1517598297-1516999045-savage-letter-of-the-day-stamp-2018.jpg

Just found out through snooping that my husband is taking Viagra. I saw a message come through from his doctor so I logged into his self-service page (by guessing his password) because I was concerned he had other health problems he was keeping from me. (He recently suffered a rare form of arthritis that had him basically immobile for a year.) It makes sense. Of course he's taking it. I'm not annoyed or angry. I'm honestly happy I didn't find something worse. But am I supposed to act like I don't know this? I feel so shitty — it's the first time I ever snooped and it's the first time I ever unveiled one of his secrets. I want to un-know this. Obviously, he is embarrassed about it or he would have told me. But he doesn't need to be. Ugh! Shame on me for snooping, right? But do you have any advice? Should I tell him that I know? I don't want to — that will create a massive rift and distrust between us. But how can I pretend I don't know? Help!

Discovered Upsetting Meds Midday Yesterday

Can I ask why it matters?

Some people worry that their partners are taking Viagra because they aren't actually attracted to them — they can't make their partners hard — and so they need the pill. But men don’t take Viagra because they aren’t attracted to their partners. Quite the opposite, in most cases. Men take Viagra and other boner pills because they’re attracted to their partners and wannna have sex with their partners but their cocks, for whatever reason, aren’t cooperating reliably or at all.

For many men, the v-pill is just insurance, DUMMY, i.e. the confidence boost a guy needs to get hard and stay hard. So many guys take the pill incorrectly — too soon before sex for Viagra to have taken effect and yet they have no trouble "achieving and sustaining" a boner — that the v-pill essentially functions as a placebo.

Anyway, DUMMY, back to you: If he didn’t need to hide this from you… why are you so upset? His embarrassment may be unnecessary but it's common enough that you should be able to understand it. So why is this a crisis? — Dan

It’s not a crisis at all — I totally get all that. I just feel bad about knowing what I wasn’t supposed to know and will feel weird concealing that I know. I’m glad he’s taking it if he needs it. And I don’t mind that he kept it from me. I just feel like an asshole for finding out. Should I just try and swallow it? — DUMMY

Yes, you should. You did a shitty but common enough thing — you snooped — and learned something you can't un-know but not something you would've been bothered by knowing if your knowledge was the result of a disclosure (by him) and not a bad action (by you). But the important thing here is that your husband, for whatever reason, didn't want to share this particular something with you at all, DUMMY, or not yet.

I predict that he'll tell you about his Viagra prescription at some point, DUMMY — if not, he's sure to leave the bottle out at some point and you'll be able to ask him about it then.

In the meantime, DUMMY, sometimes loves means allowing your partner to think you don’t know something you damn well do — to protect their privacy or their vanity or their peace of mind or all of the above. This is one of those times.— Dan

I’m down. Thanks! Peace and love to you, Dan. — DUMMY


Listen to my podcast, the Savage Lovecast, at www.savagelovecast.com.

Impeach the motherfucker already! Get your ITMFA buttons, t-shirts, hats and lapel pins and coffee mugs at www.ITMFA.org!

Tickets to HUMP 2018 are on sale now! Get them here!