I am a kinky hetero woman who MUCH prefers anal sex and lusts after homo men and, to a lesser extent, trans women. Emotionally I prefer them and I would love to be in a relationship with one — a gay man or a trans woman — as his/her only female partner. I just moved to DC. The quality and quantity of gay men here are fantastic! So far, my grounded best friend has managed to talk me out of going to gay bars/bathhouses (whose rules explicitly allow women!) in search of a miracle. On to my questions:

1. Do any gay men not care about letting a woman watch them fuck? (I would happily settle for masturbating while watching from an innocuous position)

2. Do any male couples like using chicks like me as a maid or errand girl? (I love light Dom/sub play too!)

3. Is it more realistic to seek out a bisexual and/or trans partner/couple? Don't they hang out in the gay scene too?

4. Is there any way for a woman to signal interest to men who primarily want men?

5. Have you ever heard of a cis female as a permanent third in a primarily homosexual male relationship?

6. What about sparking conversation on the street? Is there ANYTHING I can say to put myself out there in case a gay-presenting man is bi or would otherwise consider entertaining female energy? I know gay men lust after straight men... is there a magic key to getting what I want?

Fucked Like A Guy

P.S. The best sex I ever had was anal-only with a straight-identified man who disclosed he was attracted to trans women. He never let me in on those adventures, but it greatly fueled my imagination.

1. Most people have strong feelings one way or the other about being observed while fucking — and many-to-most people aren't exhibitionists, FLAG, and are only into being observed mid-fuck by the person/persons they're actually fucking. (And sometimes not even by them — some folks are "lights off" types.) There are gay male exhibitionists out there, of course, and some gay male exhibitionists don't care who's watching 'em fuck. Luckily for you, FLAG, the Internet was invented to help you find those guys. You could also seek them out at the nearest all-gender/all-orientation sex party.

2. It takes all kinds.

3. A bisexual guy — say, the bi half of a same-sex couple into Dom/sub play — would be likelier to take you up on your offer(s) than a single gay guy, single trans woman (who could be a lesbian), or a gay male couple.

4. Yes! There's this thing called Grindr, FLAG. Heard of it? (As a kinky hetero woman who lusts after homo men and trans women, I can only assume you have.) While it's understandably controversial, Grindr has opened its virtual doors to women as well as trans and non-binary people who are (presumably) looking for DTF gay dudes. (Or maybe each other? Who knows?) The rare cisgender straight chick has long been a feature on Grindr, but the app's recent shift made it easier for cis and/or straight ladies to create a profile and seek out gay dudes who might enjoy letting a straight woman watch 'em fuck or are into the idea of a straight chick serving as their submissive maid and/or errand girl. Will some gay/bi dudes be upset to see you on Grindr? Yup. Will some gay/bi dudes be rude douches about it? Yup. But if you're looking for a same-sex male couple to fuck/serve/date, Grindr's your best shot.

5. Nope. I've certainly heard of MMF throuples where one or both of the guys was bisexual. But I don't know of any examples of homosexual male couples, primarily or otherwise, who took on a permanent cis female third — except for this example. At first glance it would seem that Cait is living the your dream, FLAG, but the headline ("Three In a Bed: Gay couple who added a girlfriend to their relationship say ‘throuple’ sex is the best they’ve ever had!") is misleading. One of the guys in this "gay" couple identifies as bisexual, the other identifies as homoflexible. So Cait isn't with a homosexual couple, "primarily" or otherwise; both of her boyfriends are bisexual.

6. Yes, some gay men lust after straight men — but mostly in vain, FLAG. Trust me on this: you don't wanna emulate these pathetic and often lonely dudes. Leave the gay male couples alone — except for the exhibitionist couples at your local all-genders/all-orientations sex party — and go find yourself a couple of nice bisexual guys.

P.S. Regarding bathhouses, FLAG, if a bathhouse allows women, you can go. But even in a bathhouse, where privacy isn't assured, not every gay guy will wanna be observed while fucking — not by a woman, not by a man, not by an enby. For those guys, there are usually private rooms available. If all the private rooms are booked, there are also dark corners — and while nothing can stop you from following a pair of guys into a dark corner, FLAG, don't be surprised if they ask you fuck off. Also, if you happen to find a bathhouse that allows women, it would be helpful to know if they welcome women or if women are allowed because barring women would violate local anti-discrimination statutes. If the gay bathhouse is in a large urban area like DC, it's probably the latter. So while you may be allowed to enter, you may not feel particularly welcome.

P.P.S. There are lots of straight guys out there who are into trans women, FLAG, and straight women who not only aren't threatened by that but are actually into it are rare. So broaden your search to include straight guys who are into trans women and/or already in relationships with trans women.

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