Use. Your. Words.

Or, use mine;

“So, I’m coming up on my next move. Your city is an option. If I moved there, what would you think about us dating?”

TBC how much do you like his city vs. your current city? If his city sucks (for you, it's all relative), then, if he's into you, maybe he can move. If he's in a place you'd like to live more or equal to your current, go. UK distances aren't that large and when your training is done you'll have more time, you can visit your friends on some weekends.

Medical students (or 'junior doctors', in the UK) are very busy. I think the LW is only dating--well, is only close to dating--this guy, and is possibly only fucking this guy. He may be sleeping with other men; but I wouldn't think that he was dating women. This would be partly because he tends to having strong, exclusive feelings when it comes to sex; partly through his heavy, responsible work schedule, and partly, too, through what I sense as a certain diffidence... It seems he might feel more confident in his work or vocation than in his love-life. Possibly (I did this, so may be projecting) he's built up an idea of himself as being up to the mark professionally but more at sea otherwise.

He wants to move, I feel, and is seeking encouragement. There's almost no detail about his FWB--because he's too shy to say? Because their relationship is mostly just a matter of caring sex? Yes, he should ask his lover whether he cares for him. I also think he should get out more in the little free time he has and date men and women more hopefully. After all, doctors are seen as great catches!

5 years ago?

That's an eternity in your twenties.

That being said, don't make radical life changes for someone who's unwilling to commit to you - he can uproot just as easily (likely easier) than you can. Be ware of being hung up on this guy yourself, however - you're the one with the future here, don't feel guilty for prioritizing your career right now. There's never a better time than now.

Gosh, it's too bad there's no way to find out if this guy has any interest in you before you commit to moving to his city. No way you could call him on the phone and ask or anything, right? Or text. Or email. Or FaceTime. Or send an old fashioned letter through the mail. Or smoke signals...

Really, the only possible solution is to move there. Then, and only then, could you possibly find a way to ask him if he's interested in a more serious relationship.

@5: /thread

@6: Yes, although something makes me think you might be biased.

Dude, you live in the U.K. Everything is old and nearby.

I love you, Reverse Polarity.

@ 8 - HAHA as a Kiwi who lives in the UK, that is so true! I dunno though...sounds like the other guy can't be bothered to make a proper committment to me. LW, you're a doctor, everyone think's you're a hot, rich superhero. You are Bruce Wayne, my friend, surely you can do better than this shit? Disclaimer: I am a straight girl, so my thinking is a bit different to gay gays.

Fubar @8: That's what I was going to say. A "big move" in the UK is a maximum of six hours by train from wherever you used to be! Yes, talk to the guy. If neither he nor you has become involved with anyone else in the past five years, it's likely he's formed an attachment too. But has TBC in fact been Long - er, Medium - Distance Guy's only partner? That's the first thing he needs to ask. Does MDG have commitment issues? Is it possible he's not taking TBC seriously because TBC is bi and MDG assumes that at some point he'll settle down with a woman? Let him know that this opportunity has come up and use it to launch a conversation about your relationship.

Roseanne @10: In the UK, doctors are not rich. Just overworked. Sorry to burst your bubble. And if TBC does accept this position and things don't work out, either with the guy or the city generally, he can easily move back. Doctors are in demand, especially with the UK shunning immigrants these days...

"ask him how he feels about you"
Has anyone ever asked a dumber question? No one with social skills THIS pathetic should be allowed to be a doctor. And Dan, what the fuck is this stupid question doing taking up space in your column?!

LW- Your hesitation and social skills or lack of tell me that moving to a new place while starting a new, demanding, long hours job while also attempting to reconnect a with a past lover can be way too stressful.
Stay where you are, concentrate on work, and reach out once you are comfortable doing so without spreading yourself too thin.

A "big move" in the UK is what Americans call being close to home. Your friend would need to move to Cairo before he's as far from you as my sister is from me (Washington to Wisconsin).

I say take the potential for a relationship with this man off the table as you make your decision. There are plenty of other factors, and they should be the ones most prominent in your decision-making. From the sound of your letter, this won't be a permanent move ("I’m a doctor-in-training so we have to move around a lot . . . Now I’m being asked to choose my region for my next job.")
Does the job vary from region to region? Is there a particular region you'd like to check out? How much choice do you have? Is there something about where this guy lives that in itself would be a draw?

I don't know whether you will have to move again in a year or two, or whether you see this move and this job as being your permanent one, but I would vote for adventure and trying something new, whether it means going to this guy's city or elsewhere. You are 29 and single--it's a good time to see a bit more of the world, or at least of the UK. Other commentors have pointed out that the distance is relatively short within the UK, but they have been talking about that in terms of seeing this guy. I suggest you think of the short distance from your friends--it's not like you will never see them again.

Things might work out with this guy or they might stay the same as they are, or they might go sour. You say you worry about how he'll view your or respond to you if he realizes that being closer to him was the impetus for the move: ("I worry it might look desperate if he realizes I made this move solely on his account.") You don't need to let him know that you made the move solely on his account. You can say--hopefully truthfully--that you made the move because you were interested in the position (or fellowship or residency or whatever it is) and you thought it might be fun or interesting to see what this city is like. And you can make other friends. Who knows, maybe you'll meet the love of your life, who doesn't turn out to be this guy, when you're in a new city.

