Today's the day of the closed-door, Seattle-Amazon summit.
Today's the day of the closed-door, Seattle-Amazon summit. DAVID RYDER/GETTY IMAGES

Oh god, they hacked our weed: So, not only is the new weed-traceability system glitchy as hell and holding our weed hostage with technical difficulties but apparently it’s vulnerable, too. Someone hacked into the system. No one knows what the hackers (presuming there were multiple but, again, no one knows) were after. But, if they can read the data they can probably write code to it and, ostensibly, they could disrupt the whole industry. As Scooby-Doo, America's favorite weed-loving dog would say, "Ruh-roh!"

Alleged child rapist worked at 8 more Seattle elementary schools: The former teacher aide accused of raping a child at John Muir Elementary school for a period of six to seven months had access to thousands of Seattle school children. The list of schools he worked at, according to The Seattle Times, is as follows:

Martin Luther King Jr. Elementary, in the Rainier Valley.
Orca K-8 School, in the Rainier Valley.
Van Asselt Elementary, on Beacon Hill.
Denny International Middle School, in West Seattle.
Washington Middle School, in the Central Area.
Aki Kurose Middle School, in the Rainier Valley.
Mercer Middle School, on Beacon Hill.
Bailey Gatzert Elementary School, in the Central Area.

75 percent of students at Western Washington charter schools are kids of color: 63 percent are from low-income families. The charter school operates outside the traditional public school format and advertises helping struggling students catch up. They’ve only been operating in Washington state for three years so their academic track record hardly exists. But, for those who have struggled in public schools, charters offer a refreshing and advantageous education. Parents are seeing results.

Fatal road rage on I-5: An altercation between a 23-year-old female motorcyclist and a 60-year-old driver turned physical. It ended when the woman shot the man. She called 911 and was detained. The man died died at the scene.

Amazon and Seattle public officials are having a meeting: And no one else is invited. Representatives for Mayor Jenny Durkan and King County Executive Dow Constantine will join several city councilmembers as they pledge their allegiance and servitude to Amazon. No, wait, that’s not right. They will be discussing the proposal to metal-work all those pipes at Gasworks park into a replica of Jeff Bezos’ girthy — Wait. No. It’s a sacrifice of some kind, I think. Involving Paul Allen. Bezos was tired of competing to be favorite billionaire and said he’d take HQ1 away if Seattle didn’t give him a decent Valentine’s day present. He is so material. Any of those things could be happening but we may never know since the press and public aren’t allowed!

Tukwila man calls for help, gets detained by ICE: Wilson Rodriguez called 911 because someone was breaking into his house. When the police showed up, they did a background check on him and found he had an outstanding warrant from ICE. Now, he’s been detained. He has a wife and three kids. Did the police ever catch the break-in suspect? We may never find out.

Seattle tech workers are making bank: The average income for a tech worker in Seattle is $132,000 without bonuses or benefits. That, coupled with lower cost of living compared to other tech hubs, makes Seattle the most attractive place to move for the tech-savvy.

The government shutdown for a minute but now it’s ok: I think? Rand Paul stalled the budget bill originally but then officials worked overnight, probably out of sheer embarrassment, to pass it. Trump signed it this morning. Then tweeted about it. Of course. The bill still does not address immigration.

Everyone thinks Trump’s military parade idea is terrible: Including the Navy SEAL who killed Osama bin Laden.


Oregon man goes a bit “Fargo” on his coworker: He worked as a tree trimmer and tried to murder his coworker via wood chipper.

Life imitates art:


Utah elementary school ditches Andrew Jackson namesake: The oldest elementary school in Salt Lake City was named after renowned asshole and Native American murderer, Andrew Jackson. But, the school board voted unanimously to change it. Now, the school is Mary Jackson Elementary School after the first black female NASA engineer.

Arizona women’s prison gives inmates 12 pads a month: If the inmates need more they have to pay. If they want tampons they have to pay. A box of tampons — $3.99 — is 27 hours of work. If women bleed through their clothes, which happens often, they’re given a ticket for being out of uniform. A bill in the Arizona Legislature would give female inmates an unlimited supply of feminine hygiene products. The challenge? Winning approval from the all-male House Military, Veterans and Regulatory Affairs Committee.

The Olympics started! I guess there were some events last night, but the opening ceremony was this morning at 3 a.m. Did everyone enjoy watching it? Here are some of the big Olympic highlights so far:

Norway’s Olympic team accidentally ordered 15,000 eggs: It was apparently a Google translate error. They meant to order 1,500 eggs. Luckily, the supermarket took back 13,500.

Most free condoms at an Olympics ever! You can bet that South Korea is expecting all the athletes in the Olympic Village to be bumping uglies. The ultimate diplomatic relationship. But, they want everything to be safe. Olympic athletes received 110,000 condoms. That’s 37 condoms per athlete.

New record in downhill skiing: Set by a runaway walkie-talkie.


Perhaps the biggest news of all: Jackie Chan got to carry the Olympic torch.


Logan Paul might have to get a real job: Youtube just removed all the ads from national embarrassment Logan Paul’s YouTube videos. That cuts off his revenue stream which is estimated to be more than a million dollars a month. This comes on the heels of Paul filming a recently deceased person in Japan’s suicide forest. Most recently, a video surfaced of him tasering two dead rats. What the fuck.

Seattle is getting rid of marijuana misdemeanors, but what about Washington? 129,000 state residents were arrested for having small amounts of pot between 2000 and 2010. Gov. Jay Inslee has pardoned a whopping three (THREE) people for marijuana convictions. Our coverage is on-going.

Also, the UW College Republicans vs. UW's hearing is this morning: The club is trying to get a temporary order from the U.S. District Court that would bar UW from charging them $17,000 in security fees for a the controversial far-right event they're holding on Saturday. They're speaking with the judge this morning.

You made it through the week, would you like a fun fact? The world's largest living organism is one huge mushroom that lives underground in the Blue Mountains in Oregon.

There are a bunch of holidays to celebrate in Seattle this weekend: Including Valentine’s Day, Lunar New Year, and Mardi Gras. If none of that strikes your fancy, there are loads more options on our complete Things To Do calendar.