I’m a 29-year-old bi-guy in the UK. Over the last 8 years I’ve had a good friendship/sexual relationship with a guy I know, but I’m a doctor-in-training so we have to move around a lot. We’ve talked for hours and hours and I know we both care for each other physically and emotionally, but when I clumsily asked him out five years ago he said he was still hung up on his ex and never mentioned it again. But lately I’ve had so many hints about how much we like each other that I think trying again might work.

Now I’m being asked to choose my region for my next job, and I’m torn. Should I stay in my current city where a lot of my friends are, or roll the dice and move to his city to try and make something with the guy I care about? People don’t live forever, and on hand I’m eager to take some risks for the chance of something better, but on the other I worry it might look desperate if he realizes I made this move solely on his account.

Torn Between Choices

Five years ago this guy was too hung up on his ex to date—or so he told you—but he wasn't so hung up on his ex that he couldn't fuck you, which he's been at for a nearly a decade now.

Hm...

Seems to me that he might be over his ex by now—time heals all wounds and like that—and he might possibly be open to dating. But over his ex + open to dating ≠ open to dating you. I'd put the chances that he's interested in you romantically at roughly 35.7%. (No, I cannot show my work. It's proprietary.) Because he's aware you expressed an interest in dating him way back when Obama was still presidenting and the U.K. wasn't brexiting, TBC, it stands to reason that he would've said something to you by now if his feelings had changed.

But sometimes people have a hard time asking for what they want—if, indeed, he wants you—and he may have convinced himself that he blew his last chance to be your partner and he should be happy just to be your friend and fuckbuddy.

All that said, TBC, you two are already in a relationship; friends with benefits, fuckbuddies—those are relationships too. If he's open to exploring a more serious relationship with you, TBC, then of course you should for sure move closer to him. But you need find out how he feels about you—potential husband? mere fuckbuddy—before you abandon your friends and your support system to be closer to him.

So the next time you see him, TBC, pull his cock out your mouth and ask him how he feels about you. That's the risk you should take—an ask, not a move.