Gov. Jay Inslee fears for the orcas: Canada’s bullshit move to go forward with the Kinder Morgan Trans Mountain pipeline stunned opponents. Gov. Inslee called the deal “profoundly damaging.” The oil-tanker traffic between Washington and Canada would increase by seven times. That’s where the orcas live. Increased noise will fuck with salmon populations and starve an already starving pod. And an oil spill would definitely wipe them out.
Seattle is a “mecca for tunnels”: Besides the historic tunneling feats like the Westlake Transit Tunnel and the soon-to-be-opened Highway 99 Tunnel (thank you, Bertha), there are underground pedestrian tunnels in downtown. I’m not talking about the hokey Underground Tour (disclaimer: I’ve never been on it, I just assume it’s hokey). There is an official Pedestrian Underground Concourse that’s lurking under our feet. The pathways are a handy shortcut and a dry escape from the rain. They were built out of common sense and pedestrian pity. There are six pedestrian pathways located in downtown. One entrance is right near the 5th Avenue theater — there’s a set of stairs that seemingly leads to nowhere but actually leads to an underground world of opportunity.
Seattle judge blocks Trump defunding of King County sex education programs: Last year, the Trump administration cut funding for King County sex education programs aimed at preventing teen pregnancy. They did this without notice. The grant was supposed to be for $5 million over five years. Its funding was cut two years short. The county sued. The judge ruled in its favor and against Trump.
Prime Whole Foods perks expanded to more states: The 10 percent discounts on sale items and other special deals for Prime members were expanded to 12 additional states yesterday. Society will be divided up by Prime members and non-Prime members. I’m still boasting a Prime subscription that I have no recollection of getting. Alexa, is my body being controlled by Jeff Bezos for small periods of time? Alexa laughs her robotic laugh. It’s hollow and artificial but at the same time menacing. I look in the mirror. Who am I in Jeff Bezos’ America? Who are any of us? Alexa begins to play "Evil" by Stevie Wonder without any prompting.
Tiny homes galore: Mayor Jenny Durkan wants to create more immediate shelter for homeless people. Homeless shelters are 93 percent full with barely any beds to spare and there are more people on the street than ever. Durkan wants to expand tiny home villages in South Lake Union and the Central District. She’s also working to expand shelter space at City Hall and bridge housing at Haddon Hall. The plan still needs council approval, however. Seattle is expected to make an $70 million investment in affordable housing this year.
Bellingham man turned posthumous benefactor: Steve Brewster had no one to give his $1 million fortune to once he died. He decided to bequeath it to a local Bellingham family. The mother of the family was hit by a drunk driver and is now paraplegic. Her parents take care of her and her three children. Brewster left them $60,000. He also donated $100,000 each to Bellingham charities.
Where in the world is Melania Trump? Is she dead? The last time we heard from Melania she was staying in the hospital after a pretty minor procedure. FLOTUS hasn’t been seen since, including at public events like a Memorial Day wreath-laying at Arlington National Cemetery. She has been suspiciously absent. Wouldn’t that be something? A real life Weekend At Bernie’s reboot starring Melania Trump as Bernie? I don’t know if I’m going to get arrested for writing that. I’m sorry, Secret Service, I’m sure she’s fine and just cooperating with the Mueller investigation.
Roseanne blames Ambien for racist tweet: There is no racism, there is only sleep medication. So glad Roseanne cleared up that she’s not actually a disgusting racist and was just in an Ambien-fueled stupor. I wonder if it’s the Xanax that made her tweet conspiracy theories about George Soros being a Nazi who sold out Jews to Germans in the Holocaust. Where were these side effect warnings, FDA??
Small update: Ambien's manufacturer, Sanofi, tweeted: "While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication." Nice.
Mueller investigating Trump’s relationship with Sessions: The attorney general recused himself from overseeing the Mueller investigation because of a conflict of interest. Donald Trump berated Sessions for doing so. Trump wanted “a loyalist overseeing the inquiry” and told Sessions “he should reverse his decision” reports the New York Times. Sessions has become a key witness into the investigation of whether Trump tried to obstruct the investigation itself.
Private jet needed to spread the gospel: God told him to "believe" in order to get his fourth jet.
A Louisiana televangelist is asking his followers for donations to help him in his mission of obtaining a $54 million private jet https://t.co/aAihl3qFgv pic.twitter.com/93ATYKcih1
— CBS News (@CBSNews) May 30, 2018
No, don’t roast your marshmallows over the erupting volcano: The hot volcanic vents may seem like a cool and efficient way to get your s’more extra gooey, but the U.S. Geological Survey says to cut that out. It’s unsafe and the marshmallows will also taste bad. Pick your poison. But actually just don’t do it.
Erm...we're going to have to say no, that's not safe. (Please don't try!) If the vent is emitting a lot of SO2 or H2S, they would taste BAD. And if you add sulfuric acid (in vog, for example) to sugar, you get a pretty spectacular reaction.
— USGS Volcanoes🌋 (@USGSVolcanoes) May 29, 2018
Speaking of Hawaii, the volcano is still erupting: It has destroyed 71 homes so far.
Missouri Governor Eric Greitens bows out: Greitens was apparently a rising star on his way to do great things for the GOP. That was until a scandal involving a sexual relationship with his hair dresser — as well as some sexual misconduct allegations — came out against him nearly four months ago. He resigned abruptly Tuesday after months of claiming his innocence. That was good news for other Missouri Republicans who were feeling the brunt of Greitens’ scandal in their own campaigns.
Scotland is doing away with period poverty: Low income women will receive free access to tampons and pads across Scotland. The Scottish government is providing a charity “with more than £500,000 to extend its reach to an estimated 18,800 more people” reports the Daily Record. It’s a sanitary product revolution.
Nicaragua has ‘shoot to kill’ policy with protesters: Protests in Nicaragua began in mid-April over social security reforms that would charge workers and employers more and reduce pensions. The reforms were rescinded but unrest continued. The Nicaraguan government has reported 15 dead since then. Amnesty International conducted its own investigation and found that at least 83 people have actually been killed.
North Korea not denuclearizing, considering opening burger joint: North Korea loves its nukes too much to let go. But, as a sign of good faith, its considering opening up a Western hamburger franchise in Pyongyang.
Tonight's best Seattle entertainment options include: The Bellevue Jazz & Blues Festival, a Savage Wine! showcase of funky vino, and Histories of the Central District and What We'll Build Next.
Now what you're eating today:
Lissa: Does it count as avocado toast if the avocado is just toast adjacent?
I think you'll be able to at least make a down payment on a house with avocado adjacent toast. But, I'm no expert. Maybe we should ask Mike Rosenberg at the Seattle Times.
Jim: Think I need to make an oatmeal chaser. . . .
Michael: This breakfast pics thing has motivated me to eat breakfast for the past two weeks. Thank you! Today it’s an orange, a banana, blackberries, an ugly but delicious peanut butter chocolate chip cookie (I already ate one), and Spicy V8 in my totally cool golden bike glass. Thanks, again. I’m becoming like Oprah! But without the money. Woo hoo!!!
Maybe if we all eat breakfast every day we'll all become Oprah but without the money. And isn't that the American Dream?