I'm a mostly hetero female who hooks up on Tinder, a lot. A vast majority of these hookups lead to fun, satisfying, amazing sex. That said, I have a set of criteria to decline some candidates. Recently, one exchange left me questioning those criteria, so I seek your sage advice.

I matched with a really sexy guy, we started talking and I quickly made my intentions clear. His bio mentioned bdsm (which I'm not into) but I figured he might not be against hookups with vanilla women. When he asked if I was into D/s, I was honest and said no, to which he replied I was just like every other vanilla girl out there. I was like, ok, no biggie, bye. He did a 180 and said we didn't have to do bdsm and could still just hook up. I declined politely. He then proceeded to send an unsolicited dick pic (I guess to show me what I was missing?) Not gonna lie, it was an impressive looking dick! However, I've fucked some anacondas before, so that alone is not enough to sway me. Plus, those criteria I mentioned earlier include unsolicited dick pics being a hard no. The set of personality traits and beliefs that I think lead one to force an image of his dick onto another person is just an instant turn off to me. But... it really was a gorgeous, huge dick, and imagining sliding onto it greatly excites me.

So I guess my question is this: Is my hard and fast rule too restrictive and has it led me to miss out on some prime dick? Or should I keep trusting my instincts and not go hook up with someone who likes to surprise women with pics of his junk, especially if this someone also likes tying women up?

Dame Initially Considering Kinkster, Penile Image Conundrum

Rules are made to be broken, DICKPIC.

P.S. It's always a good idea to trust your instincts — but there are times when you have to interrogate your instincts, as the kids might say. But don't meet up with this guy for an exciting sliding-onto-his-gorgeous-huge-dick sesh, DICKPIC, instead meet up for coffee at a time when you can't hookup immediately after. Tell him you liked the pic, which surprised you, because an unsolicited dick pic usually elicits a hard no from you. So here you are, breaking your own rule and meeting up with him, despite the dick pic and because of it. Go ahead and ask him how often he sends unsolicited dick pics and what he was thinking when he sent that unsolicited dick pic to you. (And perhaps direct him to this week's Savage Lovecast, where I discuss the art of the solicited dick pic with Nicole Mazzeo, author of The Art of the Solicited Dick Pic). Was he trying to tempt you by leading with an anatomical strength? Or was he angrily flipping you off with this cock when you declined to hookup with him? If he provides you with a decent explanation, DICKPIC, and you're tempted slide onto his dick when your schedules allow... tell him no bondage and, if he's a regular player on the BDSM scene, ask for a reference or two. Getting a thumbs up from a woman he's played with/tied up in the past doesn't mean you have to let him tie you up, of course, but it will set your mind at ease.

UPDATE: A second opinion — and, perhaps, a better one — from BlondeGirl in the comments thread...

Dan, you've never dated men as a woman so might not be cognisant of all the red flags in this letter. I found four.

First, he denigrated her for being "like every vanilla girl" 1) as if there's something wrong with being vanilla; 2) he thought he needed to let her know of his contempt for vanilla. Then he pushed past her clear "no" and sent a dick pic. That shows 3) lack of respect for boundaries; 4) arrogance that his dick is oh so special and would be enough to convince her to ignore the boundary violations.

This guy's interactions remind me of that old saying, "He's not a Dom; he's just an asshole".

Sure, she can meet him for coffee and interrogate him, but dudes tend to LIE and this dude is an asshole. Is she confident she can tell sincerity from fake sincerity? Is she confident that once alone, he won't revert to Dom (asshole) and push past her boundaries and instigate BDSM? I don't think so.

I've slutted around a lot, and became quite the expert at reading guys, and I also finally came to the conclusion that getting the chance at a yummy-looking guy isn't worth the trouble and annoyance and possible danger when there are so many other equally yummy guys who aren't assholes.

My advice? Block.