I’m an older woman (61), no longer sexually active and happy with that. In my younger years, I was a “friendly” woman, on a paid basis and a just-for-fun basis as well. More on the fun side but the pay side was great. Of course, with clients, a small dick was “whatever” and easier to work with. My small dick clients were, without exception very polite. Nice people, hygienic, and just a pleasure to be with. They weren’t power lays (there’s not much pleasure from getting jack-hammered) rather just nice guys who wanted some skin on skin, kind words, and relaxation.

But since no means no and a woman always has the right to decline sex... how do you gracefully decline sex after a potential male partner drops his drawers and you realize he’s, ummmmm, TINY. Yes, I know there are growers and showers but sometimes it’s just depressing and no amount of growing will help. I had that happen several times in my personal life and I just always sighed, figured I’d bite the bullet (yeah, I know, bad joke goes here), and go through it. Now I’m wondering if there’s ever a graceful way to decline proceeding with sex after you and your potential partner are naked and you’ve changed your mind—whether it be from a small dick, etc.

Some Men Are Lousy Lovers

To the archives!

From my response to Why Does a Micropenis Have to Be a Dealbreaker?, where MICRO second-guessed having sex with a man because of his micro member:

A micropenis doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, MICRO, but I won't shame you for your preferences... even though you're kindasorta shaming this dude for his dick. Or how he handled his dick. Or didn't handle it. Sex with guys who have small (even micro) dicks can be just as hot/dull/kinky/awful/freaky/fun as sex with guys who have average-to-large-to-impractical dicks... unless your thing is big dicks and your need for a great big dick (or a great average dick) trumps all other kinds of fuckery. While I was initially tempted to suggest you give this guy another shot, MICRO, based on the quality of the chemistry, flirting, and kissing, my second reading convinced me otherwise. You're not into this dude because you're not into his dick and you're unlikely to make him comfortable enough to say, "Look I know it's small, but if you do this it'll feel good," the second time you get together. But the next time you have a really good date and later discover their junk isn't your ideal junk... try to remember that dicks are only a small part of the overall package.

And from a column published in 2007, Wee Weenies, where "Shrink Wrapped In Chicago" worried he wasn't satisfying his partner:

First, SWIC, you can satisfy a woman—you are satisfying a woman—but don't take my word for it, or your girlfriend's. Take the word of Savage Love guest expert extraordinaire Alice Dreger, a faculty member of the Medical Humanities and Bioethics Program at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine. Responding to a man with a small dick in this space last year, Dreger cited a study showing that small-dicked men often have "close and long-lasting relationships" with women. The women studied attributed their sexual satisfaction to the extra effort their partners went to during oral or nonpenetrative sex. Sounds like you're one of those very satisfying, extra-effort guys. So buck up.

I wanted to toss out the above before addressing your question, SMALL, premised as it is on the assumption that small dick = lousy lay. A small dick is no more predictive of bad sex than a big dick is guarantor of great sex. With that said...

First, anyone can decline to have sex at any time, for any reason—before both parties are naked, after both parties are naked, even after the sex has commenced. Each of us has an absolute right to withdraw our consent and call the hole thing off. Full stop.

But how does one gracefully decline sex after both parties are naked? One uses one's words, SMALL, but first one recalls the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Let's say you went to bed with someone who, after the dropping of drawers, realized that some fact about your body—inverted nipples, dangling labia*, parasitic twin—was such a (completely subjective) turn-off that they couldn't go through with it. In that situation, SMALL, how would you like to be treated? How would you like to be done unto? Would you want to be told the brutal, unvarnished truth? ("I can't do this with your parasitic twin staring me in the face!") Or would you prefer a gently varnished face-saving/ego-sparing white lie? The latter, I suspect.

Brusquely informing someone that some aspect of their body—particularly when it involves a natural variance—is such a (completely subjective) turn-off that you have no choice but to pull your up underpants and go is needlessly cruel. The problem is yours, not theirs, and it's possible to end the encounter gracefully and graciously. Offer an excuse that doesn't leave a person whose dick is too small dick—or whose large labia are too large or whose parasitic twin is too intimidating—feeling terrible about themselves.

Yes: "I think those clams I ate earlier were bad. I'm so sorry but I think I'm going to have to go."

No: "You call that a dick?"

Yes: "I'm not feeling this—let's just cuddle/call it a night/proceed to the Netflix portion of the evening."

No: "You call that a dick?"

Odds are good the other person will realize something is up—particularly if you didn't have the clams—but a clumsy effort to spare someone's feelings > blurting out a subjective assessment of someone's supposed physical flaws.

The above doesn't apply if someone is saying or doing something that makes you feel unsafe or violated. If someone, for instance, presses you not to use condoms after having agreed to use condoms as a condition of getting into your pants in the first place (or removes the condom after things are underway), tell them you're leaving and tell them why—unless you fear for your physical safety, of course, in which case feel free to go with bad clams. But ideally someone who behaves badly should be informed that their actions resulted in you pulling the plug in the hopes that they'll think twice before pulling that move on someone else. (If you don't feel safe in the moment telling someone who's behaving badly why you're leaving, send 'em a blunt followup text before blocking 'em.)

* Long labia, like small dicks, are a natural variance and no hinderance to sexual pleasure. A turn off for some—people have preferences—but a turn on and/or a non-issue for many/most others. They're certainly not anything anyone should have to go under the knife to "correct" absent some other issue, i.e. physical discomfort.