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Solutions all around! triloks/getty

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There seems to be a lot of confusion about where to draw the lines in all this troubling "sex-reckoning" we're having these days. Despite the fact that the law decided sexual harassment at work was a form of sex discrimination 53 years ago, it seems that men feel that their advances toward employees or subordinates could be construed as innocent flirting under the right circumstances. How to possibly tell?

I've been asked where to draw the line, and I've also been told that drawing any line is dangerous. I've been told this is about hurt feelings. That it's subjective. (Objectively, federal civil rights law defines harassment as "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature ... when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment," but ok.) I've been told that pointing out sexual harassment as sexual harassment would become a swift, extrajudicial conviction of any man who stands accused.

It took me some time to sleep on it, but I think I've found the solution. If men still think they're entitled to treat women who work for them or under them as sexual targets, despite the fact that these women did not sign up for that and expect to be treated equally to men (and despite the fact that men in the workplace don't have the same expectations leveled at them), we should be paid for the extra labor.

To future bosses: If you sexually harass me, I will invoice you.

Because women apparently don't have the choice about whether to be sexually harassed or not at work, because reporting that would make us, you know, morally panicked prudes, my time spent dealing with sexual harassment can be found on a bill. On this itemized invoice, my future bosses will be able to see, clearly, which actions they perceive as flirting that I perceive as dealing with extra, stupid work in addition to my regular job.

Here are my rates:

Asking me to define sexual harassment when you could easily look it up on the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's website: $20

Asking me if you've ever sexually harassed me: $30

Putting your hand on my leg: $5,000

Grabbing my ass: $15,000

Kissing me: $20,000

Commenting publicly about said ass: $25,000

Creating a hostile work environment because of everything above: Lifetime healthcare benefits, $4 million for every woman employee

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The list goes on, but those are some examples.

Hey, this way men don't have to be held responsible for their actions outside of paying me! But, that said, I will expect backpay for all the years of being sexually harassed when I wasn't paid for it. And maybe the company will wonder why we have to pay all of these sex work invoices when the problem could just be solved by not sexually harassing employees.

Carry on!