Remember, you can always move away from wherever you are. You can even move back to someplace you were before.

Curious @12: Has anyone ever displayed less empathy? TBC is nervous, because he suspects his feelings for his FWB are stronger than FWB's are for him. Showing his feelings risks an eight-year relationship, not something anyone emotionally invested would do lightly. Also, the skills needed to be a good doctor are not the same skills needed to successfully navigate relationships. I certainly hope the next medical professional I see has loads more humanity than you do.

CMD @13: This is a current lover, not a past one.

@16 BiDanFan
Since you make a personal comment on me, I'll go ahead and say: don't be such a wide-open ass.

I didn't say what doctor dummy needed to do (before he decided upon bloody moving there) was easy, I said it was so obvious it pisses me off that Dan wasted time on this idiot when we could be helping someone with a question with a non-obvious answer. (Admittedly, that Dan didn't reply to my own letter probably adds to my irritation when he selects to instead swing at such a slow-pitch softball so easy we could all hit it in our sleep.)

But maybe, hopefully, you're right that TBC's clueless inability to work out such a simple aspect his own emotional life doesn't mean he won't be capable of empathetic connection with his patients.

You really must be a Dan "Fan"; do you shit on Dan personally when he's caustic too?

@17, is "wide-open ass" supposed to be an insult? Read the room, dude.

@18 MickLak
Oops my bad, you're right, sorry I wasn't thinking. Gulp. I just meant something like 'being an ass actively'.

I will open my ass (wi-i-i-de, wider still and wii-i-ii-ider, bound and pegged and set) on the relatively neutral topic of whether the distances in Britain are conducive to an LDR.

I'm not sure they are. London to Edinburgh is five hours on the train. It costs $200 if you haven't planned or $50 if you have. That's just the sort of commitment that can reveal the cracks in a LDR, where people have different ideas of how often and how easily they'll see each other. One person can go on a whim ... but supposing someone on their 20s, even a med student, and it will eat up lots of their disposable cash for the week. Or let's suppose that someone is cutting costs to the bone, paying the cheapest fees in advance. That's ten hours' traveling time, with the expectation that their partner is going to make the investment worthwhile by doing stuff with them once they're there. And people will have their own lives, their own social scenes--will live apart. I think the 'faraway so close' aspect puts greater burdens on a LDR than, say, one person living in LA and another in NYC. Then, at least, when they get together, they're likely to be on the same page about how big a deal it is and what responsibilities each has to the occasion.

BDF @ 16
"This is a current lover, not a past one." I missed it, though it doesn't really change much as LW views this person as a potential "serious" lover once he moves to his city.

curious2 @ 17
"Admittedly, that Dan didn't reply to my own letter probably adds to my irritation"
I sure hope it does get printed. Keep us posted if it ever does, I suspect some will be delighted to express their opinion.

curious2 @ 17 - or you could always post it here and let us guess what Dan would have recommended.

Curious2: "Has anyone ever asked a dumber question? No one with social skills THIS pathetic should be allowed to be a doctor. And Dan, what the fuck is this stupid question doing taking up space in your column?!" is "being an ass actively." Pointing out that someone is being an ass and being an ass are two different things. A distinction that may be lost on someone who calls somebody "doctor dummy" while crying about "a personal comment" being directed at themself.

And yes, I do shit on Dan -- figuratively, not literally (please keep your fantasies to yourself) -- when I think his comments are as ignorant as yours, which, fortunately, isn't often, hence why he has a job giving advice. I DON'T shit on him, or anyone else, when he doesn't choose my letter to reply to. Thanks for revealing the source of your sour grapes. And yes, please do post your question for us. I'm sure the other commenters will summon a similar level of kindness towards you as you've shown to today's LW.

Harriet @20: Yes -- shorter distances doesn't mean easy trips. You're correct to point out that many Brits don't own cars. And that TBC's job involves long hours, possibly no more than a day off in a row most weeks. At least there are no time zone differences to navigate, but it's not as simple as many may assume.

He just seems like a really young 29. He's got friends and a support structure in place where he is so he's obviously not completely anti-social. I'd be inclined to advise him to stay where he is almost regardless of what his fuck buddy says, but I'm sort of with Dan on the likelihood of interest, although I got 36.2%. Math is hard.

Another thought for the empathy-free Curious: Sure, it's obvious what TBC needs to do. So obvious that what's more likely: that he doesn't know what to do, or that he knows exactly what he needs to do but needs a kick in the pants to give him the courage to do it? Pants-kicking is entirely within the remit of an advice columnist, and actually useful, as opposed to telling people they are stupid, which rarely leads to anything productive whatsoever.

Don't move cities. Move on with dating. Moving for an old flame who may--or may not--be into you, not a recipe for long term success, or even short term success.
You are moving to his city, into his social group. Do you know his friends? Do they know you? What happens if/when you break up?
Finding new people to date is much easier than finding new friends. How many dating apps do you have in your phone? How many "new friends" apps do you have?