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I have a bit of an etiquette question. My FWB got married on Sunday, it was a beautiful ceremony and I'm glad for her and her husband, who is also a friend of mine. Clearly that day is about their relationship, and I feel like I should give them time to enjoy that glow and focus on each other. But how long should I wait before it's appropriate to go back to hitting on/hooking up with the blushing bride? The word Honeymoon suggests a month, but that could just be meaningless semantics. I would greatly appreciate any advice

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Friends With Boundaries

I've heard from more than one couple that slept with other people on their freakin' wedding nights—cuckold couples, open couples, poly couples, and triads where only two of the partners could or wanted to marry but all three consummated the shit out of each other. When, whether, and how the FWB'ing resumes for you, FWB, is up to the bride, her groom, and you.

I have a good girlfriend who is in an open relationship with a man. I don't know a lot of the details other than the basic concept that feelings are not allowed. My friend hasn't always been perfect at following that rule and, to be honest, I'm not sure she has reconciled any of that with her husband. I trust adults to be adults, and it's not my job to manage anyone else's relationship, so I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. They're still married and seem happy so I let it be.

She is currently involved with a woman she met at work, and they have just planned a purely social trip to visit me where I live. She has shared that there are feelings between them. How acceptable is it to have dinner with my friend and her, I guess, mistress, when I am aware that her feelings for this woman may violate the bounds of her open relationship? I have never met any of her other additional partners before and so this feels different.

Could Ordinary Meeting Possibly Lead Into Complicated Issues Together

You're close enough to this woman not just to know that her primary relationship is open, COMPLICIT, but to know what the rules are. That means you know her well enough to say, "Hey, have you and Mark changed the rules?" Then do what friends are supposed to do: listen to what your good friend has to say, give her your two cents, then STFU.

My husband and I love butt play. In particular I love it when he puts a speculum in my ass (it feels incredible!). I know you've answered panicked questions about putting stuff in butts before, but this feels more extreme. Will this cause me trouble later on? I'm worried about a prolapsed anus, among other concerns. I'd love to keep doing it, but not at the expense of my health.

Speculum Conundrum

Moderation in all things—but especially butt things, SC. But as Dr. Peter Shalit advised a reader worried about the longterm consequences of fisting (which stretches a bullhole out wider than most speculums)...

"Fisting is a safe activity, provided that both the top and bottom are sober at the time," said Dr. Shalit. "It does not cause damage or constipation or any other type of bowel problem. The same applies to other anal sexual activities including anal receptive intercourse (getting fucked) and use of toys (dildos, vibrators, etc.) for anal stimulation—again assuming this is voluntary on the part of the bottom and that both partners are not under the influence of mind-altering drugs during sexual activity.... There is a misconception that these activities can cause damage by stretching or tearing the tissue, when actually the anus is very elastic and much of the 'permission to enter' actually involves intentional relaxation of the muscles by the bottom and not force applied by the top."

Take it slow, use lots of lube, be super duper sober AF—and your husband should only apply gentle pressure as you relax your sphincters and open yourself up; he shouldn't use the speculum to pry your hole open. Your butt muscles will bounce back between sessions, SC, and your guts won't fall out. While it's unlikely you'll suffer any longterm health consequences—so long as you're using lube, going slow, and not being pried open—I nevertheless wouldn't advise making this a daily or even weekly activity. Save the speculum for special occasions—birthdays, anniversaries, midterm elections.


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