together - considering that the BF has basically revealed a major aspect of his sexual repertoire.

I'm surprised, Dan, that you didn't mention "Bend Over Boyfriend 1" (lots of talk) and its sequel "Bend Over Boyfriend 2" (less talk, more fucking) as a teaching and exploratory guide for straight couples where the woman uses a strap-on on her appreciative partner.

If the LW could access the BOB movies and other factual information about male sexuality, she'd learn that even a straight man can be into ass play with a woman in the driver's seat.

@ my 18
Ack! It's hard to focus on details when reading the back-and-forth messages. They've been together for six months.

elmsyrup @ 9 Anal sex represents almost perfect birth control (nothing is absolute and accidents do happen) so women don't have to worry about pregnancy or paternity. Given the relative service area, the anus has significantly more nerve endings than the clitoris. Both pleasure and pain produce dopamine. So yes, for many men and women being on the receiving of anal sex is indeed a pleasurable experience.

Sfhally @ 11 Are women absolutely repugnant to you (in general, not solely as sex objects or partners) ? Are you incapable of admiring the female form? Do you claim to be more gay than Ru Paul? First the Kinsey's study is flawed as it was based on interviews. They lacked the technology for more sophisticated analysis sexual orientation among which is the ability monitor brain activity. The Kinsey Scale isn't so much a scale as a spectrum. Kinsey and his partners came up with the idea that, contrary to the popular idea of a two-point scale of human sexuality — containing only gay and straight identities as options — there were considerable shades of gray in between, and that most humans could be attracted to both sexes to different degrees. If you are gong to reference Kinsey you should at least know what they really postulated.

Really can't be the hard Kinsey et al. They used what was available in 1948. The Kinsey Institute itself points out two other possible scales about human sexual identity that take into account other factors. One is the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, developed by Fritz Klein, which is a more complex continuum. It takes into account emotional preference, social preference and lifestyle, rates sexual attraction as separate from fantasies or sex itself, and includes how you define yourself and how you've felt about your orientation over time — in the past, right now, and how you may feel in the future. The other is Michael Storms' axis, developed in 1980, which does something different: it graphs sexuality on two axes, Y and X. Instead of using behavior or feeling, it uses homoeroticism and hetero-eroticism as its main categories. This is a more accurate depiction of human sexuality because it actually includes asexuals, who sit at the base of X without any attraction to anybody.

@ 6 Original Andrew and @ 13 ciods

The female equivalent to the male prostrate is the perineal sponge. Some women enjoy anal play or anal sex because they provide stimulation of the perineal sponge.

Below is a citation from Em & Lo's excellent article on the perineal sponge.

"WHAT IS THE PS-SPOT?
The PS stands for perineal sponge, which lies between the vagina and rectum, just beneath the perineum (that band of skin between the vaginal opening and the anus). The perineal sponge is a mass of erectile tissue, which means that when it’s stimulated, it fills with blood and becomes engorged, just like a man’s penis and a woman’s clitoris do during arousal. ... for some women, it’s the key to their orgasm; but for others it does nothing for them, or worse, it’s actually uncomfortable."
http://www.emandlo.com/everything-you-di…

I hope this helps.

Straight woman here, who prefers anal to vaginal.
1. My husband and I are both fat. The gymnastics to have PIV nearly spoil the fun and games.
2. I can't use hormonal birth control, and we can have anal without condoms.
3. There are squillion wonderful nerve endings around the anus and rectum.
4. That feeling of gradually relaxing and letting him in.
5. That feeling of fullness once he's in.
6. I don't know what's going on internally, but I can have physical orgasms, that seem to include vaginal contractions, so at least in my body, there's a lot of intertwined networking.
7. Adding a vaginal vibrator and both of us feeling the vibrations and extra fullness, plus the DP feeling.

tl;dr: I like it because it feels good.

Hate to burst so many bubbles, but gay men can eat pussy and like it. I did it for 20 years in a very traditional kind of marriage with a woman I truly loved. I always knew I preferred dick, but it took a long time to accept who I really am. And no, I'm not bi either, nor am I a great actor. I'm just one very sexual guy who enjoys pleasing his romantic lovers.

@ 21 - "Are women absolutely repugnant to you (in general, not solely as sex objects or partners) ? " etc.

