Hey, Faggot! (I’ve always wanted to say that since back in the Chicago days). Actually, Dan, I don’t know whereat to turn.
I’m worried about my newphew. He is about to marry a woman and there lies the rub. Most of my family and has thought since he was two that he is gay. He will be 24 this month—we share the same bday—and he, his parents, and our maternal extended family are very born again. His fiancé was his best friend throughout home schooling and a couple years ago they started dating and last year moved in with each other. I have no idea what to say to him or even if I say anything. I’ve told him about my work with homeless youth and those who are coming out. I wanted to communicate that I’m here, queer, and am supportive. He has not shown any interest in hearing about this stuff.
So, do I stick my nose in? Also, I feel like an ass because I don’t want to attend the wedding. His parents are very anti-gay as well as bigoted. They’re still disappointed that they couldn’t “save” me and made it clear that there’s a big afterlife bounty for them for my conversion. Is there a way to communicate that I'm in his corner no matter what? I feel cowardly over this whole thing and like I’ve failed him. I hope that he and his fiancé have some sort of awareness and arrangement, but I suspect they don’t have that maturity.
I have 20+ nieces and nephews but he’s my special guy. We have the same birthday, look a lot alike, talk alike, and he is as sassy as a table of queens at brunch at the Abbey.
Uncertain Newlywed Calamity Lurks
Are you out to your nephew? — Dan
OH, YES! When he was 12 he visited me in LA and I made a point of showing him WeHo. We got frozen yogurt on Santa Monica Blvd., in the middle of all the bars. We also went to dinner with a gay couple that he really liked. — UNCL
So... what would happen if you called your nephew and said, “Dude, I always thought you were gay. If you are, this is huge mistake. If you’re not—mozel tov!” — Dan
Sounds scary. I think he will shut down on me. As a kid when he’d get busted stealing makeup or stuff like that, he’d just go very quiet. I can try it though. But I think all hell will break loose with his parents and his maternal side of the family. I’ll be the devil himself—which I already am for just being gay. — UNCL
What do you have to lose, UNCL? His side of the family already hates you and it's not like you want to go the wedding, right?
And what are the odds he’ll say something? If he runs to mom and says, "Uncle Homo called from L.A. to say I'm gay and making a big mistake here!", he'll be drawing attention to something he'd rather not draw his family's attention to—you know, that something everyone long suspected, that something he might be marrying this woman to convince everyone (including Jesus) he's definitely not?
But if you do make the call, UNCL, open by emphasizing to your nephew that you love and support him will continue to do so whatever he decides to do—and tell him you know he could be totally straight or kinda bi and hetero-romantic-as-fuck. And even if he's gay, so long as everything is on the up-and-up—so long his fiancée isn't being duped and the pair does have some sort of an arrangement, mozel tov. But him lying to his wife all of his life and his wife lying herself all of hers is not an arrangement that's going to work out.
Because if he is gay and only doing this to appease his family and Mr. Jesus, he should google Ted Haggard and Larry Craig or Josh Fucking Weed to see how this story ends.
Close by telling him that gay, straight, bi, asexual—whatever—if he ever does need your support, you’ll be there for him in a heartbeat. Because he's family. And if he is gay... he's family twice over. — Dan