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I'm a 47-year-old single mom who gave birth to a son, leaving me with a vagina that was no longer the same size as it was before. After the birth, I could hardly feel my (then) husband's average size cock when we had sex. Orgasm was still achievable and I wrote it off as something you had to accept as a parent. I left my husband for another man, with whom I'm terribly in love. We have fantastic sex, based on mutual love, attraction and an equal approach to exploring/boundaries. Best of all, he has the most glorious cock. We make all the cliched remarks about fitting just right, filling you up, perfect match, etc., a reality. So here's the rub. As much as I love this guy, I can't see spending the rest of my life with him. Our attempt at living together failed and he has taken a job in a city several hours away. I feel the writing is on the wall for me to move forward to find someone else, yet the thought of having sex with guys with smaller cocks, makes me sad. I try to rationalize in my head that sex isn't just about size. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Do you have any suggestions on how to get past this? I feel shallow, yet it's clearly holding me back.

Seeking The Perfect Fit

Yesterday a tiny-but-significant sliver of Twitter was debating whether or not a preference for large penises was a form of ableism... and your letter arrives this morning. Coincidence? I think not. (I would link to the a-preference-for-big-dicks-is-bigotry tweet but it's been deleted. And while that debate raged, the rest of Twitter was watching this video in horrified silence.)

Anyway, STPT...

You love this guy and his cock, right? You mentioned mutual love, mutual attraction, and "an equal approach to exploring/boundaries." Sounds pretty awesome. And in my personal experience, STPT, that kind of awesomeness is rarely a genital thing exclusively; presumably the mutual love and attraction you felt wasn't merely physical — it wasn't just that "filled up" feeling and all those spectacular orgasms — but an intellectual, emotional, and romantic connection as well. So living together didn't work out — you two didn't do well under the same roof — but who says you have to live together? My eldest brother has been with his girlfriend for decades but they've never lived together. He has his place, she has hers — it works for them, STPT, it could work for you.

But if what learned when you lived together was that you shouldn't be together at all — well, then you're free to dump the guy and start looking for a new partner with a cock that's just as big or bigger than his. You're allowed to have a preference in this area (and, no, I don't think it's ableist), but as with all such preferences... don't be a huge dick about expressing it. Many men are insecure about the size of their cocks — BREAKING! EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT SAVAGE LOVE! — and if a guy doesn't have what you're looking for physically, let him down gently. Grab one of those white lies from the box marked "break ups," e.g., "It's not you, it's me," "I'm not in a place right now where I can be in a relationship," "I've decided to run for Senate in 2018 and I need to focus my energies there." Look at this way: if some guy with physical preferences of his own dumped you by saying your tits were too small (or your vagina was too capacious), STPT, you'd think, "What an asshole!", and you'd be right. Don't be an asshole yourself.

But before you go big cock hunting, STPT, I think you should explore the possibility of a long-distance relationship with Mr. Fill You Up. And if that works out... don't feel obligated to move back in with each other if circumstances/transfers/gigs should put you in the same city again.


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