I'm totally gay, have never felt any sexual attraction to women in any way, but that doesn't mean I am repulsed by them. I am not repulsed by office furniture, but I don't want to have sex with it either. I can appreciate the beauty of women just as I appreciate the beauty of E-type Jaguars or sunsets, but I don't want to have sex with cars or planetary movements.

Your analogies are devoid of any relevance. You may very well believe that everyone is bi, and it may even be a sincerely held belief, but please don't impose it on others. Especially not on people whose experience, which IS relevant, contradict your belief.

Thanks, all. This is very educational and enlightening.

My freshman year in college, I knew a lesbian couple a year ahead of us that had an 18 year-old gay boy friend that they basically used like a sex toy. They did it all in every position, including PIV, oral, and ass play. NSA-friends-with-benefits fun for them, and he was thrilled as hell just to be having regular sex for the first time. He dated boys in our class, while also having FMF three-ways with the gals.

Children, life is complicated.

My personal truth is that degrees of straightness and gayness are about whom you feel romantically fulfilled with together, rather than whom you just have the seXXXy fun times with. I also hope that in the near future, we're able to remove the stigma of fear and labels, and people are free to explore what's most enjoyable for them and their friends/mates.

Ricardo @ 21 My questions were in response to the claim by sfhlly @ 11 that he was off the Kinsey scale which goes from zero to six and is kind of an absurd claim (To reference Kinsey and say that bisexuality is crap) That would seem to imply that he was in the realm of active of hostility towards women. I used repugnant, for want of a better word at the time, trying to conceptualize what it would mean to be off the scale. Are you questioning my use of Ru Paul as a convenient example of someone who, to the best of my admittedly flawed knowledge, would rate himself as a 6 to define one end of spectrum. I would have used Elton John as an example, but he was married to a woman from 1984 to 1988. Kinsey postulated three things, that human sexual orientation was a spectrum [everyone had some degree of attraction (appreciation) to/of the opposite sex (not necessarily just in terms of sexual desire) and were therefore bisexual to one degree or another] and that sexual orientation was fluid over time (Elton John would be an example of that). So yes, it is my belief, based on Kinsey and his successors, that everyone is, in fact, bisexual. I am not imposing anything on anybody. If you have any argument (bone of contention) with that direct it to the researchers of human sexuality. I suppose it all depends on how you define the term bisexuality. I did say that relatively few people are actively bisexual (something I will freely admit that I may be wrong) about

wrong about) Please excuse the run on sentences. Human sexuality is far too complex with too many variables to adequately discuss in the limited space available here. I am not so arrogant as to claim any real expertise in the study of human sexuality. I do try to be accurate in my statements (always with the caveat that I may be wrong or misinformed). Since the accuracy of my belief was questioned, I felt it necessary to explain why I believed what I believed. I did go back to the current body of knowledge (studies on human sexuality and the history of it) to refresh my understanding of the subject. It has come a long from the dark ages (pre 1948)

Skeptic @ 28 "My questions were in response to the claim by sfhlly @ 11 that he was off the Kinsey scale which goes from zero to six and is kind of an absurd claim"

It was hyperbole, not absurdity. What is absurd is telling people everyone is X when there's plenty of people telling you that no, they're not X.

I also find it funny that you should use examples such as RuPaul (who, from what I know, doesn't talk much about his actual sex life) or Elton John (who admitted being bisexual in the 70s - '76, I believe). Do you not know of any actual famous gay people who like to talk about their sex life? And, more importantly, why do you even feel the need to refer to famous non-straight people? What does it bring to the debate?

But more crucially, there's this: "Kinsey postulated three things, that human sexual orientation was a spectrum [everyone had some degree of attraction (appreciation) to/of the opposite sex (not necessarily just in terms of sexual desire) and were therefore bisexual to one degree or another".

If the attraction is not necessarily in terms of sexual desire, how does that make us all biSEXUAL? Answer: it doesn't.

I don't think he has a MAGA hat, but if he does, based on what information we've been given, I have a theory about where he keeps it.

So there was one piece of information that the LW picked up that I keyed in on, and that was that her bf is "very aggressive." An awful lot of gay porn has some really aggressive/borderline rapey sex in it.

Now I'm aware that there is straight porn like that too. It's possible that LW's bf could feel a bit squickish about women being dominated/abused like that, but is OK if the action is male on male. In other words, it may not be the actual participants turning him on but rather the nature of the sex. In which case, the bf could be absolutely straight except in the sense that he'd probably be into situational homosexuality (i.e. prison, military, boarding school, anywhere where there are a lot of guys and few if any women).

