Savage Love Letter of the Day: Boyfriend Denies Diaper Fetish Despite Hoarding Dirty Diapers

Comments

1
There is one other bit glossed over in this response. DIRTY's boyfriend also lied about is diaper fetish, when he actually had a very good opportunity to broach his interest in diapers. Not knowing how to open up a discussion of an unusual fetish is understandable, but DIRTY's boyfriend appeared to be handed the perfect opportunity to at the very least acknowledge having engaged in diaper play with his ex-boyfriend. With that acknowledgment he could have unspooled the extent of his interests depending on DIRTY's reaction. Having failed to do that is an issue that DIRTY and his boyfriend will also have to address.

On the other hand DIRTY, I would note that when Dan writes about "cheating," with someone else while engaging in diaper play, that cheating does not necessarily include vanilla sex acts. So even if we assume your boyfriend is cheating, that diaper play may not come paired with masturbation, oral sex, or anal sex. The chilling in diapers with someone else into that fetish may be the main event.
2
Running out of ink is never okay, except when you find dirty diapers, then it is retroactively okay.
3
@2 +1
4
"Hoarding dirty diapers" seems a bit dramatic. Another view on this might be that he took the diapers off someplace he couldn't dispose of them easily (at his place of employment?), stuck them in his backpack to throw them away when he got home and forgot. Not really clear to me how cheating is implicated.
5
>> the ex mentioned something about my boyfriend "making him dress up in diapers." My boyfriend denied that claim, saying something along the lines of "that's not true." >>

It's not clear if they talked it all out then ("why did your ex say that if it's not true?" "Oh, he's always doing inappropriate things, let me show you some other doozies."), but if the LW dropped it, then saying "that's not true" may have referred to the idea of forcing the ex to wear diapers. Maybe that was a sore spot in the past relationship, that Ex wanted to be "forced" to wear the diapers, while BF felt he was indulging Ex, not forcing him.

It does seem like it's time to admit to the snooping and ask for a conversation about diapers and what other kinks BF may have not mentioned to this point.

I will warn against assuming that people who travel for work are therefore lying cheaters. They may be just working very hard. If accused constantly of being cheaters, they sometimes become cheaters -- "if DIRTY thinks that of me anyway, I might as well start cheating."

Also, this part struck me:
>> I searched the apartment for a pen but I was unable to find one. The last place I checked was my boyfriend's backpack which he uses for travel. >>

That was the last place? Did you find a pen in that backpack along with the diapers & lube? Did you give up on the idea of making the outline? Don't you think you still need to study for your upcoming chem exam? Try not to create relationship drama as a way to procrastinate from studying for your exam! It's not good for your schoolwork or your relationship!
6
@ EricaP
> Try not to create relationship drama as a way to procrastinate from studying
> for your exam! It's not good for your schoolwork or your relationship!
alol

You've tried Facebook, you've tried Netflix! But when regular procrastination just doesn't do the trick, you need: Constructed Relationship Drama! (Now with diapers.)
7
I was old-school, prior to all my Chem exams, the dishes were washed and the apartment vacuumed.
8
Good god, how does the entire apartment not smell like 'browned diapers'? I mean, I know that they're meant to keep down the stench and plastic bags and yadda yadda, but if you've got soiled diapers just hanging around I would think you'd be able to sniff them out pretty quickly. Yikes.
9
@8
They probably had urine that had turned brown, not the stuff that starts off brown. Unless DIRTY open them to check. Generally #1, as a liquid, is absorbed while #2 stays on the inside of the padding and may not show on the outside at all. That is why parents have to be a little more thorough checking for #2. Though anyone who has emptied a diaper pail can tell you they both stink pretty quick.
10
“he was reading an email he got from his ex-boyfriend out loud to me and the ex mentioned something about my boyfriend "making him dress up in diapers." My boyfriend denied that claim, saying something along the lines of "that's not true."

Methinks the baby doth protest too much.

@9: Does it really matter? Keeping around one’s own months-soiled diapers is less fetish than hoarder.
11
Uh.. There is no way this didn't smell awful.
12
They could have been old-style cloth diapers, previously used, soiled, and then washed in the normal fashion that you do with a soiled cloth diaper (dump the solid bits down the toilet, rinse off anything else in the sink, and put the rest in the washer). The stain does not always come out, especially if you don't use bleach and/or harsh detergents, which aren't a good idea for a fabric that is used so intimately.
13
Sigh, I am a stick in the mud, and can't understand how stinking body wastes can be a turn on, especially considering the E Coli and other disease vectors within. But, à chacun son goût. LW, as a serious student, you need to own more than one writing instrument! Go buy packages of pens and pencils. Focus on your finals (coming up soon, yes?). And talk to your boyfriend when it's done, you'll have more time to reflect on what you need and what you can compromise on, then.
14
@5 'let me show you some other doozies'
Let's not and say we did. ^^
15
Not a single pen left in the whole apartment? Hate to be the one to tell you, but your boy's stuffing all your pens up his ass.
16
Why would you assume he's cheating versus getting his diaper on in a hotel room and jacking off?

This letter is... I dunno. You figure he's keeping a dirty secret of something he deliberately read out loud to you? And the odd lack of odor. And the ludicrous pen lie.
17
Where is the line between a "sexual fetish" and just fucking gross??
And for the love of dog, please don't confuse shitty diapers in a backpak with
sex!!!!! That ain't about sex, like, how could that be in the mix with stuff that turns a person on???
18
Sanguisuga @8: That struck me too. Who wouldn't have smelled that? I call fake.

Cami @17: That's pretty much the definition of a sexual fetish: something that turns you on which other people find fucking gross.
19
The LW might broach the subject by saying that to her, there is nothing shameful or embarrassing about diaper play. She need not, and perhaps should not, move on from that at once to, 'is there anything you have to tell me?'.

She doesn't know whether he's been cheating on her; and might not even be clear in her mind what constitutes cheating. At the moment, the chances of her having an exclusive relationship with her lover that incorporates what he does with the nappies are extremely slim. What does she want? It would be a mistake to move into accusatory or inquisitorial mode without her knowing.