Maybe it's meant to be?
Maybe it's meant to be? ROMAN TIRASPOLSKY / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM

Seattle comes crawling back to Wells Fargo: Talk about embarrassing. The city cut ties with Wells Fargo over its investments in the Dakota Access Pipeline. The whole customer fraud scandal thing didn’t help either. Seattle, however, isn’t drumming up any enthusiasm from any other bank — no one wants the city’s business. Unloved, unwanted, Seattle just wanted familiarity and comfort. It can forget all the other stuff. That was the past, Seattle tells itself. It knows Wells Fargo hasn't really changed, but maybe it'll make an effort to this time around. So here we are, crawling right back to our abusive ex.

Washington farmers are hyped about this new apple: This apple product is no iPhone. It’s an actual apple called the Cosmic Crisp and it’s gonna knock our socks off in 2019. That’s when it’s supposed to hit stores. It’s expected to make other apples obsolete. Wave goodbye to the always disappointing and deceptively named Red Delicious. Are Washington apple farmers naively putting all their apples in this one basket? I don’t know, the Cosmic Crisp sounds like a super apple; it’s slow to brown, can last in cold storage for over a year, easy to grow year round, and its taste is out of this world. Will the Cosmic Crisp render Fujis and Galas irrelevant? What about Granny Smiths? The McIntosh can go fuck itself for all I care. But what about the Honeycrisp?

Jupiter moon may be the best place to find alien life: Scientists have found that Europa spews plumes of water vapor into space. The discovery has been decades in the making; scientists have long believed that there’s an ocean lurking beneath Europa’s icy crust and that these plumes might exist. A dig back through old data confirmed their existence. This makes Europa the prime candidate for alien life.

Seattle City Council passes head tax compromise: It’s nearly half the size of the original head tax, but the council unanimously passed the $45 million head tax yesterday. Under this new version of the tax, Seattle would collect $275 per employee from businesses grossing more than $20 million. It’s on its way to Mayor Durkan. She plans to sign it.

The 558 businesses subjected to the head tax: The companies aren't named individually but are described based on economic sectors. Amazon, for instance, is probably one of the six “non-store retailers.” Grocery stores may be hit the hardest. They have a lot of employees but thin profit margins. The Seattle Times may also be subjected to the tax, reports none other than the Seattle Times.

Facebook may have leaked data of 1.43 million Washingtonians to Cambridge Analytica: Oh, Bob Ferguson is fuming right now. Well, more accurately, he is “deeply troubled.” He refused to comment on if he was investigating Facebook but said he is in “regular communication with colleagues and Facebook.”


Sea-Tac passenger sentenced: This crazy motherfucker was from Florida. He tried to open the aircraft’s door mid-flight. Apparently he’d loaded up on some edibles before the flight. I will be honest, I ate an edible on a flight once but all it made me do was cry harder during Saving Private Ryan. The Florida man ate several packages of edibles at once. He tried to open the door about an hour into the flight, punched a flight attendant, and whacked a fellow passenger upside the head with a dessert wine bottle. He faces up to five years in prison. You all know the legend of Florida Man, right?

Did the I-5 closure ruin your weekend? I took a Lyft after a concert and my German driver was perplexed by the closed roads. We drove in circles for 45 minutes as he chose to listen to his constantly rerouting Google Maps instead of me. The whole time eastern European house music was blaring through his speakers.

Seattle chef beats Bobby Flay: Shota Nakajima owns Adana on Capitol Hill. He appeared on the Food Network show Beat Bobby Flay where chefs compete against celebrity chef Bobby Flay. Nakajima beat Bobby Flay in a round where both chefs made tempura. I found out via Bobby Flay’s Instagram, something I do not follow but came across this weekend, that his daughter graduated from college. Congrats, Bobby, that’s cool.

Some relief: It’ll be cooler today. It hit a balmy 88 degrees yesterday. My farmer’s tan got pretty bad.


Update on Gaza killings yesterday: Those who were shot included women, children, journalists, first responders, and bystanders.


Melania Trump hospitalized: She had an embolization procedure to treat a “benign kidney condition.” She’s recovering in the hospital. According to a doctor, embolizations don’t usually require a hospital stay.

Staten Island couple finds buried treasure in backyard: What they thought was a cable box turned out to be $52,000 worth of diamonds, gold, jade, and some soggy cash. It belonged to their next door neighbors who had been burglarized in 2011. The couple returned the treasure. Or, I guess, the stolen goods. Isn't most treasure stolen?

Uber announces end to forced arbitration agreements: The practice allowed the company to keep sexual misconduct claims out of courts. These claims were addressed behind closed doors in private confidential hearings. The behaviors were allowed to continue, critics say. Now, anyone bringing one of these claims against Uber will be able to address the matter in court. The company also plans on publishing data of sexual assaults and other practices “that take place on the Uber platform,” the New York Times reports. These announcements come as Uber tries to reclaim its image and repair its reputation.

Did you know the Royal Wedding is this weekend? Of course you knew that Prince Harry was tying the knot with Meghan Markle on Saturday. Or, maybe you’re like most people not from the U.K. and don’t care. Except, a recent poll found that two-thirds — 66 percent — of Britons also don’t give a shit about the Royal Wedding.

London teen fell in love with ISIS fighter over shared love of Deal or No Deal: Howie Mandel really has a knack for bringing people together. Except this was probably the British version of that show. I know even less about it, then. Anyway. The London teenager was 17 when she and her ISIS lover started talking. Together, they plotted an attack on London. She told him her fantasies about killing President Obama. She was charged last April with plotting to run away and join ISIS. Her trial is on-going.

Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: Rachel Kushner's reading of Mars Room, a performance from the Portland Cello Project, and National Geographic Live — A Rare Look: North Korea to Cuba.