On my phone the last line before the jump is dan asking does he eat her pussy. Hard to read any further. HaHa.
What does this LW mean he's aggressive? Is that some code for straight. As if gay men aren't aggressive. And why is she with an aggressive man who wears a g string? Deadly combo as I see it.

Ricardo @ 30 I did not bring Kinsey into the discussion. I could have used Freddie Mercury instead, but that would've been in poor taste His death is such a sad tragedy and great loss. Or Liberace (now that really dates me) I probably used Ru Paul because I am a fan of Ru Paul Drag Race. As to him discussing his sexuality. https://www.out.com/entertainment/popnog…. At one point Elton John believed everyone was bisexual. I have no clue if he still believes that. Personally I do not define people by their sexual orientation. Frankly it is none of my business. I consider Ian Mckellan to be a great actor that he is gay is irrelevant. There really is no point to further discussion. I can't convince you (I'm not even trying). I will point out that Kinsey did not allow for the existence of asexual people, who put a real wrinkle in the concept of the duality of sexual orientation. I am definitely not going anywhere near any of the other sexual orientations.

@27/Original Andrew: I think you’re confusing how people define themselves and the behaviors in which they actually engage. And any college graduate knows a few college “lesbians” who were only in heterosexual relationships after earning their degree. Something tells me that one or both members of the lesbian couple you knew acted similarly. In any event, pointing to bisexuals to prove that everyone is bisexual isn’t persuasive.

As for Kinsey, his scale, by definition presupposes that certain people are interested in opposite sex partners (0) or same sex partners (6), and the fact that he also saw sexuality existing on a continuum isn’t in conflict with that understanding.

Lastly, in trying to prove everyone is bisexual, it’s really easy to set some criteria that a fortiori leads to that conclusion. But if that definition is disconnected from how people actually engage sexually it doesn’t have any practical meaning. And like a number of the other 0s and 6s who have already commented, I don’t feel at all bisexual.

Sublime @2: "a guy who finds out his girlfriend enjoys sex with women thinks he’s got an awesome girlfriend."

"A guy," not "every guy." I seemed to always find the 100% monogamous and/or insecure, "you'll leave me for a woman" guys. It's true, women are less likely to think they've won the jackpot with a bi opposite-sex partner, but as has been mentioned many times, this stereotype of straight guys wanting a bi girlfriend to fulfill their two-girl fantasy is just that.

I never experienced anyone thinking I was "more feminine" due to liking women.

Original @6: As a cis female who loves pegging, what I get out of it is mainly a chance to turn the tables on traditional gender roles in sex, to be the active fucker rather than the passive fuckee. I enjoy the sense of power. I enjoy breaking the taboo. (In that sense, I suppose the answer is similar to "what do people get out of incest porn.") I enjoy hearing their moans, feeling their resistance and then opening up. I enjoy feeling like a stud. I enjoy the queerness of it, playing the role of "straight man" or "gay top," whichever fantasy fits. It's a way for me to have sex that feels queer even though my partner is the opposite sex.

Skeptic @8: I disagree that a synonym for 100% straight people (of which I believe there are far more than you think is "homophobic." In fact, I think that's more a synonym for "at least somewhat gay but terrified to admit it."

Helenka @18: I think there's a high probability the boyfriend is bi, not because of the butt play, but because of the guy-on-guy porn. As Dan says, that's not a guarantee he's not straight, but it considerably lowers the odds. (You yourself noted that there is anal-play porn involving women, but that's not what he's watching. Hmm.)

Corydon @32: A good point. Boyfriend might just be really feminist, and not want to see women being "degraded" in porn. He might have fewer objections to male porn actors who he might assume to be more actively consenting.

Skeptic @34: Freddie Mercury was openly bisexual. Elton John, who is bisexual, may have believed everyone was bisexual because that's what a lot of us think when we first realise this about ourselves. It seems illogical that anyone wouldn't experience attraction to at least some men and at least some women. Illogical, perhaps, but true. There are 100% straight and 100% gay people in the world. I have met many of them.

Sublime @35: I agree that the people in Andrew's story were most probably bisexuals who were rounding themselves up to a more "queer" identity.

