DAN.jpg

I have a bit of an issue on my hands. Please give me your advice. When we were on vacation, I had my boyfriend take some racy photos of me in lingerie. They are not pornographic, but they are provocative. Me in fancy lingerie posing on the bed and all that. Well, his teenage son (age 15) needed to use Dad's computer. He started acting weird around me right after that — didn't want to chat or hang out, and didn't want to be alone with me. I noticed something was wrong right away. He's usually very affectionate and we have a good relationship. Then I used the computer — and what is there but a desktop file labeled "Janet's Sexy Vacation Pics"! A hundred pics of me in lingerie! He had to have clicked on it! And how could I blame him? It was clickbait!

So now we have this awkward thing. He saw me in a sexualized manner, and he also know his Dad took the photos, which is also awkward. No teenager wants to think of their parent's sex life. Do I just pretend this never happened, and wait (and hope) that it blows over? Or do I mention it to the boy and say something like, "Hey, I think you may have seen vacation photos of me in my bikini and stuff. I'm really sorry. Those photos were supposed to be private." What do I DOOO, Dan?

Child Looked Into Carelessly Kept Erotic Decisions

If you have to tell your boyfriend's son anything, CLICKED, you should tell him what I told a recent letter-writer: Stay the fuck off your dad's computer/tablet/phone. But since he's a still a teenager and you're the girlfriend, CLICKED, you can put it a little more nicely (or, better yet, his father can): "Hey, kiddo, probably better if you don't use my/your father's computer in the future, huh? And if you do use it, don't open files you obviously shouldn't." (I'm operating under the reasonable assumption that he did open that file.)

He needed to learn this lesson at some point — we have our own computers/devices/tablets for good reason. And while it's a shame your sexy vacation pics had to be the catalyst for this teachable moment, CLICKED, you have nothing to be ashamed of. As your boyfriend's kid is finding out: Snoop and you'll find things out about your parents you'd rather not know and/or you'll wind up seeing things you can't un-see. It'll be good for him to learn this lesson at his age, CLICKED, because — as many letter-writers have proven over the years — there are plenty of grown-ass adults out there don't understand that it's not the brightest idea to go spelunking through dad or mom's data. People in their twenties, thirties, and forties — folks old enough to know better — start reading emails or opening files on on mom or dad's computer and ten minutes later they're writing me in white hot a panic because dad is cheating/mom is cheating/mom and dad are swingers/mom does phone sex/dad and dad are not monogamous/mom and mom have the occasional threeway with a dude, etc., etc., etc., and what are they supposed to do now?!?

And the answer is: Nothing. Do nothing. Mind your own business.

Your boyfriend's son is at an age where he's going to want to carve out a large space that's private for himself. He's going to want to get online and look at porn and close his bedroom door and have a wank or six or seven. We all deserve privacy, CLICKED, regardless of whether we're talking about "sexy vacation pics" in a folder that's "clickbait" or on a password-protected laptop locked away in your dad's desk/closet/man cave. Don't tell your boyfriend's son you're sorry. Tell your boyfriend's son you expect him to show the same respect for your privacy that you've always shown for his.

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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