You will never believe some of the things that can happen in the 206. Just the other day, for example, a young couple from Detroit parked their rental car in what appeared to them to be a very safe part of downtown Seattle. They were, according to KIRO 7, a "stone’s throw of high-end spots such as the Four Seasons Hotel, Benaroya Hall, and the Seattle Art Museum."

The couple walked from there to the popular Pike Place Market. We can almost be certain that they had what most tourists visiting The Town would consider a pretty good time. They might have even seen the flying fish or sat on the pig or put some gum on that dumb wall. But when they returned to the rental car, after only one hour (it was the middle of the day), they were shocked out of their minds to find that its windows had been broken and their bags pinched. All their stuff was in those bags.

The couple called Seattle's finest immediately, but the SPD turned out to be as jaded as Marlene Dietrich. The department's innocence had been ground down to dust by too much experience. We must picture the world-weary officer yawning, when he or she said to the victims: "Oh yeah, this happens all the time, you should’ve locked your stuff in the trunk. We’ll call you in the next 10 hours to file a report.” What kind of city was this? Was there anything called law and order here? And, like the moment in The Usual Suspects, the moment when the detective has an epiphany and spills that coffee, the couple suddenly noticed all of these homeless people living in tents on the streets, in the heart of the city. One of the victims told KIRO 7 that he "couldn’t believe homeless people were allowed to set up and camp on the streets."

“We’re from the Detroit area, so we understand that crime happens—but even in Detroit, you can park downtown safely,” said one of the victims, whose astonishment appeared to be as deep as the ocean and as wide as sky. “Or at least, you know where the sketchy parts are.” That city apparently makes sure its thieves never leave the places where everyone knows they are supposed to be.

The couple told KIRO 7 that when they return to Detroit, they're going to say nothing but bad things about the 206 to their friends and relatives and anyone who wants to be up on things. Sure, it sounds like a great place; sure it is close to nature and all of that (the couple are described as "nature enthusiasts"); but in truth, Seattle is more lawless than Manhattan in Escape From New York. The cops there are cold, the homeless people are on fire, and the jails are probably as empty as the hell in that play by Shakespeare.

One of the victims had these final words for Seattle, the city of the damned: “I don’t understand how people live in constant fear that their car might be robbed.”