Hmm, looks like I interpreted Original Cinner's question @6 in the context of the current letter, which was about a man who likes his ass played with. Most commenters interpreted it a different way.

BDF @ 36 I was trying to set the most extreme polar opposites as the parameters for the sexual spectrum. I thought homophobic was better than using absolute hatred (you are going to hell / your very existence is an abomination / anathema / an affront to DOG) Perhaps I should have used absolutely, extremely, excessive or viscerally homophobic. I know that those people do exist. What I don't know is if there is or if there even could be anything comparable on the other end of the spectrum (I know that there are men who absolutely hate all women and there are women who absolutely hate all men, but that that has nothing to with the sexual orientation of the people they hate) And yes, I know there are many 100% straight people who actively support LGBT people. I wrote @ 34 after 1 AM November 5 .and I was hard pressed to come people who gave at least the appearance (to me) flamboyantly100% gay. I did not know that Freddie Mercury was bisexual. I did know somewhat that he died of AIDS, that he was reported to be promiscuous, that he was troubled by his sexuality. He certainly was flamboyant enough (someone who projected a larger than life persona) The first and for me most lasting image that suggested he was possibly gay was a music video in which he was dressed in a French maid's costume. I can't even tell you what the song was.

That I was so hard pressed to come up with examples supports my statements. Personally I do not define people by their sexual orientation. Frankly it is none of my business. People are people period and are to be judged (bad choice of word), if they are to judged at all, is on their individual merits and faults.

@36/BiDanFan: I think you’re in England, but perhaps you should consider a change in localities. I think you would find men in New York would find you very appealing.

My everyone is bisexual belief is based on my understanding, flawed though it may be, of the methodologies (starting with Kinsey, who I did not bring into the discussion) for determining human sexual orientation. The whole concept of the duality human sexual orientation is flawed because while the straight/gay divide are the most common sexual orientations (I will use asexuality as an example of one of the additional human sexual orientations and I am absolutely not going into any of the other orientations) they are not the only ones. As I understand it, wrongly perhaps, is that the most sophisticated methodologies hold that you are absolutely 100% one or the other only if you have never ever felt admiration for a member of the other sex. A state of existence that I believe is not humanly possible. There are no absolutes in human behavior.

@41/a skeptic and a cynic: What does “admiration” mean? The ability to recognize that someone has the physical attributes that are deemed desirable? As I said above, such a definition is wholly meaningless if disassociated from any sexual interest, as it pre-defines everyone as bisexual. And as someone else pointed out, that definition is equally valid to equating admiration for any physical object, yet we’re not going to suggest most people are sexually interested in furniture or automobiles or buildings.

Sorrow about the length of my response, but I respect you enough to more thoroughly explain the thoughts/concepts behind my statements. Then again being a believer in the scientific method and not an arrogant prick, I have to accept that everything I believe and everything I wrote is wrong.

Sorry about the sorrow. BTW I can state from personal experience that the LW has probably absolutely nothing to worry about, but then again I'm not her bf. Statistically speaking, I suspect he is more likely to cheat on her than become actively bisexual.

Golly.

I'm sorry if this offends, but tumblr and the people on it are destroying the English language.

So much equivocating and back-tracking and taking into account every possible permutation of gender and sexuality has a hugely deleterious impact on writing.

Fuck the snowflakes. Accommodating them to such a degree has made the left such a bunch of terrified pansies that they pave the way for Trump and his ilk. Surrendering the ability to be pithy and clear is to cede too much rhetorical power to the right wing.

Limiting the right to pithiness and clarity and being able to tell people to go fuck themselves if they don't like hamstrings the left, and the worst of the left are doing it to us.

Really, anyone who reads this interchange who is on the fence politically will be driven into the arms of Trump. Who in the world would want to be part of a group with Dan, who must SO strenuously strive to NEVER offend that it renders his writing into a parody of a terrified pansy who is clutching pearls, weeping, and shitting himself all at once in abject terror.

Fuck the snowflakes.

Whut?

Lots of straight men (too many) will not eat pussy or do and are visibly grossed out by it. Does that mean they’re gay? No, just badly sex educated selfish assholes.

@45 "Limiting the right to pithiness and clarity and being able to tell people to go fuck themselves if they don't like hamstrings the left"

Nah I'm good, see: go fuck yourself.

If telling it like it is for some people hurts your snowflake feelings, suck it up like a grown-up or go elsewhere.

