Bi guys find Ben Carson more fuckable than gay guys do.
This post goes out to the bisexual man who called our offices to complain there wasn't enough about bisexuals in our 2018 Sex Issue. Ethan Miller/Getty Images

When we were combing through the data to decide which details we wanted to highlight in our 2018 Sex Issue Survey Results, we decided to have a section about bi people. We did this because we found some interesting numbers about bi people and because we wanted to combat the phenomenon of "bi erasure."

Out of the 8,776 people who took our survey, 2,055 identified as "bisexual." We found out that 19 percent of the people who identified as "bisexual" also identified as "straight." We also found out that 19 percent of straight men have sucked cock and 23 percent of straight women have eaten pussy.

A few more numbers about bi people that we included: 66 percent of the people who told us they were bi were women and 22 percent were men. And a huge majority of bi people—71 percent—told us they are not happy with the amount of sex they're having: they would like more.

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You would think all of this information would be of interest to bi and non-bi people (or at least thought-provoking, maybe even entertaining, which is the point of the Sex Issue), but we have received only negative feedback so far about our highlighting of bisexual sexuality. Someone in the comments opined, "Why do we get a breakdown of bi people but not anyone else?" That person's handle? "antibi guy."

And then yesterday, we got some feedback from the other side of the bi aisle. The Stranger's receptionist, Nipper, came by my desk to tell me that he had just gotten a call from a bisexual man who was unhappy with our Sex Issue. His problem? That we didn't highlight bisexual people enough.

Specifically, he found it unfair that bisexuals were left out of the Trump Administration Fuckability Index.

In case you still havent heard the news, our readers found Omarosa Manigault the most fuckable Trump Administration official, followed by Sarah Huckabee Sanders in second place and Jared Kushner in third.
Our readers found Omarosa Manigault the most fuckable Trump Administration official, followed by Sarah Huckabee Sanders in second place and Jared Kushner in third. Mike Merg

In addition to the overall top three among our 8,776 respondents, as indicated in the illustration, we also published the top-three most fuckable Trump Administration officials according to four major groups: straight women, straight men, gay men, and lesbians.


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Why did we leave bisexuals off these lists? For the same reason we left all sorts of things out: the data wasn't that interesting. Plus, bi people were represented elsewhere. But for all the bisexual men out there clamoring for more discussion of bisexual men and their fuckability feelings about members of the Trump Administration, I dove back into the data this morning.

Dear aggrieved bisexual who called us, here is your answer: bi men had the exact same top-three preferences as straight women. Here are all eight members of the Trump Administration we provided on the survey, ranked by bi men:

BisexualMenTrumpAdministrationFuckability.png

Interestingly, bi guys find Ben Carson more fuckable than Mike Pence, but gay guys find Mike Pence more fuckable than Ben Carson.

That makes no sense. There's no one more hostile to gays in the Trump Administration than Mike Pence. Maybe it's an internalized homophobia thing? Or maybe gay guys want to stick it to Pence by sticking it in him? Or maybe gay guys are more likely to be racist than bi guys?

Gay guys find Mike Pence more fuckable than Ben Carson.
Gay guys find Mike Pence more fuckable than Ben Carson. Ralph Freso/Getty Images

Above, you saw the preferences for bi men. Here are the preferences of gay men:

GayMenTrumpAdministrationFuckability.png

Or maybe gay guys think of Carson as "cute" and Pence as a "daddy"? And bi guys prefer cuteness and gay men prefer daddies? Who knows. I'm grasping at straws.

What about bisexual women? Well, they had the same top-three preferences as straight women and bi men. Where did they fall on the question of Pence's fuckability? They were not having it. Bisexual women ranked him second to last (just ahead of Donald Trump, whom everyone finds profoundly unfuckable) while making it clear they think Ben Carson is way hotter.

BisexualWomenTrumpAdministrationFuckability.png

Since there was that shocking difference between gay men and bi men, you may be wondering how bisexual women compare to lesbians. Here's where lesbians placed Trump Administration yahoos on the fuckability index:

LesbiansTrumpAdministrationFuckability.png

That's right: Lesbians find Jared Kushner more fuckable than Betsy DeVos.

Finally, we asked our readers to tell us how traumatized they were after having to imagine sex with these eight members of the Trump Administration.

Here is how the question appeared on the survey. Respondents had to slide that dot across the bar and place it in the spot that most corresponded to their feelings.

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Unfortunately, we didn't have room to publish any of those results in print. But room on the internet is endless—so here they are!

Straight men on how traumatized they were:

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Straight women on how traumatized they were:

StraightWomenTrauma.png

Gay men on how traumatized they were:

GayMenTrauma.png

Lesbians on how traumatized they were:

LesbiansTrauma.png

Bi women on how traumatized they were:

BisexualWomen.png

Interestingly enough, the only group firmly in the "No biggie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" camp is bi men. Firmly but barely. Let's zoom way in so we can see that:

BisexualMen.png

Dear bi guy who called our receptionist: I hope this answers your question.

Got another question about the results of our 2018 sex survey? Put it in the comments.