I have a wonderful, loving, sexual, caring girlfriend, who I just discovered has an interesting fixation: she fantasizes about, basically, eviscerating me—cutting me open, feeling and tasting what's under the skin, "crawling inside" of me. It doesn't seem to be a sex thing, more loving/endearing, and she has no stated desire to actually DO this stuff, just fantasize about it. I have no problem with this (find it fascinating actually), but unfortunately when she tells me about it (and the details she tells me are pretty graphic, but I know it's much more so in her head) I have a purely visceral reaction of utter revulsion. My skin crawls, I get pretty creeped out, and kinda want to vomit.
She's made it clear she's never been able to talk about this with anyone else, so I think it's pretty awesome that she feels that comfortable with me. And I do NOT want her to feel shamed; I certainly have plenty of kinks/quirks that some others wouldn't dig. And I LIKE hearing about what makes her tick, and I want her to be comfortable sharing, cause it's clearly enjoyable and relieving to her. But good god it freaks me out in that purely gut-reaction kind of way.
Do you possibly have any suggestions for how I can deal with this?
Anonymous And Hopeful
I would file this one under “a fetish too far,” AAH.
Obviously “too far” in the sense that your girlfriend's fantasy can never be realized—at least not non-criminally/non-homicidally—but also too far in the sense that knowing your partner "fantasizes about, basically, eviscerating" you would be a libido killer for most people. That would be the case even if it came bundled with assurances that your partner would never, ever want to actually do this thing and that it's not a "sex thing" kinda of murder fantasy, but more of a "loving/endearing" murder fantasy. Now some extreme fantasies can be indulged though dirty talk or fantasy role play (check out my practical advice for a woman whose boyfriend was into vore), but listening to some daydream about murdering you in the most brutal possible way... yeah... most people aren't going to able to go there. However relieved your girlfriend might be about finally have someone to talk with about this, AAH, it's unreasonable for her to expect you to listen as she entertains fantasies about cutting you open and crawling inside your carcass so she can see what your kidneys taste like.
So it’s perfectly fine and perfectly supportive and perfectly non-shaming for you to say, “Look, I understand this stuff turns you on and I don’t mind starring in your private fantasies and kinks aren't conscious choices and I know you need someone in your life you can talk with this stuff about, honey, but that person can't be me. Listening to you talk about murdering me is kinds of unnerving. So if you really need to talk with someone about this stuff... I think you should get online and find someone who shares your fantasies and talk with that person about all the slicey-and-dicey things you’d like to do to me. Also... maybe... a therapist too? A kink-positive one, of course, but someone you can process this stuff with besides your desired victim?"
Frankly, AAH, if I were in your
shoes unbroken skin, it would unnerve me to know my girlfriend was chatting with anonymous strangers who might encourage her to start thinking about the possibility of one day acting on her fantasies. I consider myself a pretty kink-positive person, AAH, but I would've run from the room, the apartment, and the girlfriend a long time ago—not to “kink shame” her, but for my own sanity and sense of security. I just wouldn’t be able to sleep at night next to someone whose deepest, darkest desires involved cutting me open and "tasting what's under the skin [and] 'crawling inside' of me." That's what rimming is for.
But, hey, that's just me.