Skeptic @38: I think you are talking about two different spectrums. It is possible to be 100% straight and not at all homophobic. Orientation and tolerance are two different things, as you recognise. Conflating them is dangerous, I believe, as some men (masculinity is so fragile) may feel compelled to engage in anti-gay slurs to prove their heterosexuality. Mr Mercury was promiscuous with all genders, and the video you're thinking of is "I Want To Break Free." All the band members were in drag in that video.

Sublime @40: Men in England find me very appealing, and they have nicer accents and no guns. Name me a place where women might find me appealing?

Skeptic @41: "Admiration" is not what is measured by the Kinsey scale. "Sexual attraction" is. As Ricardo @26 describes, it's possible for a 100% gay man to objectively appreciate the beauty of a woman, but that is not sexual attraction. (I distrust men who claim to be so straight they can't objectively judge whether Brad Pitt is a handsome guy. Everyone can see that, duh.) The clue is in the names: homoSEXual, heteroSEXual, biSEXual. Who do you want to have SEX with.

Ladyaspen @47: Right on :)

@47 @LadyAspen: to be fair, the statement was that (in most cases), "gay => won't eat pussy," it wasn't "won't eat pussy => gay." The two are not logically equivalent.

@45: Golly, you sure are an insecure piece of shit.

Kindly clutch your own tiny, shriveled pearls on some other 420TrumpersandDawkins blog or 4chan or wherever the human garbage resides these days.

I think Dan and all the commenters missed it. This letter reads almost like it could be about me. I am a crossdresser and (mostly) straight. The thong, the ass play, are just like me, although gay porn is really not my thing, but that is a nuance. I think cross dressing is a healthy dose of admiring women to the point that you desire to emulate it to a degree. I personally enjoy it, but do not have actual desire to transition, just sexual play.
I consider myself heterosexual, although I have had M-CD-F while dressed, and a very rare M-CD encounter. But never a MM encounter, I have no desire for that, therefore I do not consider myself gay.

Since this is an advice column, I would say to the LW, that she talk to her guy about blurring the lines between gender roles, and see if he would like to pursue the crossdressing aspect of this, maybe buy some more lingerie, nylons, slips, nightgowns, things like that. They are all very sensual fabric and generally forbidden by society for men to wear. Depending on how deep into the rabbit hole he wants to go, that can be expanded into heels, wigs and makeup. He doesn't have t look the part, and maybe even look a little ridiculous, but the important thing is he can FEEL the part, and that I believe will be very powerful for him. It's is all about the fantasy and touching the certain place in his brain. Get the 'costume on', tell him how sexy he looks and how desirable he is, and use the toy on him, and I think the results will be evident.

As far as bringing in another male that is for you as a couple to decide. That may or may not come in time, and that is fine either way, it's about what you two want, and will only bring the two of you closer together. The men that my girl and I have included knew they were there for our pleasure and fantasy, and in the process they had their fantasies fulfilled too. Just figure out what your boundaries are, let them be known, and enforce them. It was extremely hot, and no one came away feeling slighted.

BDF @ 49 I was referring to more sophisticated methodologies for determination/measurement of sexual orientation than Kinsey, which has not been considered the gold standard for decades. I thought I had made that clear. I gave the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid and Storms sexual orientation axis as two examples. All three are limited in that they based of subjective self assessment. A more objective objective methodology would involve monitoring brain activity in response to visual stimulus. Pheromones are probably too individual specific to be useful in determining general sexual orientation.

What you think/believe yourself to be is not necessarily the same as what you actually are.

All three are limited in that they are based on subjective self assessment.

Perception of reality is not the same as objective reality. So much for my descent into pyscho babble.

Regarding Queen: You are right that all of the members were in costume (I had to go back and view the video). However, it was the [for me jarring, I don't know why it was jarring (in the sense of doing a double take to seeing something unusual for the Very First Time) seeing the videos for Boy George's Karma Chameleon or Madonna's Like A Prayer or Apple's 1984 Superbowl ad] juxtaposition of FM's maid outfit with his mustache that made a lasting impression or just his dynamism (stage presence).

SA @ 42 Admiration was a poor choice of word. Positive response to external stimuli would probably have been better. Human sexual orientation is far more complex than the hetro/homo duality would suggest. Sexual arousal to inanimate objects (anything other than a living human being). To be 100% anything would exclude sexual arousal by anything else.