Delores Saltzman
Delores Saltzman Fox 17 West Michigan

Aside from Motown, I don't truly know that much about Michigan. Yes, it gets cold during the winters, there are loyal fans for their sports-ball teams, and they don't do a great job of providing clean drinking water for their citizens of color.

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But one thing I do know is that if you are a woman aged 80 or older, be very, very careful if you use cannabis for medical purposes. Because the police in certain parts of the state hate cannabis, and from what I can gather, despise the grandmothers who use it.

According to Marijuana Moment, the less-than-progressive Clare County in central Michigan has law enforcement officers with too much time on their hands, and at least one officer with a subpar IQ and broken moral compass.

Eighty-year-old Delores Saltzman answered her door when Deputy Ashley Gruno came to inquire about her great-granddaughter's lost phone and ID. The super trooper smelled cannabis, and Saltzman explained that she had been a cardholder in the state's medical cannabis program for the past four years. She also admitted that she had let her medical card registration expire. Saltzman later said she had been using cannabis as a replacement for pain medication that had left her "vomiting and with stomach pains."

Deputy Gruno sprung into action, and finding four joints, several pipes, and less than an eighth of cannabis, decided that even though this was a misdemeanor offense—of which she had wide discretion to simply cite Mrs. Saltzman and then leave to pursue actual crimes—and arrested and handcuffed the 80-year-old great-grandmother, taking her off to spend the night in a cold jail cell, which Saltzman said exacerbated her arthritis.

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Gruno neglected to read Saltzman her Miranda Rights, probably due to the fury and intensity of removing this menace to society from the streets, or at least from her own home. Because it was not just a single pipe that was found—it was several. You know who has more than one marijuana pipe? Pablo Escobar, probably. And serial-killing clowns.

Saltzman renewed her card, and all the double-digit IQ mouth-breathers involved in this waste of time and taxpayer dollars dropped the charges.

Michigan has a ballot measure on the November ballot for a recreational cannabis program.

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