I've been in a pretty vanilla opposite-sex marriage for ten years and I'd say its been pretty sexless for the last five. Bad scene, I know. Hubby has basically no libido and I'm a frickin' horn dog. How did I last so long? Well, we were baby making and raising kids for a while and now that the hardest part is done I need to get laid. SERIOUSLY. To my complete and utter shock hubby is game to open up our relationship and for me to start getting my needs met (hallelujah choir, can you hear it?). We're having a lot of intense conversations around boundaries and listening to podcasts, reading books etc as we're both very committed to our relationship. (Honestly, Dan, other than the lack of libido, he's perfect.) So my question is, how do I get the ball rolling? Last time I dated, people barely had cell phones and I didn't have kids or a husband. I realize I'm probably going to have to go online, but how do I be honest without sending out red flags? Horny wife who's barely been laid for a decade is available for awkward first time fling? I'm struggling with the need to be honest without freaking folks out. I was thinking maybe I could be a third for a married couple "looking to fulfill a long time fantasy" or something? I should mention that I've been with both men and woman and am open to both. My dream is that I have a lover or 2 that I can see on the regular, and still live my normal cis gendered mom life in between. Where do I start?!

Overeager Horndog

I went on and on and on in yesterday's SLLOTD... so I'm going to be brief today.

I don't believe that honesty is the best policy in all instances, OH, but when it comes to casual sex with strangers it's always better to be completely honest about who you are and completely straightforward about what you want.

And a personal add (on OKCupid or some other site) that opens with "horny wife who's barely been laid for a decade is available for awkward first time fling" is going to get a lot of responses—many from horny husbands who haven't been laid in a decade or more. You'll have to carefully sift through the responses, of course, and employ best practices for meeting strangers who wanna put their dicks in you (or rub their pussies on you): a brief meeting in public the first time, real names and phone numbers, tell someone where you are and who you're with, have an extended conversation about limits, consent, STIs, and respect, etc., that leaves you feeling better about this person sticking his (or her!) dick in you or rubbing her (or his!) pussy on you. You'll want to be on particular guard for predatory men (or couples) who might wanna take advantage of your lack of recent experience and/or your perceived desperation. If someone gives you a bad feeling, bail. If someone gives you a good feeling, move forward—slowly.

There are also lots of opposite-sex couples out there seeking a third—you may be desperately horny, OH, but a woman open to being a couple's regular third is called a "unicorn" for a reason: they're really hard to find and they're in great demand. You'll have a lot of couples to choose from if you decide to go that route. So be choosy!

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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