Just announced! Jon Bellion at WaMu Theater on 7/16/19. Tix on sale this Friday!

In an interview with CNN's Jake Tapper, Roy Moore's spokesperson, Ted Crockett, lied about Moore's signature in Beverly Young Nelson's yearbook, dissembled on the question of whether Moore lied about knowing his accusers, said "homosexual conduct" should "probably" be illegal, and, in a bellow typically reserved for the sidelines of junior football games, eventually started to dismiss every question Tapper asked as an attempted smear campaign against his boss.

Nine minutes into this 10-minute fit of public insanity, Crockett said Moore believed Muslims couldn't "ethically serve" in Congress—despite the separation of church and state enshrined in a constitutional amendment even Moore admits he'd keep—"because you have to swear on the Bible." Dutifully, Tapper reminded Crockett that officials can choose to swear in on whichever book they choose, or simply choose no book at all. (John Quincy Adams took his oath on a book of law.) After learning this bit of information, Crockett was stunned into eight seconds of exquisite silence.

This person is horrible. The person he speaks for is horrible. Alabama's Secretary of State, whose administration has presided over a massive effort to suppress the vote of Black and Latino voters, is horrible. The results of the election in Alabama are bound to be horrible. There's no question about any of that.

But I do have one question for you: