Local alleged domestic abuser apparently not a great guy: And shockingly, also has a thing for guns. The Seattle Times reports that after allegedly abusing his girlfriend, the suspect threatened to shoot himself and âblow up the whole neighborhood.â Seattle Police recovered âmultipleâ guns. Thereâs at least 15 pictured in SPDâs pictures of the recovered contraband.
Multiple guns recovered following domestic violence arrest. https://t.co/CauxC6RdY1 pic.twitter.com/GtDALo6gA3
â Seattle Police Dept. (@SeattlePD) January 2, 2018
Speaking of people who shouldnât have access to deadly weapons: Donald Trump continued his pissing contest (no, not that pissing contest) with Kim Jong Un. Ever the size queen, Trump reminded the North Korean dictator about just how robust â and possibly girthy â this country's nuclear program is. Whether 2018 will end in hellfire and nuclear fallout remains to be seen but at least Freud would have a field day.
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the âNuclear Button is on his desk at all times.â Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!
â Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018
As if to reassure the public that nuclear war isnât that easy: It seemed every news outlet under the sun was quick to clarify that Trump doesnât really have a ânuclear button.â Itâs called the âfootballâ because what the fuck else would America call it? Life is weird enough, letâs go with it. This âfootballâ is actually a 45-pound briefcase â toss the pigskin, dad! â carried by one of five military aids at all times around the President, a dedicated O-Line (maybe?). According to the New York Times, it contains the instructions for the mother of all Hail Mary passesâyou know, inciting nuclear war with the â900 nuclear weapons that make up the American arsenal.â However, all Trump needs is the code heâs supposed to carry on him at all times to verify his identity which is â a departure from the football lingo â called âthe biscuit.â What really butters my biscuit is how good olâ Bill Clinton lost the code for several months without telling anyone.
(Disclaimer: Also about nuclear war) The authorities have been alerted: And they, meaning our venerable overlord Jack Dorsey and his at-one-point-fun-site-turned-Black-Mirror-episode-realized, arenât doing anything as usual. According to the Hollywood Reporter, obviously the best place to get a hard-hitting story, people en masse â including some Hollywood elites! â mashed the âreport this tweetâ button on Trumpâs incendiary tweet to no avail. Pushing the globe that much closer to nuclear war apparently isnât in violation of the terms of service.
CUT TO: INT. SHARED KOREAN BORDER VILLAGE OF PANMUNJEOM: North and South Korea, both disgruntled, both (begrudgingly?) agree to reopen a communication hotline. The Olympics are coming up in South Korea, and North Korea is angling to send a team. The communication channel is key for these dialogues despite a year of nuclear threats and demonstrations from North Korea which, let me tell you, did not please South Korea or its U.S. allies.
Bannonâs been busy: A new book, âFire and Furyâ â catchyâ seen by the Guardian, tells of Donald Trump Jrâs meeting with a group of Russians in 2016 as âtreasonous and unpatriotic.â The whole Russia-treason-drama and the ensuing Mueller investigation has everything to do with money laundering, Bannon says. The little Breitbart troll says heâs not a witness, wonât be involved, but almost gleefully, utilizing a topical hurricane metaphor, says the administration is âsitting on a beach trying to stop a Category Fiveâ in regards to the investigation.
Bannon has described the Trump Tower meeting as âtreasonousâ and âunpatrioticâ, according to a new book seen by the Guardian.
Bannon says the probe will focus on money laundering, predicts: âTheyâre going to crack Don Junior like an egg on national TV.â https://t.co/w9rQKVhMgh
â Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) January 3, 2018
In the meantime, make sure to arrange your plus ones: To the first annual âTHE MOST DISHONEST & CORRUPT MEDIA AWARDS (sic).â
I will be announcing THE MOST DISHONEST & CORRUPT MEDIA AWARDS OF THE YEAR on Monday at 5:00 oâclock. Subjects will cover Dishonesty & Bad Reporting in various categories from the Fake News Media. Stay tuned!
â Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018
The name is clunky, everyone knows, but what can you do? The media these days, I swear. But, sources say itâs expected to have a Huge turn-out, a real whoâs who of the fake/failing/corrupt/etc news media. In light of this recent tweet storm, it seems neither the media, the general public nor the 1.5 million Puerto Ricans still without power can get any shred of relief from Donald Trump. Why not donate to Puerto Rico and then cast your votes:
Vote for us by donating here: https://t.co/26hTJydsBz https://t.co/HB6XtKuB1n
â The Stranger đ (@TheStranger) January 3, 2018
Maybe the Mormons know something we donât about the fate of the world in 2018: The Church of Latter Day Saintsâ president since 2008, Thomas S. Monson, of the Church of Latter Day Saints died last night at age 90. Depending on how good he was, his soul will either end up in paradise or spirit prison. He increased the number of female missionaries but wouldnât let them get ordained as priests despite demands. Also, he wasnât super cool about same-sex marriage. Juryâs out on Monsonâs soul so weâll leave that one to God. Meanwhile, donât miss the Book of Mormon at the Paramount theater from now through Jan. 4.
Former Seattle Times president also passes: Mason Sizemore, 76, not to be confused with Monson (the Mormon), collapsed at the Fiesta Bowl on Saturday. He died in the hospital on Dec. 31. He was at the helm of the Seattle Times for nearly 40 years and saw the paper through a period of transition that resulted in its continued success.
Hey, arenât we over due for that Cascadia Quake?: Who could forget that New Yorker article about how Seattle is pretty much doomed when the big one hits? Well, keep it close by maybe. Last night there was a cluster of small earthquakes, the Seattle Times reports according to the Pacific Northwest Seismic Network. One 3.9 magnitude quake hit followed by 14 smaller ones. Oh, and it was right near Mt St. Helens. Maybe every Seattleitesâ New Yearâs resolution should be to brush up on earthquake preparedness and to stop texting while driving.
Can Amazon please just enslave us already and get it over with?: Rumors are circulating that Amazon is planning another takeover after it Hungry-Hungry-Hippoâd Whole Foods last year. The next victim to be absorbed into the Bezos empire? Target. According to GeekWire, Gene Munster, a former analyst (confirmed) and the possible soothsayer (unconfirmed) who predicted Appleâs success, now says Target will be acquired by Amazon in 2018. Valued at $36 billion with 1,834 stores, Target would bolster Amazonâs offline retail presence. UW management professor Sureth Kotha isnât sold on the idea, not convinced that Amazon would âjump from acquisition to acquistion,â Kotah said in reference to the Whole Foods deal. But who knows, if anyone has the balls to takeover another retail giant, itâs Bezos.