I’m a 49-year-old gay man. It took a long time to come to terms with my sexuality, but the advent of the Internet and then apps finally encouraged me to act on my “gayness” about twelve years ago. I’ve always been attracted to younger guys and adhere 100% to the Campsite Rule. (Thanks for that one, Dan!) I’ve met some amazing guys and had a couple great relationships along the way. I’m still in casual and social media contact with nearly all of them and most are still friends.

The problem is, I’m not getting any younger and I’d like to get serious with a guy in the final third of my life. But the guys I get involved with, date, fuck, etc., are all college-age and a healthy, longterm relationship is impossible with the age difference. But for whatever reason, Dan, I can’t seem to swipe right or reply to the “heys” I get from guys closer to my age, nor do I feel any sexual attraction toward them. It’s almost like since I didn’t get to be gay in my teens and twenties I’m trying to make up for it somehow by fucking all these gorgeous young guys now.

So I'm headed down a path to ending up a lonely, old gay man. On one hand I think, “Get it while you can, Daddy, these guys are HOT!” But on the other hand I know doing so won't won’t lead to a LTR which I want more than anything. I don’t know what to do. I know looks will fade and body parts droop and I can’t see how this ends well unless I can get myself to start looking for more age-appropriate guys to date.

Definitely A Dude Doing Younger

I personally know gay couples with ten-, fifteen-, twenty-, and twenty-five-year age differences. So a longterm relationship between a 49-year-old Daddy and a gay boy in his twenties isn't impossible. But by telling yourself it's impossible, DADDY, you've made it impossible—not for everyone, just for you. The actor and author Stephen Fry is married to a man thirty years his junior; author Armistead Maupin is married to a man 27 years his junior. If you can find a gorgeous young guy who wants an open-ended LTR with you, DADDY, there's no reason why you couldn't have one with him. But first you have to let yourself believe it's possible.

Please note: You can't spend the "final third" of your life with a guy in his twenties without that guy aging into his thirties and then his forties and then his fifties. Beautiful boys stop hearts, not clocks. If there's no way you could ever be attracted to someone who isn't eternally 24—someone who isn't a gay vampire who sucks cock and never ages—then you should continue doing what you're doing: have lovely short-term relationships with younger guys who are into older guys but not looking for anything longterm. But you may find yourself capable of doing what so many other people in successful LTRs do: establish a bond that transcends the physical and sustains mutual attraction even as looks fade change and parts droop expand elongate show a marked increase in surface area. Okay, droop.

Practically speaking, DADDY, guys still in college usually don't know exactly what they want to do or where they want to live after they graduate and consequently aren't good candidates for a successful longterm partnership. (But as you already know, DADDY, they're often good candidates for successful short-term relationships.) So instead of guilting yourself for not pursuing guys your own age—and instead of inflicting BS rationalizations on us for why you're not open to dating guys your own age (you like younger guys because you do, not because you missed out)—pursue slightly older younger guys, e.g. guys in the mid-twenties who are out of college and just as sorted as guys in their mid-twenties can be and looking for daddies.

For new readers clutching their pearls over this Daddy/boy talk:

Just as gay men who call themselves or their partners “boy” don’t mean “minor” and aren’t fantasizing about child rape, gay men who call themselves or their partners “daddy” don’t mean “biological father” and aren’t fantasizing about father-son incest. Daddy is an honorific that eroticizes a perceived age and/or experience gap; it’s about authority and sexual dominance, not paternity and incestuous deviance.... When a straight woman calls her man “Babe,” no one thinks, “OMG! She’s into raping babies!” When a straight guy says he picked up a “hot girl,” no one thinks he’s talking about a sexy fourth grader.

Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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