Looks like a regular envelope, doesnt it? Your eyes deceive you.
Looks like a regular envelope, doesn't it? Your eyes deceive you. CF

No disrespect to this letter writer or this letter writer (wait, yes, a little disrespect to the first one), we just got a letter by mail that will surely be the best letter we receive all year. (Although maybe you can top it, who knows.)

Have a look inside this envelope.

Wait, WHAT?!
Wait, WHAT?!

...on earth?
...on earth?

Do you think I should become a hand model?
Do you think I could be a hand model?

Too veiny to be a hand model.
Clearly not. Too veiny to be a hand model.

Look!

Well done, Jing, whoever you are. Well done.
Well done, Jing, whoever you are. Well done.

Allow me to transcribe it for your eyeballs' ease.

4 Nov 2017

Dear good people of The Stranger,

I haven't read a paper copy of your publication in years. I mainline Slog through RSS + Pocket, listen to Blabbermouth, and check Twitter when Sydney et. al. are reporting live. I can't be the only one to neglect the dead tree version, so I'm glad to see you try something new. Keep up the innovations! So far you've avoided both the undead fate of the PI and the oblivion of nonexistence that Seattle Weekly seems destined for, but don't be complacent. I'm rooting for you crazy kids.

—Jing

P.S. RSS + Pocket can't be profitable for you all, so please accept the enclosed donation to your happy hour fund as partial recompense. And normally Rich is wrong, but if you let Dan use the money to buy candy corn at post Halloween discount no less, I swear I will burn you commies to the ground.

1. Whaaaaaaaat. Happy hour moneys? Thanks, Jing!

2. Nothing like the threat of immolation to start the day.

3. For the uninitiated: Here is Rich's position on candy corn, and Savage's position on candy corn.

4. After Candy Corn Gate, Savage already bought a vast quantity of unnecessary candy corn for the office, Jing, some of which Rich was forced to eat, the rest of which I elected to eat of my own free will. Here is a photo of Rich about to eat the corn in question:

The enthusiasm.
The enthusiasm.

4b. Would you like the video? Here is the video.


5. Agreed, Sydney's twitter is a must-follow. As is Heidi's, Steven's, Sean's, Amber's, Charles's, Katie's, Rich's, Dave's, Chase's, Leilani's, Savage's, and mine. You already follow The Stranger's twitter, right? To your point about RSS + Pocket: You know what also doesn't help out The Stranger? Reading our writers exclusively on Twitter. Not one bit. But Twitter dot com surely thanks you.

Support The Stranger

6. If you would like to send us a letter, the postal service would surely love your business, and our office manager Evanne would like it too. She is becoming a handwritten-correspondence connoisseur.

The Stranger
1535 11th Ave, Third Floor
Seattle, WA 98122

7. Does anyone have any more candy corn? How much candy corn does $40 buy? Just kidding, Jing!*

* We promise to spend it on drinking.