Privilege is being able to impulse-buy three sex toys. The good ones ain't cheap!

Thank you, Dan, for the first paragraph of your first reply. Neologisms and euphemisms are best used sparingly. That letter was unpleasant to read!

Urban Dictionary has a thesaurus now?

JESS ~ I'm as big a fan of cleverly used slang as anyone, but I gotta agree with Dan, One reference to "trouser gravy" is PLENTY. After that as Foghorn Leghorn once said (I think...could be wrong), "Son, if you shake it more than once, you're playin' with it." But aside from that, as I've told every random person riding the bus with me, "My sthemen maketh my tongue nub too."

TOM ~ Even if your cock ring is comfy, it's still gonna be squeezing your dick and somewhat constricting the general flow of things. Try a larger size. It's easier than dick reduction surgery, which I wouldn't recommend. When I did it, the doctor got mixed up and used a metric ruler instead of the English and lopped off six inches! Now I've gotta slink through life with a measly ten inch dick. Life sucks!

yikes

This is some old school Hey Faggot era Savage Love right here. The dream of the 90s is alive.

JESS is probably a fake designed entirely to get Trouser Gravy and Maidenaide published, but it made me snicker a lot anyway.

@1 Decommodify and nationalize sex toys now. Butt plugs aren't just for bankers. The 99% deserves pleasure too.

I sincerely hope Henri "The Pocket Rocket" Richard never finds out about this. I also hope I never have to read the words "blast-off broth" or "maidenade" again. Let's make a pact right now never to speak of this outside this SLOG post.

Dan's right, though. I was with someone once who was allergic both to his own and my semen. We both came, some of both got on his leg and he immediately jumped up and ran to the bathroom to get a towel.

I thought this was odd and he pulled it away and showed me a red welt on his leg the same shape as the semen. It was very odd.

@4 - You’re either a lame troll or a complete idiot for suggesting that anyone can get AIDS from their o‪wn ejaculate. And you must be new here if you haven’t read thousands of letters from straight guys who like buttplay. I don’t care for it myself and I’m gay, but it’s a physical sensation, not an orientation. The orientation is more about who you do it with than what you do.

But I think you know that. I think you’re just trolling to get a rise out of people. And that seems very sad and lonely.

One "clever" euphemism would have been entertaining. A letter full of them had me wishing this guy would choke on his own cum. ("Cum"! See how easy that was to type.)

DC270 @1: Cock rings and butt plugs are among the cheaper sex toys available. Either item is available for £10 or less ($15-ish USD) from LoveHoney. TOM just needs to forgo a couple of lattes and he can try out these toys.

@10 remember socialists / communists are not against private ownership of property, just for the state / communal ownership of the means of production. So, nationalize the sex toy factories, private ownership of sex toys continues.

Meanwhile the capitalist bankers are fucking us all in the ass, non-consensually*, all the time.

* red neck republicans vote against their and our self-interest, and so I guess they have consented

Delta that depends. Socialism/communism has a huge range of ideas regarding planning and organization of both production and distribution, but generally speaking, goods/services produced in cooperative or worker owned firms/factories can be distributed through trade in the free market. But production of decommodified goods/services (education, housing, health care) is nationalized so taxpayer funded and then distributed by a central authority. We would first need to establish regional bureaucracies that assess the local need for butt plugs, vibrators and cock rings, then report to a central Ministry of the Sex Toy Industry that could set quotas and rations for production and distribution. We'd eventually achieve sex toys for all, but it would probably take a few years. We'd also have to build a relationship with the worker-owned consumer goods factories producing things like lube & batteries to make sure that the proportion of supply meets demand or else we'd render many of the toys useless. Likewise, we'd need to do an inspection of the population to figure out averages and norms. So it appears that our first step would be applying for appropriate research grants and search permits to establish a national database of cock, vagina and butthole sizes so that we'd know how to produce and distribute cock ring, dildos, and butt plug of all shapes and sizes. Then we could begin to mail out coupons that could be redeemed at any local government sex toy shop. Imagine the employment we'd create! I'd apply for the job of Secretariat of Penis Size Investigations at the Ministry of Cock Rings.

For JESS, you could have a mild sensitivity to zinc. I've blown more than my share of dudes, and every time I get semen in my mouth, I get the same result - a tingly/scratchy sensation that irritates my mouth and throat. I also get the same thing whenever I try sucking on a Cold-Eeze, which are primarily zinc lozenges.

I'm puzzled as to why JESS thought we'd judge him. We're Savagistas, we shrug in a Gallic fashion at everything that does not involve unkindness to others.

The "Gallic Shrug"...
http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/Internation…

As someone with a moderate-to-severe semen allergy, I can say that the numb tinglies is exactly how mine started, along with an extremely bitter taste. It was like that for a few years (during which I was having sex / giving blowjobs to several men, but rarely the same one more than a few times). After I started having more long-term relationships, I discovered that each exposure to the same man’s semen gets progressively worse, and more semen = worse reaction - and after three or four times swallowing with one guy I got rushed to hospital because my throat swelled so much I couldn’t breathe. With each new guy, it wasn’t so bad the first time, but the effects seem to be cumulative.

Other random data points: with a boyfriend who’d had a vasectomy, it was much milder but still there. What they eat doesn’t seem to make a difference. If it gets on my skin I’m fine if I wash it off immediately, but if I don’t wash properly I get a red rash with welts that last a few days. In my vagina it usually makes me a bit sore, but nothing major. If I get a tiny bit in my mouth by accident, my tongue goes numb and I get a terrible sore throat (not enough to need medical care) and the bitter taste. The bitterness alone is enough to be extremely careful with it - every man I’ve ever tasted (which is quite a few; I’m a sex worker) tastes to me like the pith of a pomelo, or like that stuff you put on your nails to stop you biting them.

Your allergy may not be as bad, or follow the same path, but my advice - for what it’s worth - is that if you’re going to continue to taste it, keep an EpiPen on hand. I’ve certainly needed mine once or twice.

Sati @21: Oh my! A sex worker who's allergic to semen; that's quite unfortunate!

@11 "maidenade" lol

@3: Underrated post.

@21: Oy, that bites.

@12, 18, 21
Longtime lurker, never had anything to add before now. I’ve always gotten the same tingly tongue from cum. Unlike @21, I’ve never had it get any worse over repeated loads. Just the same tingling, lasts about 10 minutes. Maybe there’s something to @18’s theory. I’ve always been curious, thanks for the discussion!

@4,5
Since I’m here now, fuck off Bub.

I see that Bub’s horrible comment that I responded to has been deleted. Was he banned?

@27: I hope so; but even if he is, he'll simply make another account. This is at least his 3rd, maybe his 5th. Fortunately, he's easy enough to spot and either ignore or report.

Kevin @27: I reported an earlier shitty comment of Commenter aka Bub's. The comment was deleted but he was allowed to stay. I don't know how many strikes he gets before he's out, but Nocute is right, he'll just come up with another alias and come back to harass again.

@27, 29: I actually reported both of his comments on this thread twice apiece, since no action was taken after my first report (no action was taken after the second report, either, but I guess some other people reported, too. Or maybe it's because I reported over the weekend). I wonder how many reports it takes to get a comment removed.