The Family Featured in the NYT Article About Queer Families Looks Awfully Straight


That article went about as deep into the frankly weird-ass world of non-gender-conforming people as you could expect the NYT could go. The further you go the more you get into "we are validating people with mental problems" territory.
The article was interesting but really something that's best kept as a family matter and a need to know basis for the rest of us. As mother used to say "It's fine if you want to walk about Hyde Park with a foot long butt plug in your ass just show some class and don't advertise it to everyone. Most people just don't give a shit".
Putting form in front of function here. If you're just replacing old words with new words...
Nobody has the right to dictate pronouns.
The NYT article is not good. The lead couple reject "mommy" and "daddy" and settle on "mama" and "baba" which are... exactly the same. It goes on to explain that, in a recent of 40 same-sex couples *all* chose variations of mother and father.
Best of luck with your application. I have my fingers crossed for you. And me.
"I realize that I'm not the LGBTQIAS (the "s" stands for "straight") hall monitor, ... ... ...

but while everyone and their abba has decided that queerness is more about haircuts and pronouns than who you bone, actual queer people are still second class citizens under the law."

Words aren't magic, friend. You can't just say something and make it so, you have to actually affirm what you say in your behavior and action. You say you are not the queer hall monitor, but then you turn around and perform exactly that role! Also there seems to be a strange unresolved quasi conflation of gender expression and sexuality through all of this. All in all, this could have been conceived with a little more rigor and empathy maybe? I can at least understand and probably agree with your vague point that the NYT's is gravitating toward the most mainstream expressions of queerness they can find... but as you imply, being queer has nothing to do with physical aesthetics.
Umm, I'm gay. My husband is gay. I'm Daddy. He's Abba. And yes, because we're Jewish. But as a Hebrew speaker, I can tell you that Abba is gendered. Israelis and American Jews refer to their fathers as Abba. He's just wrong to argue it's not a very male title. It can literally be translated as "patriarch."
These people sound insufferable.
Reined, not reigned. You reined it in like horses, not reigned over it like a queen.
Apologies for the pedantry.
In other news, bisexuals in a male - female couple, not really queer, amirite?
@7 ah, the old "homosexuality is a behavior" argument! Haven't heard that one for a bit.
People like these two make me so tired. I don't love how it's suddenly fashionable to claim to be queer, whether you are even close to being queer or not. I'm certainly not hot for using the word itself, since it was a major source of misery for all of us baby faggots when I was growing up. Making up a title ("Mx.", please) and plying the waters of "they/them" don't qualify you as queer, any more than gazing critically at a poster of Guernica makes you an artist. If that's all you've got -- well, that and a newborn -- you're in the shallow end of the pond. Give it a rest.

Get your heteronormative garbage out of here. The only reason everything looks straight to you is because you want it to. Your poor little devolved brain can't handle the concept that people are more than what's between their legs and that scares you. Get. Over. Yourself.

Cis white gays out here constantly trying to belittle and mock everyone else that's queer because they feel like their rights are safe now. Way to be fairweather allies.

This is a straight couple. Heterosexual, as in male and female pair, two people of the opposite sex who have a child.

They pretending not to be a straight white couple. Ridiculous!
I'm a cisgender femme woman, and my partner is a cisgender man. We are both bisexual, but I am fully aware of the huge amount of straight-passing privilege we possess. This is the main reason I don't identify as queer; the word doesn't feel like it's meant for me at this point in my life. When I was single, it was different. I was actually disciplined at two different jobs for talking about dates with a woman. (Written up for sexual harassment!)
This couple sounds insufferable, btw. Poor you.

I’m not sure the NYT did the right thing by choosing that couple to be the front of this article. It would have helped to know more about them and their journey in choosing their own definition.
Their self-labeling credentials are already in question. As Gitai @ 8 is rightfully pointing out, there is nothing to indicate queerness for a bio father to be called abba.

I think the article attempted to show that identifying as “queer” goes beyond the clearly defined homo/bi sexuality.
It certainly angers the certified organics ones, as it seems to water down the definition and minimize the struggles that many others encounter on a daily basis.

"...they ignore the very real trials and tribulations that actual same-sex couples go through in a legal system that isn't equipped to handle us."

"actual same-sex couples"? I'm a transsexual, my wife is cis. Had 4 kids then I transitioned 7 years into our marriage. Are you saying my wife and I aren't an "actual same-sex couple"?

Who is "us"? Does that not include my wife, and I? Are we just a straight couple who's husband (me) is living a manufactured female life?

In order to be an "actual same-sex couple" you must have the struggle of child adoption on your list of victimization, because that's the sole metric for which LQBTQ couples are measured, am I right?

Far out, suddenly non-binary people aren't real queers?
Do you say the same about bi people who aren't in same sex relationships?

You're saying people only exist if they're in the LEGAL system? Read a book and learn some history.


I bet any baker will bake them a wedding cake.


That baby may have an opinion someday about his queer-identified front page attention-seeking hetero-normative parents using him to validate their own queer ego's.


You decided they are worthy of bitching about on the grounds they "look awfully straight"? Did you actually read that sentence back before you sent it for publication? Do you ever think about what you say before it comes out of your mouth or your fingertips??

If you decide who does and doesn't belong based on what they look like to your blinkered perception, then frankly my bi, genderqueer ass thinks that's your issue, and no one else's.


Can I ask why the stock photo of the most heterosexual white couple imaginable rather than a photo of the actual couple in question? Was it a "couldn't get the rights to their photo" issue or a "this will bolster my argument" choice?


I am incredibly saddened by people’s read on this. Way to attack a well meaning couple and author who are 100% allies of the LGBTQ community. No single news piece can cover the entirety of an issue, and the times decided to focus on the normalization of gender neutral pronouns, even amongst couples that might otherwise be read as straight-cisgendered. THIS IS AN AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL THING. It means EVERYONE is thinking about gender identity and gender roles, not just members of the LGBTQ community who are, in many ways, “required” to consider those issues.

I sincerely hope we as a society stop reading the worst in everything and everyone around us. It seems all we want to do as liberals is exclude and criticize. It’s a downward spiral and we will suffer more and more as we eat ourselves from within.


Good response to that embarrassing NYT article. I cringe at the escalating number of straight couples appropriating queer narratives for attention. Someone needs to call BS and put a stop to this before the statistics we use to make public policy get muddled to the point of uselessness - which is exactly what will happen if straight couples equate themselves to gay couples.