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My brother (gay) and I (pan) have long suspected our mom might fall somewhere on the queer spectrum. Yesterday she said "we" and "us" in reference to queer humans. I didn't say anything because my brain couldn't process quickly enough. But, did my mom just come out? Do we follow up? Was this an invitation to ask questions? Or just a show of solidarity for her queer kids?

Did Mom Out Herself?

The one acronym that rules includes us all—LGBTQIA and its many metastasizing variations—features at least one A, DMOH, and often two. One of those As stands for "asexual" and the other stands for "ally." So it's possible that your mother used "we" and "us" not because she identifies with the L, B, or T, but because she identifies with the A-for-ally, since she's an ally to to her G and P kids. But the only person who knows for sure what's up with your mom is your mom, obviously, so you're gonna have to ask her what she meant by that "we" and that "us."

That was too easy—so, hey, bonus question after the jump...

Hey Dan! I'm a long time listener of the podcast and I have a sex question that I'm sure you've answered a million times but here we go. I just ended an LTR that was way past it's expiry date. I got on Tinder wanting to just have some fun for a while—basically, my recently terminated relationship was sexless and I was dying to get fucked. Somehow I ended up meeting a great guy and everything's going great... except for one thing, of course: sex. We can fool around and he'll get really hard and we can get each other off just fine. But when it's time to actually have sex he goes soft. He's said a ton of times it's nerves and that it's just been a really long time for him and that's why he's so nervous. And I'm obviously understanding but I thought it would just be a something that was a one-off or like a couple times but this has happened like 10+ times. It's only been a few weeks so am I just being impatient? Do you have any tips? I've tried touching him and getting really close to just kind of switch my hands to my vagina but that doesn't even work. I'm trying not to rush all of this, and the sexual things we do ARE great but my relationship that I needed out of was completely sexless for so long and your girl needs to get FUCKED. Help!

Frequently Underwhelming Couplings Keeping Me Enervated

First, FUCKME, all those other ways you and the new guy are getting each other off? That's sex too. All those presumably non-PIV things you're doing to each other? Totally sex, totally counts. Which means you are having sex—actual sex, actually—with this guy, FUCKME, even if you aren't having the particular kind of sex you enjoy most and got on Tinder to find: sex of the PIV variety.

The go-to advice in a situation like this is to take the pressure off—tell him there's no rush, FUCKME, and when you head to bed, tell him you have no expectations. If he can fuck you, that would be great; if he can't fuck you, there are plenty of other equally great things you can do together. Enjoy what's working for the time being and, with any luck, soon he'll relax enough to get past the psychological block that's chasing his erections away at the crucial moment.

That said, you're newly single, you met this guy on Tinder, you've only been seeing him for three weeks. Presumably you two aren't committed and/or exclusive at this stage, FUCKME, which means you're free to keep seeing this guy while seeking out other opportunities, i.e. PIV sex with guys whose cocks don't get soft at that crucial moment.

But if you're a one-man-at-a-time kinda gal or if he's made it clear he's a one-woman-at-at-time kind guy—if you're a star-crossed pair serial monogamists—give him three more weeks and 10+ more times to pull himself (and his erections) together. But don't tell him that, of course, as it ensure the problem won't go away before his time runs out.


Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

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