Savage Love Letter of the Day: Reader Advice Round-up


Great, insightful comments! (I love it when the comments can be as good as, or even better than the article – see: the NYT) I truly appreciate your work Dan, feel we are fortunate indeed to have you here, and find you far more moral than much or most of what I’ve seen of the so-called “Moral Majority” – btw, are they still around?
Keep it up.
Mr. Kristof of the NYT- It is now known as "The Oral Majority"
Re: needing to feel comfortable in your own skin before you can make friends/find partners - important to note that you can continue to be a miserable mess and still be comfortable in your own skin. In case the original LW is worried about that. You can also be severely socially anxious and be comfortable in your own skin. You're just unlikely to fare well in certain common social situations so you have to find ones that work better for you. If you don't know why things aren't going well hire a shrink to figure it out or get a friend to watch you like they're Jane Goodall and you're a chimp.
SEATTLE and MILF (from the weekly column) both could benefit from reading and absorbing Mark Manson's most recent article:

How to Grow Up they're both guilty of "transactional relationships", ie, thinking social interactions all boil down to "if I do A I will get B". In SEATTLE's case it's "I'm going to all the gay clubs, how come I don't have any friends" and in MILF's case it's "I will get more pussy if I memorize and recite all the feminist rules".

SEATTLE will probably be happier (and less desperate and have better friends and BE a better friend and, eventually, boyfriend) if he does things for the sake of doing them and not because he thinks they will pay off with a boyfriend. And MILF can't honestly call himself a feminist (or claim to "take a serious interest in feminism") until he learns that feminism is about embracing a principle, not a bunch of buzzwords to spout to impress potential partners. Just as there are no "nice guy" tokens to get sex from the sex machine, there are no "feminist ally" tokens either, because there is no sex machine, just people. That's the point.

As usual, walking the walk is harder than talking the talk, results may vary, etc.